Loyalty
by fashiongirl97
Summary: Everyone needs a friend in their life who will always remain loyal to them. In 1998, after being left by Jenny, Gibbs gets a new partner: Lucy James, who might just end up being that friend. This is their tale, through nearly a decade of cases, fights, and life. Through blood, sweat and tears, she might just change his life -but when it comes down to it how strong is their loyalty?
1. the beginning of an era

_I don't own NCIS_

_I hope this Is ok, I've had this idea in my mind for ages and it is new territory for me not to do a soley shipping fic. There will be romance at the end but not between Gibbs and Lucy – they're simply friends._

_I hope you will all read and bear with me, I'm not a great writer, nor any good at spelling or grammar, but my story lines are usually strong. _

_I hope you enjoy and please spare a moment to tell me what you think _

_Thanks xx_

_**Washington DC, November 21**__**st**__** 1998, 23:00 hours**_

"The stars they shine for you my darling." She whispered into the silent night as she stood at front window of her flat looking down onto the street below. The rain pattered on the window – a sound she'd always loved – but tonight, it was the only sound and had a feel of loneliness to it. It left its perfectly circular markings on the window, carelessly dotted around. The wind blew gently outside, and the drops began to roll, forced to follow the wind on its journey is only for a little while. "You're in my heart baby girl – forever and a day." If she'd have been outside in the rain at that moment then the lone tear making its path down her face would have been disguised. But here, in the flat it was the only evidence that inside she was not the floorless person her appearance suggested she was.

The silence was broken by the ringing of her mobile on the coffee table beside her. Brushing the tear away almost as if the person on the other end would be able to see it she answered the phone. Her eyes remained closed to stabilise her voice and to keep up the lie of flawlessness – for now at leat. "Dead marine at the Navy Yard." Was all he said. But she knew what to do, 'anticipate' he'd told her, told everyone apparently. So she knew what Gibbs meant was get to the Navy yard we have a case. And as she always did, she texted Stan Burly, her co-worker and passed on the message to him.

With one last sad glance out of the window she ran upstairs to change out of the joggers and hoodie she'd changed into only a few hours before when she'd returned from work. As she put on a pair of kick flare black trousers and a pale blue blouse she was pleased she hadn't yet removed her make up as all she had to do was touch it up. Within ten minutes she was ready to go and putting on a pair of heeled black leather boots and a black leather jacket. She brushed her hair and tied the long straightened blonde locks into a neat ponytail before holstering her gun and badge, grabbing her bag and heading out into the dreary night.

She arrived first on scene and was glad to find the rain had not yet reached the Navy yard. So she took down all the information she knew she needed to get, ordered the local Leo's they would take the case and got on with bagging and tagging, scotching and photographing evidence as she knew the rain was fast approaching. Ducky arrived and she walked over. "Lucy my dear, what do we have?" questioned the older Scotsman.

"Male Petty officer, one bullet to the front of his head, gun beside him. Looks like a suicide as far as I can tell but we won't know for sure as you know." She answered reading from her note pad. "Looking at him I would say he died no more than four hours ago?" she asked hesitantly checking her calculations.

"And you would be right my dear." Replied the older man, still amazed after 9 months at her abilities. "Where may I ask are your two companions?"

"You're guess is as good as mine Doc'." She replied in her English accent. The two got on well, often sharing tales of times spent in the UK where they had both grown up.

Lucy returned to work and when Gibbs arrived not 10 minutes later he found the majority of evidence already in the truck. "You're meant to get statements whilst Steve does that." Stated Gibbs.

"His name is Stan Gibbs, and as I figured the rain was on its way and Burly is not here I thought it best to deal with evidence first."

"And whiteness's?"

"Well I persuaded the Leo's to talk to them before disappearing!" she replied before getting back to work. Jethro watched her and smirked. When she'd arrived she had been quiet, always work orientated but simply waited for his instructions. Now thought she thought for herself. The only thing was that there was a part of herself she kept guarded. A part she let no one in. The way when they'd had to talk to a mother and newborn child her eyes had avoided the child at all costs and on the drive back she had stared out of the window. As if if she dared talk she'd break. But Jethro didn't push. It was nearly a year ago that Jenny had left him in Paris now and the ache was still strong. She'd noticed, so had Stan. Gibbs was pretty sure he'd filled her in on what he thought had happened and even when he'd muttered her name at the sight of a red head she hadn't asked like most would. Even if he didn't show it he had warmed to Lucy James.

"Where is Steve-"

"Stan!"

"Whatever! Where is he?" questioned Gibbs.

"Why does everyone think I always know where he is? I'm not the man's keeper!"

"No, you're his co-worker!"

"And I'm your partner, doesn't mean I know much about you!" she fired back before walking over to the truck to place a load more evidence. It was true though, she was his partner. And he could always rely on her having his back – that was for certain.

As the rain came down both Jenny and Gibbs photographed what they could before running to the van, closing the doors and getting in. When they sat down she laughed as she looked in her mirror. Jethro looked over to see her wet fringe plastered to her face and black make up under her eyes. Some women, most women would panic and stress, but instead the van was filled with a magical laugh, one from the heart that he had never heard before. As she looked at him it increased and as he glanced in the rear-view mirror he understood why. His hair lie her fringe was plastered to his face and he resembles a wet dog. For the first time in what felt like ages he laughed, not a lot but enough. As they drove back she was still giggling. He turned to her and smirked. "You planning on calming down any time soon?"

"I look like Alice Cooper!" she said looking back at him.

"Who?"

"You know, Alice Cooper…70's rock…?"

"Nope."

"Gibbs you need to get out more." She said with a sigh. He just turned to her and laughed.

Neither of them knew in that moment but that was how their relationship would become. Full of laughs and jokes. In a way like father and daughter, brother and sister and in the eyes of some – especially when they argued which they did frequently – an old married couple. For Tom Marrow who would watch them both change, become happier and best friends, he realised how yet again Jethro had made a great agent. But this one was different, between these two, in the months and years that would follow would become a bond, a bond of not just trust, and respect but more than anything else, a bond of loyalty. One which would not be broken.

_**Washington DC, November 22**__**nd**__** 1998, 21:09 hours**_

The case ran into the next day, and none of them got any sleep. When Stan emerged in the early hours of the morning he was head slapped by Gibbs and given the worst tasks as per usual. As it turned out, Lucy's suspicion that it was suicide had been proved correct. Thankfully her quick gathering of evidence had led to his prints being found on the weapon and a suicide note. Added t the collapse of his marriage and his now ex-wife being given sole custody of their child he'd killed himself.

The team completed their case reports and by half eight they were all on their way home. Stan to wherever he had been previously, and Lucy and Jethro home. Lucy knew that she owed her partner an explanation for a lot, and decided now was the time. So after going home and changing into a pair of skinny jeans, and a black tank top with a baggy red hoodie and trainers she made her way to his house.

It wasn't the first time she'd called in, so she knew where to find him, and surely enough there he was in his basement sanding the boat. She didn't say anything at first, but then neither id he. She poured herself a glass of bourbon before coughing at the taste as it burnt her throat. "It's an acquired taste." He said attempting to hide a smirk.

"That's one way of putting it." She replied. She just sat there, on a old wooden stool leaning against the wall. "I've been thinking, we're partners and that mean we have to trust one another. I already trust you will my life Gibbs. But…I think there are some bits of me you need to know." He placed his sander down, and turned to look at her. Lucy sat with her head against the wall eyes closed. "Before NCIS, I was student in England. I had a boy friend, but it was more than those stupid early twenties mad relationships. It…I dunno, in some ways it is the only relationship I will ever keep in my heart so strongly. I got pregnant and as much as it scared the living daylights out of us both it…it was perfect. I was seven months pregnant when I got these terrible pains. He thought it was labour, but." She swallowed trying to keep her composure. "I knew it wasn't, call it a gut feeling, women's intuition whatever you want. Yesterday was the year anniversary of that day, the day my little girl died before ever even seeing anything. I held her you know? Her small, perfect hands and fingers, all rounded and perfect." Gibbs looked at her as she looked at the floor, his heart instantly broke for her. "We tried to make it work, but every time I looked at him or him at me we saw what we'd lost. So I left. It was the hardest day of my life, but I knew I had to." Gibbs walked over and held her, she didn't cry much, he guessed she'd cried all the tears she could.

When time had passed and both had sat on the floor she looked at him. "I know about Jenny. That she left you for the Job. Ducky told me, don't blame him, he just thought I needed to know."

"I know."

Then silence fell, a sort of silence that lets you think things over in your mind. "Not many people know that about me Gibbs, I'd like it to stay that way." He didn't reply, but it was a silent promise, the ones not said out loud can't then be broken.

"My first wife, not Ginger or Diane, but my first wife witnessed a murder. She was going to testify whilst I was deployed. She was murdered; along with our daughter Kelly, she was eight. I tried to get myself blown up after I found out, tried to end it all. It never did work."

She didn't tell him he was sorry, she knew all too well there was no comfort in those words. "None of us are perfect." And that statement was one which would forever bind them together. Because both of them seemed flawless on the outside, but inside they had more stories to tell than breaths to take. That kind of loyalty will last a lifetime.

_Please let me know what you think, this is going to be Lucy and Gibbs story about how time and work will alter their friendship xx_

_Thanks _

_Fashiongirl97_


	2. the first time

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Author's note – I don't personally like this chapter because I am absolutely stuck with it! But I hope you all enjoy! Thanks to my two reviewers Megan, and guest (you liked the same bits I love to write which is always good!)_

_Enjoy _

_**Washington DC, December 17**__**th**__** 1998, 20:36**_

Winter had finally hit DC after a long autumn. The trees now stood bare around the city after being ridden of their final leaves which had long since been flown away by the breeze. The citizens had dug out their gloves and scarves, put on their boots and readied themselves for the months of bitterly cold weather. But all around there was a sense of cheer and festivity, with only eight days to go until Christmas the flickering fairy lights on trees and above the roads shone putting a smile on faces. In squares massive trees extravagantly dressed stood tall and proud whilst around the bottom children ran around beaming at the fact Santa would soon be arriving. Brass bands played those well known Christmas songs everyone loved to hate. Meanwhile parents began to get the last few Christmas gifts wrapped and essentials bought before the family arrived. Yet even in the midst of all the chaos everything seemed to be perfect.

But as per usual, crime didn't take a Christmas brake. So tonight, as the rest of DC began to sit down and watrch the Christmas films that filled all of the television channels, the NCIS MCRT were arriving at the Navy Base thanks to the arrival of yet another case so they left the ones they'd been planning on spending the evening with. For Stan it had been a night of watching the Christmas special omnibus of Friends on television whilst eating a whole bag of butterscotch popcorn to himself. For Gibbs on the other hand it had been another night sanding his boat and attempting to hide whilst Stephanie moaned about him not being home for their first Christmas together as a married couple thanks to his team being given the Christmas shift. But for Lucy it had been a date she had been waiting for all week. Which therefore explained her outfit when she walked into the squad room.

Lucy walked into the bull pen whilst receiving appreciative glances form many of the few on duty male agents. She wore opaque black stockings with a knitted maroon jumper dress that fell a few inches above her knees and a pair of black swayed booths that hugged her calves. Around her waist was a chunky black belt. Her hair was angel curled with the top few layers taken back. Lucy's makeup was light but highlighted her gentle features perfectly. She wore silver dangling earrings in her ears, an iconic silver tiffany bracelet and a silver ring. She had a cream jacket slung over her arm and her bag on her shoulder as she chucked it onto her desk making a loud clatter that echoed around the room. They were not meant to be on duty tonight but as the on duty team already had 3 active cases they had been called in.

"Someone's not happy!" said Stan spinning in his chair. He was wearing a jumper and dark wash jeans and was looking appreciatively at how the dress Lucy was wearing hugged her curves perfectly.

"Well I had plans for this evening and half way through had to cancel!" she said as she sat down and logged onto her computer.

"Well how do you know I didn't?"

"Because you've been moaning about the fact you were doing nothing all week!"

"Oh, I forgot about that. So where were you then?"

"That, Stan, is none of your business."

"A date then?"

"And what is it to you?" she asked turning to him and blowing a stray hair out of her eye.

"Well Luce, I see you as sort of my little sister – therefore in a brotherly protective way I am concerned"

"Not you just wanting info for a pool then?" She asked raising and eyebrow.

"No." he replied although in truth he did care about her yet also this could allow him to win some money – yet she didn't need to know that.

"Fine, even though I don't believe you I was on a date." She answered with a smug smirk.

Just as she spoke Gibbs walked in. He walked past Burley and head smacked him. "Ow boss! What was that for?"

"That was for interfering Steve. Now gas the truck!" said Gibbs as he grabbed his badge and gun. Stan did as instructed even if his boss still didn't know his name. Once he was gone Gibbs walked in front of Lucy's desk. "What was his name?"

"Seriously? You as well now?" he glared at her, even though it never worked she decided to let him have his moment, and pretend she had shrivelled into a ball and would bear all like suspects and probies did. "Fine, his name is Tom; he's an ex-soldier who now works in private security. Happy now?" she questioned before grabbing her gear and standing up.

"As long as you don't marry him then fine!"

Lucy decided not to comment on the situation with Stephanie as she knew it was touchy ground at the moment and from Gibbs' mood nothing had improved.

_**Washington DC, December 20**__**th**__** 1998, 20:47**_

The case had turned out to be more complicated and take longer than they had first anticipated, so three days later it was all wrapped up, the paperwork was signed and on the director's desk ready for him to read when the holiday season was over. Stan had bagged himself a date with a co-worker who they'd spoken to and was on his way home a smile reaching from ear to ear. So, with the case over and a free evening ahead Lucy headed to the local bar. It was just outside of the Navy base and got a good mixture of people without being overcrowded. The bartender was a laugh and friendly and allowed you to either chat away or wallow in self pity – whichever was your preference. She smiled to him and ordered her usual: a G&T, before moving over to a familiar silver haired man who was sat at the opposite side of the bar. Sitting down he looked at her. "Thought you'd be with _Tom._" He said, before scowling at her drink of choice.

"And I thought you'd be with you _wife_." She replied adding as much displeasure to her tone as he had.

"Huh, she's kicked me out my own house." He responded. Lucy barely managed to contain her giggles, and then gave up trying as it was a losing battle. "It's not funny!"

"No, sorry. Well, it kind of is Gibbs."

"Jethro."

"What?"

"Call me Jethro."

"Very well then _Jethro _, yet no matter what I call you It is still funny!"

"Thanks for the sympathy Lucy. "

"You are so welcome!" she replied and then they both laughed before drinking their drinks. They let the silence fall, it wasn't awkward like it could sometimes be, more like – right. "At least you don't have to spend Christmas with her."

"That's why she's kicked me out!" he replied.

That night Jethro slept on Lucy's sofa. It would be the first of many times Stephanie would kick him out and he'd sleep on his partner's sofa. She'd be the rock he relied on as his marriage would fall apart before it finally went down with the final blow of a golf club. But Lucy and Jethro would stand together. But little did they know as they sat in the bar laughing at the reality in front of them, very soon one of them would wear a scar that would be the first of many and finally cause the breaking of a soul, of a heart.


	3. shocked

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I hope this is alright. I just want to say the storyline here is something new for me, I've also never experienced it so I hope I do it justice. You'll understand what I mean at the end._

_Hope its ok, thanks to my reviewers, Scadki, Shy Chey 97, and Left my heart in Paris._

_Enjoy…_

_**Washington DC, February 23**__**rd**__** 1999, 17:22 hours**_

Everything that turns into anything major starts with just one aspect being pushed too far, and before anyone quite realises, it has climbed out of control. All it takes is something to happen once, then again the next week, a few more times the week after and before you know it things will never be the same again. As Lucy James stood in the observation room for interrogation 1 watching as Jethro managed to get a man to admit to the murders of 5 women, she didn't know that that was the last time in what would end up being her life she would feel completely like herself. Because even in those short periods of happiness she would have had too much of her chipped away that she would never quite feel the same again.

She looked through the one way mirror at the man sat there. He'd been murdering woman who stayed at a log cabin in the woods. It was leased out for the holidays and every 3rd woman who stayed there was killed. It turned out that Bobby, the man now sat opposite her partner was actually the caretaker. They'd caught him after Lucy and Jethro went undercover and a married couple. He'd gone after Lucy, but before He'd had that chance to do anything they'd handcuffed him. Now he sat there spilling the details of the murders, and as he slowly began to close his long and extensive speech on precisely how he killed the women Gibbs got up from his chair and walked to the door before leaving and joining Lucy in the observation room. She didn't even look at him, just stared straight ahead. "You alright?" he questioned as he thought back to her being held at gunpoint. Although the accused had never touched her she had had a gun pointed directly between her eyes.

"Yeah, I suppose it's all in a day's work eh?" she said turning to him with a smile.

"We never get used to nearly dying."

"That your massive advice?"

"Pretty much." Lucy just laughed and he smiled back at her. It was moments like this when they were just being friends that they both treasured. In a job where they met people on the worst days of their lives they had to treasure what they said. Then with one last distasteful look at the man sat in interrogation they both left to go upstairs and finish off their paperwork.

As they entered the bull pen they both smirked at the sight in front of them as Burly attempted to flirt with a lawyer who had just transferred in from another base. So Jenny looked over at her partner with a mischievous look in her eye and walked over. Burly was stood talking over the diving wall. Jenny walked up behind him and smiled sweetly at the woman before placing her hand on his shoulder and getting close, resting her chin on his shoulder. "What you talking 'bout?" she questioned whilst the woman stammered for a reply. She then leaned in and whispered in Burly's ear: "You know half NCIS thinks we're dating." But as she said it she made sure she looked seductive and flirtatious so the woman got the wrong impression. HE looked at her shocked. "Oh yeah baby."

"Really?" he asked looking like he'd won the lottery.

"You have no idea." She winked at the woman who then walked away in a huff. Once the lawyer had boarded the lift Lucy bust out laughing, Stan looked confused and Gibbs rolled his eyes whilst attempting not to chuckle.

"You finished teasing him Luce?"

"I think I've tortured him enough for the time being." She replied before walking over to her desk and sitting down. The tight green skirt rose up her stocking clad legs, the baggy black top that was tucked in slipped off her shoulder and once more she winked.

"Good, get the paperwork done." Gibbs ordered and they did.

After half an hour Gibbs had left for coffee and the other two had nearly finished writing their reports. Stan chucked a paper ball at Lucy who looked up and glared at him. "What?" she asked not impressed in the slightest.

"What you said about people thinking we are together. Is it true?"

Lucy just smirked at him. "You are so gullible."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"They don't think we are together."

"So why did you say they did?"

Standing up she whispered in his ear. "I was winding you up, and it worked." With a sly smiled she walked away. "I'm off to see Ducky."

_**Washington DC, February 23**__**rd**__** 1999, 19:27 hours**_

Seeming as they'd been undercover as a married couple, Lucy and Gibbs had taken one car. So, tonight he'd given her a lift. The ride home had been silent, neither one had much to say. That though was usual for Gibbs, and sometimes it rubbed off on Lucy too. Because sometimes she felt too much of a fool talking and getting near enough no response. So tonight she ran through her mind all of the parts of the case. She planned out the rest o f her night, she was going to get a glass of wine, run a hot bath and relax. Things with tom, the private security guy had become slightly estranged. Lucy was getting annoyed with his constant need to know what she was doing. But Lucy being who she was, was not finishing things just yet. She'd decided to give it a second chance so when they arrived at her place to see his car on the road she sighed, it was not the first time she had come home to find him waiting for her and quizzing her on her day. With a sigh she thanked Jethro and was about to get out when he grabbed her arm. "Everything alright?" he questioned.

"It's fine, honestly." She replied.

"I'm here, if you need me." He replied. And with a peck on the cheek she left.

Lucy walked through the front door, and silently groaned as she saw him glaring out the window. Lucy took off her heeled boots, and hung up her winter coat before pulling her hair down from its up do and walking into the living room. "I wasn't expecting you tonight." She stated leaning against the window. "How was your day?"

"Who was that man?"

"Tom I asked you a question."

"Who was he?"

"Tom, why are you ignoring me?"

"Who was he Luce?"

"I don't get you sometimes." She said before about to walk away. But all of a sudden, he grabbed her arms and pulled her forward. In that moment he wasn't the man she knew. She smelt the alcohol on his breath; saw the fury in his eyes. Lucy in that moment knew things would never be the same again.

"Who was the man driving you home like a lover Lucy? Who was the man you kissed on the cheek?" he shouted.

"He was my partner." She answered, he voice falsely calm.

"Partner?"

"Yeah, as in work Tom. You are my boyfriend, not Jethro!"

"You liar! Since when do you kiss you work colleague?!"

"I was thanking him for his help! We're friends!"

Neither of them would ever quite remember what happened next, but she'd remember the tingling and head radiating from her cheek, and him the tingles in the palm that felt foreign. As his hand collided with her face something in them both changed.

She stepped back, like he was contagious. Tears burning and begging to come flowing. But the look of utter shock was not just her but him, because he was as ashamed as she. "Lucy, i…I'm so sorry. You know I wouldn't intentionally hurt you! I mean…god Luce."

"I know." She answered, but inside she knew it was something not quite sincere. "I'm going for a bath. I…I don't think you should stay tonight. Call a taxi." She pecked him on the cheek. "Night."

Lucy sat in the bath that night tears rolling down her face. She knew that she should call Gibbs, he'd help, know what to do. But at the same time her pride got in the way. She also knew she should call Tom and call it off. But she couldn't, so that night she sat in the bath crying, wishing to escape. The look she'd seen in his eyes haunting her mind. Something really changed within her that night.

_Please review!_


	4. hiding

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – okay, so this is a really short chapter but if I'm honest I think it's right to leave it where it ends._

_I've decided I can't do Lucy's story the justice it deserves by writing every day ofg her life. I don't know enough to do that. So I'm going to write maybe another 2-3 chapters, spanning 6 months to a year. That way you keep knowing the story but I don't diminish her tale. I hope you don't mind._

_Anyway, I want to that my reviewers:_

_**Princess Alexia **__(and yes, Jenny will come back, but it will be near the very end of the story) __**, Shy Chey 97, Quiz **__(I didn't write the whole story with Jenny in mind, but some scenes I was picturing her out of habit. I have corrected the mistake I could see in the last chapter so thank you for pointing that out, I'll be more careful from now on ) __**, and Left My Heart In Paris. **_

_Hope you all enjoy :D _

_**Washington DC, February 24**__**th**__** 1999, 09:40 hours**_

"…locals Leo's spoke to the neighbours and it turned out that no one saw anything. Then again we didn't expect anything else as it was 10pm. Anyway, on the matter of the case, Leo's found a knife 100m from the crime scene. My guess is the killer panicked and tossed it. I've got the landlord of the apartment block sending over the CCTV footage of the hours surrounding the murder. Also, turns out that the Navy uniform she was found in belonged to a former Lieutenant, now her boss at the design company." Said Burly.

The team were all gathered in the bull pen around the wipe board as they went through the latest developments in the case. The wipe board was littered with pictures of persons of interest; there was a photo of the crime scene, a map of the local area and a sketch of the crime scene too. It ran as it often did, each stating what they had found out whilst Gibbs listed, head slapped and objected. Or at least, Burly went on as usual. Generally, as soon as Burly had finished Lucy took over, filling in the blanks and adding new bits in, both desperate to prove them even if they had long ago. But the previous night when Tom had hit her, after they'd argued in that air of … awkwardness maybe? She couldn't quite put her finger on what had been in the air that night, but she did know that something inside her had been lost in that moment, something that kept her smile on her face and the joy in her heart had snapped. It was the only thing that had been on her mind all morning, she hadn't been able to concentrate or do anything right. Now, Stan's words just seemed like distant noices she couldn't quite focus on.

Gibbs looked over at Lucy, waiting for her to speak. But she didn't. She just stood there with a distant look in her eyes. "Hey, Lucy, you got anything or am I going to have to head slapping you like I do Burly?"

She shook herself out of the daze and began to ramble off all of the things she had found out, as if nothing had happened. But she couldn't help but notice that Gibbs' eyes hadn't left her. She self consciously brushed her hair closer to her cheek which was still red and discoloured form the previous night yet had managed to be hidden by make-up. "…friends say she was completely work obsessed. She worked in client management for a design studio. Basically was the stepping stone between designers and clients. She spent her life in meetings and work parties. No boyfriend that they knew about but she kept her private life private. Family still live in England, they're flying over to see her body as soon as."

"Good. I want you putting a rush on that CCTV Steve, Luce with me, we're gonna talk to her boss." Said Gibbs, his eyes still not firmly focussed on her. She went over to her desk and pulled her leather jacket on. She was wearing a pair of leggings, with a white blouse and oversized baggy chunky knit jumper over the top. She had black high leg leather boots on. Her makeup was done to cover the mark but she didn't look the same as she usually did. Her hair was in lose curls thanks to her tying it back while wet the previous night. Her style was relaxed, not the usual sophisticated style that it usually was.

She holstered her gun under her jumper and grabbed her badge and bag before following Jethro out, jogging to the lift to catch it before the doors closed. He looked at her when she entered the lift, they were the only two in it which was a change. Then he pressed the emergency stop switch just as she'd predicted he would. The steal lift also doubled as Gibbs' private conference room. Once it had slowly stopped, the lights gone out and the emergency blue tinted LED's come into action he turned to look at her. "What's going on?"

"Leave it Jethro." She said with a sigh and avoiding his eyes as she leant back against the cold metal of the lift.

"Luce, you see a car before going into your place when I drop you off and act all strange. Then today you come in all shook up. Not on the ball. Lucy you are better than this, and you have a massive red mark on the side of you face. Don't tell me to leave it."

"The car was a neighbour's. Whenever he's over there is loud music. The mark on the side of my face is there because I hit it on the sink last night after slipping getting out of the bath. End of!"

Lucy flicked the emergency stop switch and they continued in silence. She was lying through her teeth, lying well just as he'd taught her, but lying through her teeth none the less. The worst thing was she knew he knew and it broke her heart that the one person she trusted with her life she was now keeping something from that could possibly tear her world apart. But Jethro also knew when to shut up and leave things alone, and for now at least, that was what he would do. When things got worse which he had no doubt in his mind they would, then he was interfere, but for now he knew she needed to deal with it herself. But at the same time Lucy knew she was slowly but surely falling into the blackness. Lying to Jethro was the first step, and she didn't know how long she would be able to hang on before she fell completely, and lost everything she had worked, and fought so hard to keep.

_Hope it was okay, please pretty please review! _

_Any suggestions are welcomed too. _


	5. realisation

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – wow! Two updates in one day! Hope this makes up for the waits you've been having. I'm expecting that this will only get updated at weekends. Sorry._

_Enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, July 2**__**nd**__** 1999, 20:28 hours**_

"You said you loved me! All you ever loved is your job!" she screamed, tears ran down her anger reddened face as he body shook with sobs. The quiet Stephanie he had married a year or so ago was a million miles away now. The woman who stood in front of him was upset and annoyed – that much he was sure of, and in truth he couldn't argue with her because although he wouldn't say it everything she was saying was true. She'd handed him divorce papers a month and a half ago, now she was back collecting the remainder of her things. He'd done the right thing, or thought he had, by telling her he loved her and trying to sort things out. It had only started another argument. Now they stood at the top of the stairs near his basement. Her golf clubs a little too close for comfort he had decided as he remembered what had happened during an argument with Diane over their divorce. She'd grabbed his high school baseball bat and hit him over the back of the head. He'd needed five stitches after that and had had a headache for the week afterwards. His team had as well after he'd head slapped them into the next century as his patience had been none existent.

"That's not true Steph, I always loved you!" he didn't shout back, with Stephanie it felt wrong. She'd never done anything to deserve it. She'd loved him loyally, not pried, and been what to most would be the perfect wife. Yet he'd married her on the rebound from Jenny, she hadn't been the one he had wanted to be marrying, wanted to be sharing his bed with, so why should he blame her for the divorce.

"Do not lie to me Jethro!"

"St-"

"No!" then she did it, she grabbed the nine iron from her golf bag and hit him over the head. Not as hard as Diane had done but hard enough to hurt like hell and course it to bleed. She just stared at her hand. "I'm so sorry."

"I know." He said grabbing his dirty t-shirt from the laundry basket and putting it over the wound, pressing it down in a hope to stop the bleeding. She looked at him and ran. He wasn't surprised; he wouldn't press charges, or hold it against her. In one way or another he had deserved it. Once he'd heard the squeal of her tyres he grabbed his car keys. He may not be in any fit state to drive but Lucy didn't live far away so he decided he couldn't do much harm.

_**Washington DC, July 2**__**nd**__** 1999, 20:42 hours**_

Tom was annoyed, angry and heading towards drunk. It was times like this she was actually scared of the man she had once thought she might love. He'd practically moved in now. At first he'd only hit her once a fortnight or so, after an argument. But now, it had gone from once a fortnight, to twice, then twice a week. Now, well, it seemed as if there wasn't a day that went by where he didn't slam her up against a wall, slap her, he'd even pushed and punched her. Once she had been sure he'd cracked a rib. That time he'd been like he was now. So she left him alone, sat on the lounge, reading her book. She was wearing leggings and a thin t-shirt. But when she heard a knock at the door she grabbed a hoodie, not wanting whoever it was to see the bruises on her wrists.

"Lucy, send them away!" he shouted from the kitchen, she sighed, that was half a bottle of her scotch gone now.

She walked to the front door and looked through the peep hole to see Jethro. Surprised but also a little nervous she opened to the door. Self consciously playing with a loosely tied up hair and worrying any of her bruises were on show. "Jethro?" she said before she saw the blood. "Oh my god. What the hell happened? Come in!" she said ushering him inside and leading him into the lounge. She sat him down.

"Stephanie wasn't too happy with the divorce." He said before wincing and she removed the bloodied shirt from his head.

"I'd never have guessed." She said.

"I told you to tell them to go!" said Tom from the door. She glared and walked into the kitchen closing the door. "Get him out of here Lucy!"

"No! You can do what the hell you want to do to me, but he is hurt and I am not throwing him out on your say so!" she argued back keeping her voice hushed. He slapped her, but she was so used to it the tingling pain in her cheek didn't even register any more.

"Get him out!"

"No, this is my house!" she fired back walking to the back door. "You get out!"

"You don't want to do this." he said grabbing her cheeks with one hand and her wrist with another, so tight she knew she would bruise.

"Try and stop me!" she said. He left, and she sighed leaning back against the door. That was going to cost her, and she knew it.

Lucy walked over to the cabinet to get her medical back before going into the lounge again. Her hands were shaking from the confrontation in the kitchen. She could tell from the look on her partners face that he had heard everything. But the look she gave him made him realise that she was embarrassed, and for now at least, he would leave it. But in that moment he vowed to himself that by the end of the month he would have got it out of her and she would be safe, because for now she wasn't. And that knowledge made him sick to the stomach.

"Right, this is going to sting." She said as she began to wash the wound with hot water, and then went over it with medical alcohol. He cringed at the pain. Lucy had called Ducky around fifteen minutes ago.

"Who was that guy?" he questioned, knowing he couldn't go against his better judgement and leave it.

"Who?" she questioned although she already knew exactly who he was talking about.

"The one who was here when I arrived."

"No one." She said and she began to walk away. He grabbed her wrist and heard her gasp. He pushed the sleeves on her hoodie up her arm and looked up at her.

"He do this?"

"Just leave it Jethro."

"Lucy-"

"Please?" there was something in her voice, fear, as she welled up with tears that made him realise this might just be out of his hands this time. All he did was nod. Then the bell rung and she went to the door. He noticed as she went she pulled her sleeves down over her hands. If he didn't already have a gash on the back f his head he would have slapped himself.

Lucy opened the door to see Ducky. "Hello Duck." She said letting him in.

"Hello my dear, are you alright?" he questioned and she subconsciously let her hand go to her face as she misinterpreted the question.

"Fine Duck, honest. He on the other hand is not so. I believe stitches are required and being the stubborn one he is he refuses to go to the hospital."

"Oh dear my boy, not again." Said Ducky with a slight chuckle.

"Again?"

"Diane did the same thing with a baseball bat, only a little harder if I remember correctly." Lucy laughed and Gibbs gave a disapproving look to the Doctor.

"Can we get this over with or are you just going to pick on me?"

"Of course my boy."

And so Ducky carefully stitched up the wound just as he had years ago. That night Gibbs stayed over at Lucy's as he wasn't allowed to sleep or be alone in case he had a concussion. Lucy on the other hand stayed up until midnight with him, but fell asleep on his shoulder. It was the first night since that evening in February she had fallen asleep safe in the knowledge that she was safe - because even if it was only for one night, Tom wasn't there, but Jethro was. And he was the one person who always made her feel safe.

_Review?_


	6. before it's too late

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Author's note – sorry for slow updates, school has gotten in the way, and to be honest I was struggling to write this chapter. It's not how I imagined it going but I think it's the right way. This is not the end, there are going to be many more drama's coming the way. _

_Thanks to my reviewers – left my heart in Paris, Shy Chey 97_

_Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, July 3**__**rd**__** 1999, 12:45**_

The next day Gibbs didn't wake until past noon. Lucy had woken at 06 20 as per usual yet left Gibbs to rest knowing he needed it and that the painkillers he'd been instructed to take by Ducky had most likely knocked him out. Not only that but she didn't know when the last time he had slept on something that wasn't his basement floor was.

Lucy had gotten up, kissed the picture of her daughter's ultrasound that she kept beside her bed and gone for a run. With her ear phones in, her stride was strong and the burn in her calves was enough to take her mind off Tom and the previous night. She ran for around an hour, taking back roads and shortcuts before returning home. She'd showered and rung Director Marrow to inform them that they would not be in until later and informing him of Jethro's head injury, and the story behind it with which she heard he boss laugh. Tom had assured her it was fine but that she and Jethro were needed in work at 15 00 as they were both being put on security duty. She had in turn thanked him and informed Burley whom she had no doubt in her mind was about to be collecting some money from one or more of his pools.

Now though she was stood in the kitchen staring out of the window with a cup of coffee in an attempt to wake her up. Gibbs began to stir awake in the lounge and after beating the disorientated feeling he had he walked into the kitchen. His head was throbbing. Turning around Lucy chuckled at him stood there with sleep clouded eyes. "Afternoon."

"What time is it?"

"Quarter to one, but don't worry. I spoke with Director, we're due in a t 15 00 to go over security. We've been dumped with the independence day ball detail." Jethro groaned knowing that security meant an evening with Senators, politicians and every single person he wanted to kill. She smirked before handing him some coffee.

Lucy walked out of the kitchen. "Wake up then I'll drop you off at your place. I wouldn't advice you drive in your state." She said before running upstairs.

When she was safely in her room she closed her eyes. He hadn't mentioned what had happened with Tom, and she hoped he wouldn't. She couldn't face him looking at her like she was a victim. She hated that pitiful look that others gave you. She was strong. But she walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out her matching blazer, placing it on the bed before sitting in front of her vanity mirror. She was dressed in Security clothes. A Black, high waist pencil skirt that hugged her figure and came to knee length – no shorter was allowed. She was wearing a long sleeve white blouse with jet black buttons tucked in her skirt. It hid the marks on her wrists and for that she was thankful. She'd tied her blonde hair up into a large bun and clipped her fringe back so that it rose up only slightly. She carefully applied mascara; foundation that once she'd hated but now wore to hide the marks he caused on her face. Lucy toyed between using a neutral pink or a bright red lip stick. She chose the pink, no longer sis she have the confidence for the red that she once would have worn. He'd knocked that out of her as well when he slapped her.

Opening the large white leather jewellery box she pulled out her silver cross necklace, simple diamond studs, dress watch and silver Celtic love knot ring and put them on, taking individual care with each. Looking in the mirror she sighed, she looked so much older than 24, she'd dealt with more that those she had shared a year with had no doubt. With a sigh she spritzed her perfume, placed her stocking clad feet in her court shoes and put on her jacket. It came to the top of her skirt, fastened single breasted and had seams at the back which showed curves. As she walked down the stairs she saw Jethro, he partner looking more awake and they drive to his place.

An hour later they arrived at headquarters, both appropriately dressed, guns and badges holstered. When they walked in Lucy smirked as she saw another agent handing Burly a $50 note. Jethro walked over, grabbed the note, and head slapped the younger agent. "Won't happen again boss." Stan replied not even needing to ask what it was for.

Sitting down at her desk Lucy laughed. But their joking was cut short that afternoon as they were summoned to MTAC for a briefing and security run down.

"Jethro, I hear the divorce is becoming a bit of a head ache." Marrow said with a slight laugh.

"Could say that sir." In truth, Jethro hadn't even thought of his divorce since he woke up. All he'd though about was how is partner was being beat to a pulp day in day out without his knowledge. It seemed wrong that she had been there nursing his wounds when he was hurt – and that he had expected her to, when on the other hand she would deal with bruises and cracked bones everyday - not once asking for help.

"…there are windows at the front, all of which lead out onto the balcony with stair down to the Garden. Guests are permitted in this area. There is a main entrance at the east of the room with a grade staircase where the president's security will be based. There is also a smaller fire escape in the west wall. This will have FBI agents on the other side. You will have William Decker working with you. Agents Burly and Decker will take the Perimeter of the house along with a number of other Feds. Lucy and Jethro you two will be walking around the main ball room and on the balcony. There will be other agents. Keep quiet, keep a low profile but people may talk to you. I know you both know the drill. Any questions?"

There was a unanimous no and then everyone was done. They had an hour and a half before it was 17 00 and they were due at the ball so decided to have something to eat. Jenny and Stan went to the local deli to get some sandwiches whilst Gibbs went to see Ducky.

He walked into autopsy, the doors opening with their usual rush of cold air. "Hey Duck." Said Gibbs perching on the edge of a steal bed that he had spent many a night on over the years.

"Jethro, how are the stitches?"

"They're holding. Thanks for last night."

"Good, I do hope this won't come a regular occurrence, twice hit over the head is enough for you I do think. But it is not me you need to thank; Lucy was the one who nursed your wounds my boy. That girl will remain loyal to you longer than any of your wives ever will."

"I know Duck, I know." There was silence as both tried to say something yet neither knew how to put it. "I'm worried about her Duck, She's been through so much I…I don't know if she can deal with…"

"With what Jethro?"

"She…I think she's being beaten Ducky. That scumbag of a boy friend is beating her to a pulp and…and I don't know if she can get through this and still be able to smile Ducky. I don't know if…"

"Jethro, if what you say is true then something has to be done. Someone must stop it before he crosses a line over which we will not get her back."

"What if he's already crossed it Ducky?"

"We have to pray my boy that he hasn't. You need to get her safe Jethro, by any means necessary, get that girl to safety, before he breaks something that can't be mended"

_Please review _


	7. too far gone?

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_I hope this is okay, it was hard to write and longer than I expected. _

_Thanks to Chy Chey 97 and Left my heart in Paris for their reviews! They are both amazing authors so please check out their stuff!_

_**Washington DC, July 3**__**rd**__** 1999, 15:45 hours**_

As Jethro walked into the bull pen after returning from Autopsy, he paused by the window for a moment just to look at his two co-workers laughing. Last night he'd seen a side to his partner he had never seen before, he'd seen the scared and fragile women who was a million miles away from the person who had his back every hour of the day. She'd had a look in her eye, of haunted fear that would refuse to leave her alone. But now as he saw her laugh he couldn't help but smile. She was reserved and not the same woman who had joined his team after Jenny had left – he was sure of that, but looking at her now at least gave him some relief and proof that this man had not completely shattered who she was. He watched as Stan made her laugh like an old friend. Those two had always had a relationship based on teasing; it was their way of dealing with the things they saw every day and the people they met, whether it be the victims or criminals that they worked with.

Lucy turned to look at him with a confused glance. He walked over and joined the people who considered his family. They were all sat around Lucy's desk as it was the only one with a clear space. Jethro pulled over his desk chair and Stan passed him a sandwich wrapped in greaseproof paper. "Pastrami boss, best in DC!" said the younger agent whilst Lucy just smirked and ate her BLT. As they ate they went over the plans for the protection detail. Stan questioning if they could eat the food that was provided for guests, Gibbs head slapping him, Stan asking if he could flirt with the ladies at the ball, well, he never got a chance to finish as Jethro's hand collided with the back of his head. Lucy sat there laughing. What she hadn't noticed was that her blouse neckline had been pushed to one side and revealed a massive purple hand print. Stan and Gibbs both noticed it. Jethro had the knowledge to not mention it, Stan however having not been there the previous night to see the confrontation between Lucy and Tom had no knowledge. "Lucy, what on earth is that bruise on your neck." She suddenly felt the entire colour from her face drop and she pushed her blouse over it.

"Nothing." She mumbled, wrapping the remnants of her sandwich back in its paper and putting it in the bin – no longer hungry. Grabbing her bag she mumbled something about going to the head and left.

"Boss I didn't…"

"I know, I know Burley." Said Gibbs, standing up and going over to his own desk to go over the plans for the evening.

In the Ladies Lucy stood looking in the mirror. The bruise was hidden now, but she fastened had extra button, all of a sudden feeling more self conscious than she had before. Looking in her bag she pulled out a pink make up bag and began applying a little extra foundation Once she was satisfied that there were not bruises showing she adjusted the rest of her makeup, added a touch more lipstick and one more sighed. This was all getting to the stage where she couldn't cope any more. Now as she looked in the mirror it hit her just how many lies she was telling to the people who cared about her. And knew in that moment this had to finish, before it finished her.

"So you know the plan?" Gibbs said to William Decker.

"Sure do Jethro. It's been a while since we worked together."

"Paris."

"And we both know how well that went. We ended it without leaving a single print."

"Let's do it just as well this time." Said Gibbs before turning to see Lucy. He looked at her asking how she was just by his look. The smile she gave him was enough to satisfy his urge to o beat Tom in that moment.

"Who's this?" she questioned.

"William Decker, meet my partner Lucy James." Replied Jethro, watching Decker cautiously like an eagle does it's pray, knowing his habit with women.

"Well Jethro, you certainly do get the stunners." Said Decker with a charming smile. Lucy looked straight through his act, but kept the smile up for appearances. As soon as she could she left, her and Gibbs were called to the Directors office.

Lucy walked next to Gibbs. "He's worse that Stan!" she said in disgust.

"You're not a fan?"

She gave him a look of disgust once more. "I don't do well with men who are only after one thing. Burley is the exception; at least he has some personality to him." Jethro Just laughed whilst holding the director's door open for her.

They stood in front of his large wooden desk, their boss sat behind it, ready for the ball in a suit and bow tie. "You wanted to see us?" questioned Gibbs. He was always straight to the point and for Tom Marrow that made him both his best agent and biggest pain in the backside.

"I did. I wanted to make sure things were all in place for tonight. You two are going to be in charge of things. It's an opportunity to show these high rankers and the President just what NCIS has become in recent years. You'll have earwigs; you'll be able to chose who you talk to. But stay in a pair, it means if you get caught up talking there is still one of you to watch the others back. You two are two of the best agents I have."

"Thank you sir." Replied Lucy with a smile.

"Good, now I shall let you both go. This is an evening for celebration; I expect you on your best behaviour Jethro."

"I always am sir."

"Hmm that is debatable Jethro, right off you go."

_**Washington DC, 3**__**rd**__** July 1999, 17:13**_

Lucy and Jethro once more escaped the hands of another rambling senator. They'd been here over two hours, setting up surveillance equipment and hooking up the CCTV, making sure everyone was on the same page and now they were still not even half way through. It was time now though for speeches, and knowing that everyone would be inside Lucy and Gibbs escaped into the night. It was mild yet there was a chilling breeze. She stood there breathing in and out. She'd had this whole relationship on her mind for the evening. She wanted out, and she knew tonight she would tell him. But she also knew just what it would cost her. "Jethro, Lucy thought I saw you both escaping the madness." They both turned to see Tobias.

"Hello Tobias." Replied Gibbs.

"How's the divorce? Heard it's becoming a head ache." The FBI agent replied stifling a laugh.

"How do you-"

"Stan." Interrupted Lucy with a smirk. Jethro simply retaliated.

"How's the marriage?"

"She's filed for divorce. Gonna wipe out my bank account."

Jethro just laughed. "Don't say I didn't warn you!"

"At least you have Emily." Said Lucy.

Tobias smiled. "That I do. I love this one Jethro! Can I take her?"

"Not a chance old man. She's all mine NCIS through and through."

All three of them laughed as they stared off into the night. It seemed no matter what you went through in life there was always someone else who could make you smile. For these three it was taking the mick out of other peoples situations. But as the night continued, hands were diverted and conversations avoided. When it all came to a close it was nearing midnight and Lucy was shattered, all she wanted was to go home and curl up in bed. But she knew in the back of her mind that was not going to happen and that there was someone waiting for her in the place that had once been safety.

After turning all the equipment off, Jethro drove Lucy home. As they pulled up outside her house he was hesitant to let her go. Knowing that there was a high chance tomorrow she would come to work with another bruise, cracked rib or a twisted ankle to show for her evening and add to the ever growing list of things he had done to her. But she left the car with a weak smile. It was her attempt to convince him she would be fine, but they both knew that it was convincing neither one of them anymore that it was them.

Lucy walked into her place whilst Gibbs stood outside leaning against the car door. He was debating running in there and taking her home with him. Yet he knew it would only be putting off the inevitable. She couldn't hide forever. With hat knowledge he hesitantly got back in his car and drove home for another night sanding his boat.

Inside Lucy walked into her hall, taking off her blazer. But there was a cold feeling in the air. As she walked into the kitchen she turned on the light and saw the man she had been dreading sat there. An empty bottle of Vodka sat beside him. "What do you want?" she questioned walking over to the kettle and boiling it for a cup of tea in a hope to divert her attention and settle her nerves.

"You shouldn't have sent me away last night Lucy." He said, his tone cold, gruff and all too serious.

"Yeah well. I can't go on like this anymore." She replied as the kettle finished its whistle and she poured the boiling water into the cup. "It's over Tom. Finished, now you need to leave."

"That isn't going to happen Lucy, we both know that." He said standing up.

"Yes, it is. We are finished."

He came up behind her, pushed her into the working top - hard. Her hand went out to stabilise her, he knocked over the cup of tea, it spilt on her hand burning at touch. She let out a hiss of pain. "You don't get to make choices like that." He whispered in her ear.

"I do, and I am. No more Tom, you leave or I go to the police, I'll tell the director, have charges pressed." He pulled her hair back.

"You wouldn't."

"Watch me." She hissed. With that he threw her across the room so she hit the wall. Her face collided with the cool surface of the wall, blood poured from her nose. She wiped it away, looking up at him through eyes that were fighting against the flow of tears.

"I told you no!" he said walking towards her and pulling her head up to hers to kiss her. Her lips stayed firmly still and shut refusing to give. "Oh come on Lucy, don't start playing all hard to get!" he said pushing her across the room before moving over to kick her in the ribs. She yelped in pain and he leant down and slapped her, before clutching her chin. "No one tells me no." he said in a sickly sweat voice.

"Well I do!" she said. He put his hands around her neck and began to squeeze, she coughed and gasped for air as she began to see stars, she heard him laugh. Her vision began to go blurred around the edges, and with the last ounce of strength she remembered her gun. She grabbed it off the floor beside her, remembering seeing it fall when he'd pushed her. She felt the cold metal, he was so engrossed laughing, and he didn't notice her disable the safety.

Holding it near his chest she pulled the trigger. It seemed to go so slower than ever before. She felt his grasp loosen, she saw the shock in his eyes, the blood on his clothes. Then the realisation flicker through his eyes. She felt his weight as the lifeless body fell on her. She closed her eyes in relief. Taking a breath before pushing his lifeless body off of her. Standing up on wobbling knees she began to walk. Looking at the gun in her hands she dropped it before running.

Jethro sanded his boat, his gut wrenching and mind spinning. He knew something wasn't right. When he heard the uneven footsteps above him he felt concerned. Then he saw the figure at the top of the stairs into his basement. The light turned on at the movement and illuminated her small, still body. But the first thing he noticed was the blood. Her white blouse covered in blood, her face covered in it and so were her hands. There she stood with fear stricken eyes. "Luce?" he said, his heart breaking.

"He's dead." She said in a weak voice before collapsing to the ground.

_Wow! Cliffhanger!_

_Please please review! _


	8. no excuses

_Disclaimer – I don't own Ncis_

_I hope this is alright, sorry for the delay, _

_Thanks to Shy Chey 97 (who now knows why we all hate it when she leaves us on a cliff hanger) and Left my heart in Paris for their lovely reviews._

_This is for you two, enjoy…_

_**Washington DC, 4**__**th**__** July 1999, 01 22 hours**_

He watched her falls. But everything seemed to go in slow motion from the moment he heard the words fall from her lips. HE watched in slow motion as her knees buckled under her. First she went from full height to half, then she fell. The thud of her head hitting the cold wooden stairs echoed around the room. His mind was haunted though by the look in her eyes. The pain she must be in to collapse, yet they were blank. They were emotionless as though any pain physical or emotionless was dulled out. That was what worried him, but so did the blood that covered the cloths that had been perfect only hours before whilst she got praised by high ranking officers and senators. He wasn't able to tell what was hers, if any of it was hers. Yet he ran over, only his legs seemed to move slower that he remembered. IT was as if no matter how hard her tried things were going too slow.

He took the rickety old wooden stairs two at a time, falling to his knees when he saw her. His first thought was to check her pulse which at first in a heart stopping moment he couldn't find. Then he did, and although week he was relieved because she was alive. Then he checked her head to see if it was bleeding, which it thankfully wasn't. Yet after shutting her name in a hope to get her awake and getting no reply he rang the ambulance. "Erm, female, 24, collapsed, no sight of any external bleeding but she's been beaten badly. A weak pulse, and she's breathing…" he knew how best to ask for an ambulance and did so, rattling off the information he needed. Then he gave them the address and the woman on the other end asked him to stay on the line in case something happened that the ambulance men needed to know about.

The eleven minutes which he waited for the ambulance to come was the longest of his life. It seemed as though every passing second he was losing her. The woman on the end of the phone kept talking, asking him questions and trying to keep him calm yet in reality he just wanted for her to be quiet and let him concentrate on Lucy. All the while his hand over her forehead checking the blood on her was not in fact hers. Yet he was still worried by the words that she'd spoken. Telling him 'he was dead'. Yet before he had time to do anything the ambulance had arrived and she was being carted off. Quickly things began to move at a faster pace again. And Jethro jumped into the back of the Ambulance to travel with her.

The journey to the hospital was the worst journey of his life. Along the way they lost her three times, each on felt as though the only person he'd trusted other than Jenny and Shannon was leaving him. It felt like he was losing a daughter and a best friend all at once. Every time they lost her though they bagged her and paddled her, when the rhythmical sound of the heart monitor piped up again though he would let out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding in.

Finally they arrived at the hospital and greeted by a group of doctors and nurse all wearing scrubs of different shades of blue. She was wheeled out of the ambulance and taken away. Jethro ran after listening to every word they said and taking it in. "…three times along the journey. She's been unconscious for approximately 20 minutes. Abdominal bruises and suspected internal bleeding. I want in surgery, and a CT, MRI and CAT scan. She fell on her head let's find out what wrong…" barked an older doctor as they wheeled her away. As they went down into the surgery Jethro followed only to be stopped by a young woman who looked like she had only just left school.

"I'm sorry sir you can't go any further." She said silently judging whether he was going to be one of those people who would start a fight and course trouble. But Jethro just glared at her. "I'll let you know as soon as there is any change." Jethro nodded and headed outside knowing the next few hours would be the longest of his life.

Jethro is and never had been a man who is able to sit, do nothing and wait. So as he stood outside in the blackness, the lights of the car park and the motorway far out in the distance shone bright. The noise of passing cars out in the distance was only occasional now. The hospital its self was quiet, just the odd nurse and doctor stood outside with a cigarette. It was strange that, they were the ones that preached against smoking yet there they stood. Then again it was like their job, doctor, nurses, police and feds all worked the most stressful jobs there are and so it is them who you often find smoke and drink more than civilians to try and calm and clear their minds.

Picking out his phone Jethro saw it was only SOS calls, so walked out further into the car park until he had two bars like Lucy had taught him. Going into his phonebook he found Stan's number and run him. "What?" answered a sleepy Burley.

"Burley!"

"Yes boss?" he said suddenly much more awake than before.

"Lucy's in hospital." It was all he needed to say and he knew it. He heard the rustling of bed sheets and hobbling across cold floors.

"What happened?"

"That scumbag of a boyfriend, he beat her too hard. Suspected internal bleeding and possible brain damage."

"I'll kill him Gibbs! I swear to God I'll kill the piece of –"

"She already has."

"She alright?"

"Unconscious and in surgery."

"What you want me to do?" asked Stan knowing he was from this moment not getting back in his bed anytime soon.

"I'm waiting here for news. Go to her place, canvass the scene. No special treatment: do it as any other scene."

"Boss I-"

"I know Stan, I know. We should have stopped it, neither one of us did."

"Let me know if there's any change."

With that Jethro hung up. The girl currently having her insides observed was so loved by everyone. She was one of the few people who would get a person's full trust within a matter of minutes and have friends that would last a lifetime. Jethro and Stan were her family, yet both knew if things had gone differently then she wouldn't be with NCIS now. She'd be a mother, loving and caring for her little girl. But instead she was a person with a past no one poked into and demons as bad as Jethro's. Looking at his phone he dialled the Director, as he too had fallen for Lucy's charm many years ago.

"Marrow." Answered a groggy voice, and in the background Jethro could hear his boss' wife asking who it was as she too was woken from a peaceful slumber.

"Lucy's in hospital. In sugary with suspected internal bleeding."

"Who?" asked the older man; he too, instantly woke up at the words.

"Her boyfriend; he's been abusing her for months and I couldn't stop it!"

"She was independent Jethro, she wouldn't have let you. Where is he?"

"Dead, I think she killed him. Stan's at the scene."

"Stay at the hospital, I'll go help Burley. . . she'll be alright Jethro, we protect our own."

"shame I didn't protect her sooner." With that Gibbs hung up and went in search of the café to find coffee. Tom and Stan would investigate, but Jethro was sure it was self defence.

_**Washington DC, 4**__**th**__** July 1999, 04 38 hours**_

Hours passed by and Jethro sat in the sterile waiting room. The white walls clustered with multiple posters all relating to a multitude of health issues. The blue chairs with plastic leather, firmly padded seats lined the walls. Tables sat in the corners clustered with old dog eared magazines many a person had flicked through attempting to read whilst their minds were a million miles away. Jethro didn't even bother to try. He just thought of the first time they'd opened up to each other nearly a year ago, sat in his basement. The day she'd told him about her little girl and her past life and he'd told her about Shannon and Kelly, something he'd only ever shared with Jenny, and even then she'd discovered it not him told her.

Jethro felt someone watching and looked up to see the young nurse he'd seen earlier. Standing he walked over. "When they opened her up there was more of a bleed than they had though. She lost a lot of blood but they managed to clamp the artery and stop the bleed. She'd had an MRI, CT and CAT scan too. We don't think there is any brain damage though, or a blood clot." The young woman saw the relief on the silver haired man's face. This was one of the reasons she worked here, to see how her work could change lives. "She's still sedated but you can see her. She'll be awake soon. She's lucky. But there is something else you should know."

"What?"

"We found a series of brakes cracks and fractured on her ribs. There is serious evidence of abuse. You are a fed?"

He was confused for a moment then saw his badge."Yeah, so is she. NCIS is running and investigation. The man accused had been dealt with."

She smiled. "Good, she's in room 304, just down that corridor."

Jethro thanked her and walked away. For now she was safe, the SOB was dead and he would clear her name. She was like his daughter and with that came a feeling of protectiveness. From now on he would have her back 24/7, he would keep her safe and this time there would be no excuse.

_Thanks for reading, I hope it was okay,_

_Please leave me a review, _

_This story is proving hard to write and the support really helps,_

_Thanks _

_xxxx_


	9. beginning of a new chapter

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I hope this is alright. Sorry for slow updates, I've been trying to chose a sixth form that does law as an A-level (harder than it sounds), then I've got the joy that is French and geography homework – wonderful!_

_Please go check out my new story – perfect moments in time which is just up _

_Thanks to Left my heart in paris, DS2010 and especially Shy Chey 97 and her offer for assistance ( I may be taking you up on that soon (; xx) _

_Anyways – enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, July 4**__**th**__** 1999, 10 22 hours**_

The heat of summer had finally arrived in Washington DC. The sun shone down on a city hard at work. Yet it seemed ironic to Jethro that it wasn't a clear day as would be expected, but raining instead. As if it was a day that the gods would not let be perfect when Lucy's world had been shattered. Inside Stan was talking to Lucy, finding out what had happened in her kitchen. Marrow was in some silent passage in the depths of the maze that was the hospital on the phone attempting to deal with the SecNav.

The rain was tapping down on the pavement, leaving perfectly round spots on each of the concrete paving slabs. The drops were cold as they hit the passersby on their warm flushed cheeks. They fell straight; no wind blew them in any direction. Jethro sat on the undercover seating area outside of the plain 1960's building. The sun was strong, giving DC a beautiful glow. The warmth didn't affect this hard ex-marine though. Instead he just sat there in a daze, his iconic Styrofoam cup of coffee in hand. As he gazed up at the pale blue sky he saw the perfect flawless colour, the fluffy yet darkened by rain grey clouds in the sky. And over, starting from behind the starch hospital building her saw the beginning of a new rainbow forming. Its colours still faint and muted but only the beginning of something special. Like a sign sent by God so many centuries ago after the great flood, and now, like a promise there would be a brighter day.

Jethro still hadn't breathed that sigh of relief most did when their loved one was announced to be alive and well. But nor would he until she was cleared of killing her abuser, until this brave agent had her flawless name back.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs had lost too many people in his lifetime. He'd just come so close to losing another. Now he couldn't help but feel guilty, Shannon had died, and Jenny left, although Lucy was different, they'd been the only three women he'd ever loved. Shannon and Jenny as lovers, whilst Lucy like a sister daughter and best friend all rolled into one. Some days he looked at her and wondered if maybe Kelly would have turned out like Lucy, with the courage and independence she had. Yet he knew now was not a time to think about that as he cleared his mind. He missed his family, but for now he had to be happy that Lucy was safe.

"Figured you could use a fresh one; you've been nursing that one for nearly an hour now. It must be stone cold Jethro." Said Marrow; coming up from behind and passing the other man a fresh cup of coffee. Jethro smiled in thanks and the director took the seat one but next to him. "Stan is on his way back to headquarters."

"What's the conclusion?"

"Self defence. He tried to abuse her after she told him it was over. He was strangling her, she reacted in self defence. Case closed."

"The evidence supports?"

"Yeah, it's fully corresponding."

"Good." Replied Jethro. Neither had looked at the other. "I should have done something Tom. I knew and I didn't stop it."

"She wouldn't have thanked you. She's strong and independent. She wanted to be in control."

"And it nearly killed her."

"'Nearly' being the operative word Jethro. It didn't, she survived and what else is there to say? It's not about what you didn't do; but what you can do now. She needs your support now, not you moping around."

With that the Director left to go back to his office and argue with politicians. Jethro on the other hand stayed still, watching the rain as it slowly fell. Then, draining the remainder of his coffee he began to walking into the hospital building.

He stood by the door, looking into the cold, while sterile room and at her small curled up body shaking as she sobbed. Stan had been gone half an hour by the time Jethro arrived at Lucy's room. Now he stood watching. He couldn't see her face, and so she hadn't seen him either. She'd curled up looking out of the window, although he guessed she wasn't much admiring the view.

Slowly he walked over, she was lying in the middle of the bed and so he sat in front of her and just sat there stroking her hair until he sobs subsided and she'd opened her eyes to look up at him. She saw the love in his eyes and made her realise once more what she had so nearly lost thanks to that SOB. With a sigh she sat up and hugged the man who had been like a father to her. "I've screwed up Jethro."

"Nah, nah you haven't Luce."

"Am I not meant to be happy?" she asked looking in his eyes as tears ran down her cheeks. "I mean, I lose my little girl Gibbs, is that not enough. I mean, now Tom…Gibbs I can't do this anymore." She said as the sobs returned. He pulled her into him and hugged her.

"None of this is your fault Luce. None of it." He comforted stroking her hair softly.

_**Washington DC, July 4**__**th**__** 1999, 12:08 hours**_

A couple of hours later Jethro and Lucy were still in her hospital room. He was now sat on the chair and the pair were laughing and joking about Tobias and Diane. "It's his own fault. I warned him she'd take him for a fool and clear out his bank account." Jethro said laughing.

"Yeah, but at least he got Emily out of it. That girl is his world!"

"Lucy!" Squealed Abby. She was the new forensics expert at NCIS. She was bubbly, full of life and just what the building needed. She was hyper and a hugger. Jethro had taken a liking to her as a daughter, but hadn't spent much time near her because of being worried about Lucy. Now she'd come to visit and although Lucy had had her guard up around the young Goth, both girls were sure that they'd be friends soon enough.

Abby ran up and lighter than usual hugged the blonde. "I am so so sorry. I should have noticed . . ." the Goth began to ramble and tears ran down her face.

"Abby!" said Lucy but the girl wouldn't listen. "Abby!" she said again more forcefully which quietened her. "It was not your fault okay? I would not have let you in." with that she gave the younger woman a hug. Stan joined the group and hugged Lucy too before head slapping her for keeping it a secret. Soon he was sharing the top of the bed with Lucy after wanting to punch her off and sleep. But after getting a head slap from Gibbs he had decided to share. Abby was at the bottom and Gibbs still in the chair. He watched them all with a smirk as they laughed and joked. This was just maybe the start of a new chapter for his partner, and hopefully a better one at that.

_Hope it was okay, sorry for Abby's drop in arrival but I thought she fitted into this scene _

_Please review _

_-fashiongirl97_


	10. take a deep breath and relish the moment

_**Washington DC, August 16**__**th**__** 1999, 16:47**_

Six weeks had passed now since the day when Lucy had been pushed to and so nearly beyond her breaking point. Her wounds had healed faster than the doctors had anticipated, so she'd been cleared as healthy - physically. Yet it was not the end of the whole ordeal, whilst Lucy was desperate to get back to at least some sort of state of normality – whatever that now would be - she was still in counselling for her mental state - even if she had put up a fight about it when she had first been told she it was mandatory by the Director. But on the brighter side, she'd just finished her first full week at work, which had been as mad and hectic as usual, yet for once she was not moaning about the early mornings and Stan's crude jokes, she was just thankful to be out in the real world once more. Now Friday had finally rolled around. Outside the summer's sun shone brightly, yet the air held a chill to it that would usually not be felt until late September. For the residents of DC it seemed as though summer had been and gone in a flash, even if the calendars did still protest. Inside Lucy sat at her desk in the bull pen. She'd been refined to desk duty until she had finished her counselling in two weeks time. Yet for once she was not moaning, she was just glad to be out of the house. For the first few weeks out of hospital she had been staying at Gibbs' place. Yet once she had begun to feel as though she was well and truly on her way to recovery she'd started looking for a new flat or house, after all, her old place had too many bad memories housed inside. So, with a new chapter of her life brought s new house. She'd told her landlord she was moving out and with Gibbs and Burley as her muscle men she had moved her things out and into Gibbs' house. Last week thought she had gotten the keys to her new house. It was only a two up two down terrace but it was completely her. As soon as she had got the keys she had requested the land lord's permission and paid Burly $60 to paint the master bedroom and the lounge. She'd also gotten him to move in all of her stuff after playing her injury card. Although he had acted as though he was not impressed he'd actually just been happy to find she was back to her old self.

Now she sat at her desk which was for once immaculate as whilst the rest of the team had been out in the field she'd had little else to do. Now she was wearing a pair of light tan chinos with a cream cotton blouse with gold buttons, she had cream heels on with tan ribbon and a bow. Lucy had her long blond hair with its natural slight curl to it tied up in a high ponytail, but she'd also had a full fringe put in with feathered edges that framed her face. Around her neck hung a gold cross that she had worn since she had been let out of hospital. Her makeup was light and natural, she had pale lipstick and gold studs in her ears.

Lucy was currently busy typing up a case file, the bull pen was empty as all agents not on active cases had gone home and Gibbs' team were soon to be joining them. Burly walked into the Bull pen with a smirk on his face. "You can go home Lucy." He said.

"I'll wait until I hear it from the boss' lips."

"There was a time not so long ago Luce, when I said: 'jump' and you said: 'how high?'"

"Yeah, and look where that got me: death glares and one or two headaches to last a week, not to mention the amount of rubbish jobs you all dumped on me!" She said with a smirk, he just rolled his eyes.

"Go home!" said Gibbs as he came barging into the bull pen in a fashion that had become iconic to him. Stan just smirked at Lucy as she began to grab her stuff to go home.

"Hey boss, Luce, you two fancy going for a drink? Meet at 6ish? The usual place?" questioned Stan.

"Sure see ya then." Said Lucy as she walked away leaving for the night.

"Boss?" questioned Stan.

"No tonight Burley." He replied.

"Come on boss, if not for me then for Lucy. She's been through hell and high water recently; it's time she let her hair down if only for the night. She's off her pain meds so she can have a drink. You two are close, I know that."

"Fine, I'll think about it." Responded Gibbs and Stan walked out with a smug smile on his face.

_**Washington DC, August 16**__**th**__** 1999, 15:37**_

Music played softly through the room. The master bedroom had been painted in a light turquoise colour with darker turquoise wallpaper on one wall. Her bedding was white and the accessories were perfectly fitting. She sat in front of the small whitewashed dressing table she'd had for years doing her makeup. She finished her lipstick before sliding her feet into stilettos and looking at her reflection in the full length mirror. Lucy was wearing a emerald green dress with a crew neck line and a scooped back. It had full length arms and fitted her perfectly, the hem just an inch above her knee. She had on opaque black tights and on her feet were black stilettos. Around her neck hung a gold cross as per usual whilst on her wrist was a delicate charm bracelet her grandmother had bought her. With her fingers she fixed her hair which was lose with natural curls. Her eye makeup was dark, yet her foundation had grown a little lighter over the past few weeks as she finally learnt she had nothing to hide. She smiled at her reflection. It may seem slightly dressed up for the bar but on a Friday night everyone in there was a little bit more dressed up. Grabbing her leather jacket she left the house, big hand bag over her shoulder.

Twenty minutes later she arrived at their usual place. It was a small bar just outside of the Navy yard which often attracted a lot of military personnel who wanted to get away from superior officers in the yard. She could feel a few eyes on her as she walked in, but soon spotted Gibbs sat over I the corner, his silver hair making him stand out a mile away. She walked over and sat down with a smile. She sat Burly over at the bar and smirked as she saw him attempting to chat up a girl. "Go tease him." Said Gibbs who could see her longing. So she did. Walking over she swayed her hip, then, placing her hands on his shoulders and her head on his shoulder. Then whispering she said: "Darling I'll have a white wine spritzer when you are quite ready." Yet she also made it loud enough for the other woman to hear. Then she smiled as the other woman looked in disgust at Stan and walked away. Laughing she tapped his shoulder. "Good one Stan." He just sighed.

"Hey, Luce!" he said when he noticed her attire.

"Yeah?" she replied before she sat down.

"You look good."

And with that they began their evening. They laughed and joked and for just one night, Lucy felt like the last six months had not happened. She had the people around her who loved her, made her smile and were her real family. That evening she felt as though all she needed was those two people, Jethro was like her father and Burley her pain in the ass brother. This was her life, and it was time to make the most of it.


	11. protection of those to come

_Disclaimer- I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I just want to thank all who reviewed, apologise for the wait and apologise for the fact this chapter is rubbish – I am really struggling to write at the moment! _

_Thank you, and enjoy_

_**Washington DC, 5**__**th**__** September 1999, 07 30**_

Lucy walked into the bull pen with an annoyed look on her face. Burley sat at his desk with a smirk on his face. He saw her come into the bull pen and instantly passed a nervous look to Gibbs. This past week had been tough on all of them. The case was hard, the hardest in a while. Last week they had unearthed a body in the Navy Yard, a young blonde Senior Chief Petty Officer. She was 23 years of age. They'd then ended up finding a further 5 bodies, ranging back in TOD through the last 5 weeks. Each week the victim had been a year older. Every time it was a blonde naval officer. Each time the murder was exactly the same. They were killed at night, their thoughts slashed in a professional manner which meant they were dead before they hit the ground and made no sound. They had a cross cut through their blouse and piercing their skin where their heart was. Each time the body was buried in a shallow grave with a Halloween red devil stick stood up in the ground.

The case had gotten worse by the fact the latest victim had been an officer they'd all known. She'd worked with them on a case a year back, and held a striking resemblance to Lucy. Gibbs had been massively protective over her. Last night the blonde hadn't left the office until gone 2am. She'd been sat up finding links between the officers. She slung her bag down on the floor and shoved her gun and badge in the draw of her desk.

Her hair was still visibly wet and slung into a messy bun, her fringe had been dried properly until she had run out of time and abandoned the task. She had on a pair of straight leg black trousers with a emerald green silk blouse. She placed her head in her hands and groaned. "Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."

"Well Burley some of us have had under ten hours sleep this past week so forgive me for not being in the best of moods!" she said unimpressed. Stan raised his hands in mock surrender which only made her chuck a stapler at his desk. "What've we got?" questioned Gibbs standing up.

"Erm…well none of the women were married and none seeing boyfriends from what I can gather. All were high achievers and friends and family say that their last relationship got ruined because of their job." Stated Burley.

"and?"

"Erm..boss I couldn't"

"Natasha fellows, 18 years of age, our first victim. She was a high achiever, was due to be given her 3rd class status the week before her death. Friends say she frequently went to the bar just inside the Navy yard: Marina bomb.

"Maisey Blackburn, 19 years of age, just been promoted to a Petty officer 3rd class, her CO says she would be a Lieutenant commander before she was 30. She frequented the bar: Marina bomb.

"Katie Mayson, 20 years of age, Petty officer 2nd class. CO says she was the smartest Navy officer they've had in twenty years. She frequently went to the Marina Bomb.

"Gwen Stevens, 21 years of age, Petty Officer 1st class. Frequently went to the Marina bomb.

"Leyla Jordan, 22 years of age, Chief Petty Officer, went to the: Marina Bomb.

"And finally, Nicole Henderson, 23 years of age, Senior Chief Petty Officer. Guess which bar she frequently went to?" stated Lucy.

"The Marina Bomb." Muttered Gibbs. "Speak to the own-"

"Already done it. Barman says they all sat alone every time they came in. They varied coming in between once and four times a week. Usually not in their uniform, but they wore white blouses and blue trouser-"

"Casual uniform."

"Exactly. I asked him if he'd seen anyone chatting all three of them up recently. He said they always got chatted up, brushed off the presence though. But I got CCTV footage from him." She them grabbed a piece of paper off of her desk and pinned it up on the board. "This guy refused to give up though, barman thought he was desperate and kept telling him to leave them alone."

"Get me an ID."

"Sorry Gibbs, me and Abby stayed up till 2am this morning going over every frame of the CCTV, this was the best shot we got of him. He was good. What we do know is he is between 5ft9" and 6ft. Barman says he was white, had dark shaggy looking hair, he had a tan mark on his finger as though he had only just started taking off a wedding ring."

"Good work Luce."

"I have a theory." She said looking at her partner for confirmation to voice it.

"Theory or gut?"

"Bit of both. This guy, he goes for women who are high achievers, have come out of a relationship which was ruined by their job. He had a ring mark on his finger."

"You're thinking he was married to female Navy officer-"

"He jobs got in the way, she chose the job over him." She said turning to her partner. She saw the hurt flash through his eyes momentarily.

"wouldn't be the first time it had happened." Muttered Gibbs under his voice, memories of the dear john letter Jenny had left him on the plane after Paris.

_**Washington DC, 5**__**th **__**September 1999, 17:37 hours**_

"Not a chance!" said Gibbs.

"Jethro, how else are we going to catch this SOB?"

"We stake out the bar."

"And in the mean time he kills how many other girls? I'm the right age, I fit the description."

"I'm not sending you undercover Lucy!"

"Why the heck not?"

"Because two months ago I nearly lost you, and I can't lose another daughter!" he shouted back. The only reason he had said what he had was because they were in the lift. She looked at Jethro, he eyes all of her sudden waters, she looked Jethro and just hugged him.

"I'm sorry, god Jethro I'm so sorry." He kissed the top of her head. "You're like a father to me you know that? A few year ago when everything broke down I never thought I'd have anyone who cared even the slightest. But I do, I have a family."

"Please don't do this luce."

"Jethro, I am doing this for those girls, I'm doing it for Nicole. Because we could do nothing to help them, but we can help other girls before the same thing happens to them too." Jethro looked in her eyes and smiled. She was one of the only people who had ever stood up to him, and that was one of the reasons why he'd taken her under his wing. Now, knowing this was an argument she would not be willing to lose he just hugged her.

A few minutes later they stepped out of the lift, Lucy had already changed into an outfit like the ones the other victims had been wearing and was ready for the off. Now she looked at Stan and smiled. "Stop looking as though I'm about to die Stan, and give me the earwig." As so they wired her up so that it was invisible to the untrained eye and even nearly to the trained. So as she stood there ready for the off they all wished her look.

What none of them knew that night as Lucy went undercover, and brought down the murderer was that although it was the first undercover opp she had done, by no means would it be the last. For Lucy it was a world that over the next few months she would be submerged into. But for tonight she would sleep safe and happy in her bed knowing that she had successfully completed her task and brought down the man who had killed a good officer.


	12. The perfect medicine

_Disclaimer – don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I am so sorry for the delay, I've had serious writer's block with this chapter which is why it is sort of a filler chapter. I've also realised I have a longer time space to fill than I thought so any suggestions are welcomed with open arms and I'll give you a shout out. _

_Also, this is for Tataalicat and Jenny Maria Gibbs as I hope they both stay safe!_

_Enjoy! xx_

_**Washington DC, October 13**__**th**__** 1999, 07:45 hours**_

As her eyes slowly fluttered open she winced at the beam of light that had strayed through the blackout blinds. Her head felt heavy and dull. Slowly she sat up and walked over to the window pulling the blind fully shut. Multicoloured swirls spun in front of her eyes as she tried to steady herself before closing the blind. Placing her warm palm on her forehead she opened her eyes ever so slightly and once more she felt them weigh down heavily and form the previously dull ache in her head to be transformed and magnified into what felt like a herd of unruly elephant slowly stomped over her. Lucy was well aware of what was wrong; she had the joy of a migraine!

It had been nearly six weeks since she had gone undercover against Jethro's wishes to catch their killer – which she had done successfully. But since then things in her world had altered slightly and gone away from the normality she had begin to settle into and get used to. After hearing of the success she had made her night when hunting their marine killer the Director had palmed her off to various other teams so she could assist in their investigations. Most had only been for a few hours or a day at the most. But last week she had spent the entirety of it undercover. At first Jethro had been scared, and not exactly pleased with her spending all this time under false identities. That was in fact an understatement, the second time he had stormed off up to the director's office demanding it to stop. Only Lucy being Lucy had somehow managed to tame the silver fox over the past few months and so she had managed to calm him down and he left the director's office – both of them in one piece still. Slowly they had gotten into a routine. She knew he worried like a father about her and so, after she had been debriefed she would make her way over to his house and down into his basement. The majority of the time they would sit in silence, drinking bourbon or coffee which had slowly grown on Lucy. Yet last night, by the time she had been debriefed she was shattered, it was approaching 2 am and, even though she enjoyed her time in his basement, as she wanted to do was snuggle up in bed and fall asleep. So, she simply texted him:

I'm home & safe. See u work mon. – Luce xx

Of course, Gibbs being Gibbs had not replied to her text as he never did. Lucy knew that it was the stress of recent events, long and hard cases mixed with mainlining coffee and having no sleep that had brought on her migraine. She knew exactly what the best thing to do was - as she always had since she was a teenager. So, slowly she made her way into her bathroom, leaving it dark and washed her face with cool water. Loosely she tied her hair up into a messy bun before returning to her bedroom to place on a baggy NCIS hoodie over her leggings and vest top. Then, at the same slow pace as she had gone a before, Lucy made her way downstairs to the kitchen.

Whilst the kettle took its sweet time boiling, Lucy stood with her head resting against the working top listening tot the bubbles form and pop inside of the mettle. Then finally, as she heard the distinct sound of the gush of steam as it reached its favoured temperature she stood up and made herself some tea, and took it with her to her room.

The duvet was warm as she lay down, the blackout blinds doing their job well as they let no more stray light though. Lucy grabbed two ibuprofen tablets and downed them dry before lying down and closing her eyes. At intervals she drank sips of the warm tea beside her and before she realised she drifted off into slumber as the painkillers kicked in. Beside her, she'd placed her phone on silent earlier, and now the screen lit up regally with Jethro's name as he attempted to ring her multiple times. Yet they weren't on call today she far as Lucy would remember and so she hadn't needed it on loud.

Four hours later she was awoken to furious banging on her front door. The sound was loud and made her head feel just one hundred timed worse. Gently she sat up, letting her head stop spinning before she stood, and taking the mug which was still half full with now cold tea made her way downstairs. Placing the mug on the banister post she opened the door gently as she heard a yell: "Lucy open this door."

She opened the terraces' door to see Jethro stood on her front doorstep. With half closed eyes she leant against the door. "Never be unreachable! Remember that rule Lucy?"

"Jethro-"

"No, Lucy, go get dressed we've got a case."

"We're not on call." She said as he walked in and she closed the door heading into the kitchen to make more tea.

"We are now."

"Jethro, I have a migraine, quieten down."

"Burley waiting."

"Well he's gonna be waiting a helluva lot longer cause I am not working. I am ill, I have a migraine Jethro."

He looked at her and for the first time since walking in; he swallowed his pride to one side and saw the drooping eyelid, black bags and pale completion. He walked over and softly hugged her. HE knew how bad migraines could be, Shannon had gotten them a lot when she was pregnant with Kelly. So he hugged her gently as felt her relax. Softly he kissed her head. "You eaten anything?" he whispered.

"no." she replied, equally as softly.

"Go to bed, I'll bring you something up."

"You don't have to."

"You're my little girl, I'm being your father so let it be and go back to bed."

Fifteen minutes later Jethro walked into the dark room with a tray containing soup, water, and tea as well as ibuprofen tablets. Softly sitting on her bed he handed her a glass of water and two tablets. "Here." He said. "Take theses." And she did as she was ordered. Then he handed her some soup and waited whilst she ate it, not once did he turn on a light.

"What about Stan?" he asked realising he must be waiting.

"He's at the crime scene. He can manage on his own for a while." She smiled.

"You sure you want to do that? This is Stan."

"I know." He said.

Jethro stayed with Lucy whilst she finished her meal and then sat next to her as she fell asleep on his shoulder. Once he was sure she was asleep he removed her from him and placed her head on her pillow, waiting to make sure she didn't wake. Then he took the empty dishes downstairs and placed them in the dishwasher before leaving a note on the working top and going to work.

That night he returned, and found her feeling slightly better. But still concerned her made her some tea as well as something to eat and waited with her till she fell asleep like a father does. Then, with a light kiss on her forehead he crept out into the night, assuring himself he did have a family even if she weren't by blood.

_Also, please go like the 'ncis couples' page on facebook!_

_Please review and give me suggestions! _


	13. turning life on it's head

_**Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS**_

_**Authors Note – I hope this is alright. It's the beginning of the next big thing so I hope it's alright xx**_

_**Washington DC, October 27**__**th**__** 1999, 09:47 hours**_

Lucy James was stressed. She was tired, annoyed and more than anything about to kill her boss. It was a Saturday, team Gibbs were on call and Lucy was in the gym. The rest of her team were up in the bull pen. Stan was doing the paperwork that had been sat on his desk for all of eternity and Jethro was no doubt sat pouting over the latest thing the Director had pulled rank on.

She stood there in front of the punch bag poised. In her sports leggings, and sports vest top her hair was tied back from her face, with her fringe clipped back. With a deep breath she sprung punched into the bag, kicking it also when needed. This was how she calmed down; this was how she relieved the stress that had built up over the past two weeks thanks to Jethro and his petulant childish behaviour.

Things had changed in the past two weeks. When she'd returned Stan had been his usual self digging her for her week away whilst Jethro just glared at her. But as the week went on the director gave her black op clearance with which she knew something else would soon also be brewing. Yet this new clearance meant that she was wanted in on every black op meeting or conference. As the last week had been full of them Jethro had barely said a work to her or the director. He'd been twice as stubborn and pig headed as they ran the investigation. She hadn't found out as of yet what was brewing but she knew in a few months that she would. For the time being though she just wanted to concentrate on the team and the cases.

Taking a break she walked over to where her phone was and checked it for messages which resulted in a few bored texts from Stan and a service provider text. After a drink o her water she placed a CD into the player and listened as her work out music began to fill the room: Bon Jovi.

She returned over to the mat and began to do her press-ups, then jack knives and sit ups. After ten minutes she began to stretch off again before going back t her punch bag. Since everything with Tom had broken down she'd gotten into the habit of training more. She wanted to be able to defend herself better. So she also kept fitter, ate healthier and trained harder.

As she went back to the punch bag and continued to throw punches she was unaware of the fact that Stan was watching by the door. "Wanna try your chances with me Luce?" she turned and smirked.

"I'd have you on your face in two minutes old man!"

"$50 says you won't"

"Bring it on." She said walking over to the ring. She watched as he took off his shoes and blazer and stepped into the ring.

IT didn't take two minutes for her to take him down as Stan soon found out. In fact it only took about thirty seconds. "Alright! You win!" said Stan as he lay with her knee in his back and his face pressed to the ground.

"Thank you. " She said letting go and holding out her hand. He then grabbed his wallet and gave her the money before hobbling out of the gym, whilst her laughter filled the room.

Lucy sighed, turned off the music and grabbed her gear before going to shower. It was strange as she walked around, as though she stood out. The place was empty, and too quiet. Things had seemed that way of recent, and she wasn't sure whose fault it was.

Lucy brushed her wet hair as she held her head under a hand dried in the lady's room. Her fringe had dried thankfully but the rest had not. So with her portable straightness she fixed her fringe before French plaiting the rest of her hair across her shoulder. Looking in the mirror she straightened her dress up. It was a cream, knitted dress which went just below her thighs. It hugged her figure and she wore a black chunky belt, and black opaque tights with matching black stilettos.

Lucy sighed walked out of the ladies and up into MTAC here she was, for what felt like the millionth time that week. Lucy walked through the doors and smiled at the director. "You wanted to see me sir?"

"Actually Agent James it was me that wanted to speak to you." She turned to the board and looked at the SecNav.

"Sir?"

"I wanted to thank you for the op you did last week. I hear you pulled it off without a glitch and got us the correct verdict."

"Thank you sir."

"You are one of the best undercover agents we've had since Gibbs and Shepard."

"Thank you sir."

"Lucy, we want to set up a major black op - with your help." Said the director. "This is Marcus Cavelier. French, 30's."

"If you don't mind my saying so I don't understand why we are going after him."

"He's a major weapons seller. Works alongside La Grenouille, Black rose and many other major arms dealers." Sated the SecNav.

"He's a ladies' man, but also looking for a partner." Added the Director.

"You want to send me under."

"We do." Said the Director.

"We will be the only three people who know the details." Said the SecNav. "I want to arrange a meeting in a few weeks time, go over the details in person. We can't talk over an MTAC line."

Lucy walked out of that room not knowing what to expect. Half of her wanted to jump right in whilst the other half wanted to run away as fast as she could. Life was about to be turned on it's head.

_**Please review xx**_


	14. illuminating the darkness

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS  
Authors Note – thanks for the reviews, enjoy.  
**No Offence Intended With The People Watching Conversation Featured**_

_**Washington DC, November 5**__**th**__** 1999, 20:47 hours**_

The Navy Years had been transformed tonight. November 5th had taken control as the ships that were usually active were allowed to relax – albeit only by a little. The sun had long since left their part of earth, and travelled on downward. The working day had come to a close and everything was beginning to get a little bit magic. In the NCIS Car park all cars had left, and been taken over by a massive bonfire. At one end there was a band made up of four off duty Marines who were singing Katy Perry's Firework and other such songs which were bonfire related. At the opposite end was a bar. One of the local bars who often got a lot of custom from the Navy had set up a stall selling beer and wine, whilst the local star bucks had a stand selling hot chocolate, tea, coffee and enough of Gibbs' blend to last a night time.

Many of the NCIS Agents had turned up with their families, as well as a few who were visiting on cases. Although some teams were still on duty they'd all come down to see the fireworks and have a break for an hour. There was a community feel in the air, as the armed forces and NCIS mingled together. Children ran around whilst mothers watched them nervously as they went near the bonfire. Their laughter filled the air as they smiled, all wrapped up in bug puffy jackets, gloves and scarves, hats with little tassels on. Each one getting too warm and wanting to take their coats off; meanwhile parents refused them to.

Parents, agents, marines, husbands and wives, mothers and fathers: tonight no matter what their rank or status they talked to one another. Fellow marine wives spoke to their husband's co workers and their wives. Things seemed to flow. Some chose the beer if they weren't on active duty until tomorrow, or if they were young. Others chose hot drinks and stood holding the cup in their hands, allowing the heat to seep through the polystyrene cup. Children drunk hot chocolates, marshmallows were roasted on the bonfire, and pumpkin soup from the Halloween lanterns was served up.

Director Tom Marrow walked around, talking and mingling, his wife on his arm, and their children with the others, both watched them out of the corner of their eyes. The director looked more casual, in jeans, a shirt and jumper, with a warm winters coat over the top whilst his wife wore a beige woollen coat with a pale pink scarf. They looked to anyone who didn't know them like any other couple. The Secretary of the Navy had also turned out for his event, as well as his security detail. But where was there a much safer place that with a load of special agents and marines. HE too walked around, talking to people. Stan and Lucy were stood by one of the walls; he had chosen a beer to drink whilst she'd gone with a hot chocolate for the warmth. Stan was for once not eyeing up women as he and Lucy people watched. Her hair had been plaited whilst wet and now was in a high pony tail. She wore a pair of skinny fitting light washed jeans with a black leather jacket fastened up and a thick red scarf draped around her neck. She wore a pair of calf high black booths which had just an inch high heel. Stan stood next to her in a pair of jeans, and a black woollen jacket.

Both knew Gibbs would be somewhere but they were not quite sure where. For now both were content at just looking at the people, making up lives for them. "Go on then." Said Lucy. "The man stood over there, greenish jacket, what do you think his story is?" she asked with a laugh. She looked at her co worker and smiled. She watched him as he slowly recognised who she was talking about.

"Marine." He replied.

"That's obvious from the hair cut."

"Gay."

"His wife is over there." Lucy pointed out. "And his kids too."

"Secretly having a relationship with his father-in-law."

"Seriously?"

"Loves ducks has one tattooed on his back."

"And you can tell how?"

"I was…in the same changing rooms as him at the gym."

"And you just so happened to see huh?" she replied, by this time in fits of laughter.

"Well…"

"Something I should know Burley?" questioned Gibbs from the other side. This was the final straw for the blonde who began crying with laughter as she watched Stan fumble for words. She also saw the glint in Gibbs' eye.

"Erm…well….boss…it's." A glare made him stop. "Oh, look there is that woman I was on about Lucy. Best go say hi and all." He said – unable to get away fast enough. Once he was gone Gibbs let out a small laugh as Lucy slowly managed to compose herself.

"You enjoyed that." She said in-between the odd laugh.

"Not my fault he drops himself in it."

"You could have not mentioned it?"

"Where is the fun in that?" he replied before taking her cup and having a drink. Only to find it was not coffee as he had expected but hot chocolate. "What the hell is that?" he questioned.

"Hot chocolate." She replied, looking un gratefully at the cup he'd chucked in the passing bin.

"It's sickly."

"It's warm."

"So is coffee."

"Well I want to sleep tonight! Anyway, you owe me another so come on." She said and they walked back over to the cart where he bought her another hot chocolate – even if he was grumbling in the process – and him a coffee. By the time they had returned over to where they'd previously been stood the fireworks were about to begin.

Gibbs watched as she glanced at a little girl in her mother's arms, and saw the pain flash through her. "She'd be nearly two now Jethro, my little girl. I would be at some bonfire with her. She'd be all dressed in pink, little rosy cheeks from the cold." He didn't know what to say, he knew from experience words meant nothing in these situations. So, he simply hugged her.

Fireworks exploded into colour in the black sky. Illuminating the darkness. People made the appropriate noises, one little boy cried at the loud bangs, once his father's hands were over his ears though he smiled. Lucy watched in a bitter sweet day. She thought how she'd still love a child, a marriage, but she also knew, in her life that was less likely to happen that to be struck by lightning. SO she watched, and knew, that this was as close as she'd ever get. If she'd of asked Jethro he'd have told her that her time would come one day, but there was absence inside her, as if she already knew her fate, knew it would never be her. She'd read her file on her new op, knew that the next few months would be spent in and out of cover, but she also knew, that when it all boiled down to it this was what she had chosen. Life had dealt her her cards and she'd played them her way. IT may be the start of a ne w chapter, a new life, but at the same time she had a feeling it would be one, no more happy than the last.

…

_Reviews are welcomed with open arms, thanksyou_

_-fashiongirl97 xx_


	15. The snapping of the temper

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I am so so so so so sorry for the delay! Now I'm on this track I am hoping the story will be easier to write even if it will be more case orientated. _

_Hope it is alright, massive thanks to all of you who have kept with this, especially left my heart in Paris for the encouragement recently with all of my ongoing stories!_

_Enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, November 16**__**th**__** 1999, 14:12 hours**_

Life is not a straight road. We don't all travel on the same path. Sometimes, when we think we have got over something yet comes back to haunts us. We end up having to face the demons we have already sent to the back of our minds and hoped to never have to face again. Today for Lucy, this was one of them. She'd dealt with her Miscarriage, managed as hard as it was to push it to the back of her mind. As far as Tom was concerned, she'd managed to slowly get back on her feat. Slowly she'd worked her way back into a normal style of life. Then along had come this case. People hitting too close to home, wanting to help and pushing the limits to do so whilst being nagged in one ear and told not to. It felt now as though everything that she had worked to overcome had come back crashing down around her feet.

She walked around the corner of the staircase that took centre stage as it dominated the orange bullpen. Stressed and feeling things were pushing down on her Lucy bashed her hand against the wall. The tears were welling up behind her strong mask of professionalism that had slowly been fading all day. She shook her hand at the searing pain that spread through her wrist, and ran a tired hand through her wavy hair which was beginning to drop thanks to the last day of stress. They'd been handed a case in which a marine was found dead. It turned out to be an open and shut case until the main eye whiteness had been found to be domestically abused. So now, as they closed the murder they opened a new case which was about one hundred times as difficult, especially on the emotional side for Lucy.

The woman was in her mid thirties, had long brown hair and was once a very pretty woman. Now though thanks t the amount of makeup she wore to hide the bruises you'd never know. She'd been married for five years to an ex-marine who had abused her for at least four of those years from what they could tell. She was sweat, reserved and lovely, but she kept things held back. Now Lucy swore under her breath. She'd just been in interrogation with the husband and flipped. Gibbs had thrown her out. She just wanted to be able to stop this woman going through what she had. She hadn't had her abuse end until she'd ended it by killing him. Now though, now she could prevent someone else having to deal with it too!

"You alright?" questioned Jethro as he stood watching her. She had her head resting against the wall and was breathing slowly. HE leant and looked at her with soft eyes.

"No." she said with a slight laugh.

"You know I couldn't let you stay in there."

"Gibbs! I can help her! I can be the one who ends all this – all of it! I can be the one who stop her having to go through what I did! My abuse only ended when I took the guts and to stop me dying killed him, do you know how that feels? That every time I close my eyes, let my guard slip I see his face. Every time a suspect fights back I feel as though it is him. Every time I go out and a guys looks at me, I think it's just going to happen all over again. I can help her get back on her feat!"

"I know you want to help. I know that. But Luce there are lines you cannot cross, even I don't cross."

"I can't do this Jethro. I finally get back into the swing of things and then this comes along."

HE didn't know what to say. He just hugged her tightly. It was at times like these they both became ever more loyal to one another. HE hugged her. "You still got that meeting with the SecNav about the new op?"

"Yeah."

"Go then. By the time you come back he'll be rotting in jail and she'll be able to start over. That is my promise."

She smiled; sometimes he didn't have to say much. HE just managed to reassure her. She knew he was right so she kissed his cheek and walked off to go to the meeting.

_**Washington DC, November 16**__**th**__** 1999, 15:05 hours**_

They all sat down around the conference table at the main naval base in DC. She was sat alongside the Secretary of the Navy and the Director of NCIS. They began to spoke, profiling the suspect. "Okay." Began the director. "The man we are after is named Marcus Cavelier, aged 36, 5ft9, with dark brown hair and eyes. HE is a major weapons distributor. We know he is a main player along with La Grenouille, and Black Rose."

"Family?" questioned Lucy.

"4th Generation military. Forced in by his father, mother was a house wife brought him up single handily until she was killed when he was fourteen. Marcus was honourably discharged after his father died."

"We have Intel he'll be in New York on December 1st." Stated the SecNav.

"I'm guessing that you're sending me there on that same night. Creating a false alias and sending me to a few chance encounters. I get close, propose a business deal. We work together and then take him down." Lucy added.

"Basically that's it in a nut shell." Stated Tom Marrow.

"There is only one problem. You want me to get close yet you know what happened recently, my last relationship. I'm struggling to trust people as it is what makes you think that this will work?"

"Lucy, we have adapted your alias to fit that?" she gave a confused look.

"We're having it that you were abused by your father. Mother died when you were young. That way you have something to link together."

"Okay, give me the facts." She requested.

"Your name will be Amanda Newman, Aged 24. You're ex military, joined at eighteen, left at twenty two. Okay . . . you are . . . you do not trust easily, you work hard and have hundred of contacts. You'll provide weaponry for Marcus. Primarily it'll be the odd meeting, yet if you get the chance to work on a daily business then take it. The closer you get the better this will end." Stated the Director.

"The only people going to know the details of this are us there. This is a black operation. Not even Gibbs must know. I know you two are close and so some details may have to be passed on. But as soon as this goes full time Lucy James will disappear for a few months. "The SecNav said.

"Look, I want to say thank you. But I don't know if I am good enough."

"Lucy, you are the best undercover agent I have seen since Jenny and Gibbs, even then they were a double act which between you and me is a lot easier than what you do. You are going to do this, and you will do it as well as you do anything else." Said tom.

"Thank you." She said.

We don't always believe in ourselves as much as we should. Sometimes it is not what we see that is who we are but what others see. Now and again, when we don't think we are up to doing something, it is someone who reassures us that is what we need. Life isn't a walk in the park as Lucy so knows. But when she can make a difference to people's lives and has someone there for her when he walls fall down, and someone who believes in her she knows she can move on. That day was the beginning of the undercover operation. Something that would end up saving lives, changing lives and ruining lives. But which one of those three her life become part of all depended on whether she learnt to believe in herself like others did in her.

_That's it for today, I hope you enjoyed and __**please**__**review**__!_

_I'll try update asap, but school is really mad at the moment, and I got away with school on Sunday for four days so between Sunday and Thursday there will be no updates! Sorry xx_

_Please __**review**__ though. xx_


	16. a woman with taste

_Disclaimer – don't own NCIS_

_Authors Note – I am sorry for the delay, this is the beginning of Lucy's life undercover. Hope it is okay. _

_**New York City, December 1**__**st**__** 1999, 15:45 hours**_

She walked through the marble lobby of The London NYC hotel. White marble lined the floors and walls. Green paintings and maps added a splash of colour. Her high heeled black swayed stilettos made that ever so pleasing noise as she walked. Her long blonde hair curled loosely as she spun it over her shoulder. She wore a tight grey business dress that hugged her figure and showed off her cleavage perfectly. A Black blazer on top kept her warm. She'd coated her lips in a gloss. This wasn't Lucy as she walked, it was Amanda Newman, a woman who used her looks to get her what she wanted. As she walked she wore a small smile. Maybe this would be fun.

They'd known that Marcus Cavelier would be arriving to check in at this time and so would she. She'd made sure she was there at the perfect time. She stopped her wheeling suitcase by the side of her and leant against the counter as she checked in. Looking out for her man, and making sure she caught his eye – which she did. Then once she'd been given her room keep she walked away, swaying her hips as she went.

Once she was in the lift she told the man the floor number and sighed a sigh of relief. So far so good. The hallway was c=marble with a carpet down the middle. She walked into her room, closed the door and smiled. For now she was safe. The room was a London Suite according to the booking form. IT was modern, themed in grey and white, and completely not Lucy's style. IT felt cold to her, but she could not deny the view. The bed was comfy as she sat down, the bedside tables looked like metal cardboard boxes stuck on a wall. As she walked into the bathroom she found white tiles lining the walls, with chrome, black and grey accessories. The bath looked luxury, there was a waterfall tap and bubble features. With an excited squeal she began to run a bath and undress.

This op was do deep she had no earwig on, no two phones. Instead there was mark that she was not Amanda Newman. No one would have a clue that she was Lucy James, and NCIS Agent.

She ties up her hair in a bun on the top of her head, and sunk down into the bubbles. With a content sigh she relaxed. She had three hours before she was due in the bar to flirt, so she planned on looking absolutely perfect and completely in character. She closed her eye and let all the stress drain from her body.

_**Washington DC, December 1**__**st**__** 1999, 16:13 hours**_

Stan leant back in his chair. The office was too quiet. Gibbs was in a mardy and Abby was worried about Lucy. Ducky was not even telling any stores. Things were not as they should be. He sighed and threw his pen on his desk. As much as they teased, tormented and annoyed the hell out of each other e was missing her. "If you have not got any work to be doing Burley I can sure as hell find you some." Said Gibbs, as he walked through the bullpen with a Starbucks coffee in hand. Stan smirked; okay maybe some things were the same.

"do you think she's okay?" questioned Stan.

"She's a good agent burley, an even better person. She'll be fine." Said Gibbs in a softer voice than the other agent was sure he'd ever heard. Stan smiled slightly, his boss was right. "You however won't be if you do not get back to work. "

_**New York City, December 1**__**st**__** 1999, 17:55 hours**_

Lucy rubbed heat serum into her hair before grabbing her curlers and softly curling the long blonde locks. She walked over to the television and turned it onto the music channel before sitting down on the bed and slowly yet carefully putting on her fake eyelashes. Over the last few months she had finally figured out how to apply them and now they fit perfectly with her alias. So, once they were on she applied her foundation, put on a layer of mascara and carefully applied a layer of dark grey eye shadow. She applied a coat of bright red lipstick to her lips and smiled. Then she walked over to the wardrobe were she had hung her dress and put it on. It was hugging at the top, low cut, and pinched in at her empire line before lose at the bottom. It fell just below her mid thigh.

Lucy smiled at her reflection, put on a diamond necklace, and large diamond ring before adding small studs and then she put on a pair of red patent leather heels with a four inch heal and a half in platform. Shaking her hair Lucy smiled, sipped her bourbon and sighed.

Quarter to seven rolled around and after eating a few cubes of cheese to stop her getting drunk, and eating a few mints too she stood up, grabbed her bag and slowly made her way downstairs.

As she walked into the bar, she felt self conscious, dressing sexily was not something she had done in a long time and now it was making her nervous, She sat at the bar and ordered herself a glass of Pinot Grichio, fluttering her eyelashes at the barman she did so, getting into character.

Slowly she sipped her wine and tapped away on the phone she was using making it look as though she were busy at work. She placed her phone on the bar and slowly spun around, crossing her legs as she did so. Looking around she eyes for her man. There he was, sat at a table in the corner along with another man she suspected she was doing business with. She smirked and gently looked him over. From his mug shot she had not though he looked like an arms dealer, but now she was strook by his good looks. Under any other circumstances she'd have been more than willing to flirt, now she had to, not out of choice though. She gracefully took a sip of her win and laughed with the bartender, making sure to see that Marcus was looking. When she looked over she saw him making his way over and she took a deep breath before finishing her wine. "Looks like I am just in time, may I get you another?" he questioned. His brown eyes big and bright.

She smirked, yet pouted gently. "Well, I don't usually let strange men buy me drinks." She said as he sat down, she fluttered her eyelashes and made a point of looking him over. "But, of course every now and again one must forget ones rules and let ones hair down much they not?" she asked.

"They mus." He said as he signalled to the bar man. "One scotch and a…"

"Pinot Grichio." She added.

The barman went to work and Marcus smiled. "A woman with taste."

"A man who knows what her likes." She smiled.

"That I do."

2And do you have a name, or shall I just call you a man?"

"Marcus. And you, or just a woman."

"I'm tempted to say just a woman." She replied with an evil smirk.

"Yet I buy you a drink, the least I could get is a name."

"What else were you hoping to get?" she asked. Slowly she leant on the bar and smiled. He mimicked her actions, eyes scanning her.

"Well I can think of a few things."

"I think a name will be all for now. Amanda." She said sitting up. He laughed as did she.

"Well then Amanda, I believe you to be a very strong minded woman."

"Well in my line of work you have to be."

"And what would that be?"

"You first." She said provokingly.

"Let's ignore business for tonight. Pleasure I believe, is much more satisfying."

"I could not agree with you more." Replied Lucy taking a sip of her wine.

_Hope it was okay, _

_Please review_

__fashiongirl97_


	17. Time to be set free

_Disclaimer – I don't own ncis_

_Authors note – I hope this is alright, thanks for all your brilliant reviews once more. I hope this is not too reflective, this is kinda gonna be the pattern now, undercover chapter or two then her checking in. Hope you enjoy! I want to say there will be jibbs in the later chapter, but I have about 5 years of that time to pass first. But, half of that won't be written. Hope this is alright, enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, December 2**__**nd**__** 1999, 17:30 hours**_

Outside the rain hammered down, its sound filling the silent NCIS bullpen as it hit the glass window and skylight. The sun had long since been hidden by the skyline that was DC leaving behind just a greyish glow that filled the sky. Streetlights were not yet on, Christmas lights installed and waiting to be turned on in the coming weeks. Advent had started and Christmas was beginning to creep in. Everywhere was cold, wet and dreary as Lucy walked the deserted winter streets of DC. Sunday was a day she usually spent at home, but after last night she was due a report in. She was still dressed and Amanda, a black pencil skirt that was had a high waist and fell a few inched above her knees. Tucked in was a fuchsia pink blouse with cap sleeves and a rounded collar which dipped lower than she usually wear. She wore a black sort blazer and bright pink stilettos, her hair still curled from the previous night. If truth be known she was freezing and couldn't wait for the black town car that would soon pull up. She'd get in, be driven to NCIS whilst two other identical car shadowed her to a point before being joined by another and leaving. It was all part of her elaborate cover to get her back unnoticed.

She sat in that town car with its blacked out windows and black leather seats and closed her eyes. It was strange to think how her life had all of a sudden taken this turn. There was a time when she had thought that she would be a mother, living a simple live of adoration towards her little girl. Yet then everything had happened, she could have been happily married until the abuse, now though, it seemed like all she had was her job. All she worked for was success, justice and the chance that one day she'd be given a different hand of cards. But for now at least she would make sure that she did what she had well, because it was all she had for now.

"We're here ma'am. We're going to have to drive you through to the garage as per the director's orders." Said the driver.

"Thank you Stanley, don't call me ma'am though, it's Lucy."

"Well then Lucy, we're here." He said turning around and giving him a warm smile. If she hadn't have just been undercover she would have been asking him to go out for a drink. But instead she just smiled and left.

The bullpen was quiet; Jethro was the only one working. The other teams had the day off whilst the MCRT was on call, but after five hours with Stan he'd been about to kill him, so he'd sent him home and stayed knowing that Lucy would come straight to headquarters to be debriefed. It may only have been a night compared to the weeks she had been away in the past. But it was the deepest cover she had ever had. The hardest thing had known that if it all went wrong and she was found out he would never see her again.

Jethro looked out the window, it was getting darker by the minute and every minute the past his heart longed to know she was safe a little bit more. He'd lost Kelly all of those years ago, and now it felt like with Lucy he'd been given a second chance at being a parent. IT may not be through blood, but in his heart he cared for her like a father does his daughter.

She stepped out of the lift dragging her suitcase behind her. Even on carpet her killer heels made their signature noise. She saw him at his desk, sat in a world of his own and she smiled, paused and just watched him. In the last year, but more so since the whole thing with Tom she'd seen him more and more as a father figure. He was always there for her, and she realised he was the one person she could always rely on.

"I guess there is no work to be done if even you can't find any." She said with a smile in a light hearted tone. He turned to look at her.

"And I guess the shop must have run out of fabric if you're not wearing any." He replied with a smirk.

She walked over and Jethro hugged her. He smiled and she relaxed. "I'm safe Jethro, everything has gone to plan."

"I know." He replied as he heard the thick steel doors of MTAC open and their director walk onto the catwalk. Both knew why he was standing there and turned in unison to look up at him.

"It's time." He said to Lucy and she nodded, knowing it was now that would decided whether Amanda Newman was put in a cage or left to fly. She walked up the stairs and met him.

"Well, you have certainly taken on the role." He said with a smile.

"Well, you said no remainder of Lucy to be left. I'd have died my hair but I like being blonde too much." The director just laughed and they both walked into MTAC.

The room was dark and empty, no tech what so ever. On the front row sat the Secretary of the Navy who'd been there earlier to oversee and opp. The room was one of the most fool proof room in the city. So she sat down next to the SecNav. "You made quite an impression."

"I did?"

"Yeah, Intel suggests he nearly fired the man who told him he had to leave your company."

"Wow, well I guess I did a better job than I thought I did."

"What did you talk about?" asked the director.

"Personal only, created a rapport. No business, he asked, I avoided. I played the mysterious yet sexy card. He was putty in my hand. We spoke for three or so hours then one of his men came over, told his business called. He kissed my cheek and told me he hoped we would meet again."

"Yet you stayed over?" questioned the SecNav.

"Sir, one thing I have learnt in the last few months is you stay on linger than you should do. That way suspicion avoids you. Anyway, you'd paid for a beautiful room I wasn't going to waste it." At that they all smiled.

"You think there is a chance you can make this cover work?"

"In all sincerity sir I do, I believe I can. It may take a while but I don't believe we can just bring him down, if played correctly we could bring down the whole ring."

"Well then, it looks like we have just set Amanda Newman free from her cage. I hope you can walk in them heels Lucy, because you've just been given permission to fly."

_Please review,_

__fashiongirl97_


	18. Coffee, paperwork and luxary

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Author's note – I hope that this is alright! :D I'm slightly in love with Covert Affairs at the moment so I am now able to write undercover operations a little better. I hope this is alright, I'm basing it ever so slightly off of Annie and Simon's relationship which I love!_

_Anyhow, please enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, December 14**__**th**__** 1999, 09:30 hours**_

Outside the sky was bright, and from a window inside it looked warm, but the temperature was near freezing. The grass glistened as the sun hit the frost covered blades. Trees stood tale, bear of their coloured leaves. Lucy looked in the mirror and smiled at her reflection. Toda she was once more Amanda Newman, she was the arms dealer and so that was how she must dress. She wore a short black pencil skirt with four buttons at the side. She had a white blouse with a bow front underneath a rose pink blazer which had three quarter length sleeves. Lucy had worn tights this time as it was freezing outside and she'd decided she didn't want to die of hypothermia. On her feet were in patent black leather stilettos with a sling back heel. Her hair was loosely curled; she had a deep pink lipstick on and her fake eyelashes. She looked the part, and with an A4 clutch folder under her arm she was perfect for the roll. Now it was time to head off. She now had a four hour journey to the London NYC hotel. It would be a long day by the looks of it, but if the Intel they had acquired was anything to go by and Marcus was there then it may be a very productive night.

Lucy opened her door, big sunglasses on and stepped into the car as the case was put into the boot. Now it was the start. As they drove out of Washington DC, she smiled gazed out the window and just let her mind wander for the next four hours.

_**New York City, December 14**__**th**__** 1999, 14:00 hours**_

The sky scrapers stood tall, sun shining off of their reflective windows. The streets were full of tourists as the rest of the city worked. Lucy stepped out of the black town car, placed her sunglasses on her nose and smiled. She was now Amanda Newman, and it felt good.

Stanley removed her suitcase from the boot and she nodded in thanks, not liking that she couldn't say thank you. Then, as the car drove away she walked forward pulling the case behind her into the white marble lobby of the hotel. Their Intel was not as specific as it had been last time; all they knew was that she would be there. And so, also would Amanda Newman be.

She walked up to the check in desk and removed the glasses, surveying the lobby. "Good afternoon ma'am, welcome to the London NYC, how may help you today." Questioned a young blonde haired girl, her hair was snatched back and she looked young, as though she did this in the time when she was not at University.

"I have a room booked, Amanda Newman." Said Lucy, sliding the booking papers across the table.

"Thank you ma'am. We have you in one of our sweets tonight. Here is your key, you're room is the London sweet on the 8th floor. There is a name plaque on the door."

"Thank you. Can I have ice water delivered to my room as soon as?"

"Of course ma'am. Would you like all extra's paid by cash or added to the bill?"

"Add them to the bill." Said Lucy, still looking around the room for her man.

"Thank you ma'am. I hope you have a good stay. Press zero on the in room landline to call reception if you need anything." Lucy nodded, holding the key in her hand and walked off.

She took the lift up to the floor and entered the room. It was pretty much the same as it had been last time. Then, out of habit she put down her things and swept the room for bugs, finding nothing she sat down on the bed. She was to go down into the café later, look as though she was working. And so, she would be. Running up contacts that would be on her side. People in the army who had been told by the SecNav to do as the woman told them. So this was the beginning of getting in deep. She was looking for clients, accidently let paper stay on display.

A knock at the door brought her attention and so, once more out of habit, she checked her gun was in her purse (she could get away with carrying a gun due to her being an arms dealer after all). Then she walked over to the door and answered it, a silver cart was rolled in with a jug of ice water and two glasses. "Where would you like me to place this ma'am?" questioned the young man with slicked back brown hair and a lanky figure.

"Put it on the side board." She said walking over to the bed and lounging down. He did as her was told and left without a side, closing the door behind him.

Lucy poured the water, took a sip and then walked over to the window. She wasn't sure how long this op would last, the director thought that it would be six months a year at most, but in her gut she knew it would be longer. Her gut. Something these days she would trust with her life thanks to Jethro. After she'd been told they were to continue with the op on the second she'd gone down to the bull pen. They'd walked out of the navy yard, gone and got coffee, and then walked back to his house. They'd talked about the past. And for the first time he had properly talked about Shannon and Kelly, told her stories of their time, he'd even touched on Jenny. Lucy knew if she ever met the infamous Jenny Shepard she would give her a piece of her mind. She may be a friend of Stan's but she had hurt the one person who cared about her.

Downing the last of the water she grabbed her case and began to unpack. She had a dress for tonight, cloths for tomorrow and an extra dress. This was playing it by ear. So for now she simply went into the bathroom and touched up her make up before making her way downstairs to the lobby.

In the bar she ordered a black coffee and set about her work. IT may all be make believe but it was still hard work, because she was not longer NCIS Agent Lucy James, she was in fact Amanda Newman. The waiter brought over her coffee and she smiled in thanks. As she read though the papers, military files of officers who were her contacts she began to spread the papers across the table. Then she pulled out her iBook laptop and began to open her e-mail account. She had made contact with a few dealers known to them. Lucy had sparked up conversation with the and now was beginning o do business, but actually she was hoping for Marcus to give her a bigger offer.

Two hours passed and she was still working. The waiter came over and she looked up at him waiting to expect a response. He the replaced her empty coffee cup with a new full one. "I didn't order this." She said.

"No, the man over there did." He said, and she cast her glance over to a very familiar dark haired man. She smiled at him and nodded to the waiter to leave it. She then put her head back in the paperwork as she did then maths on a spreadsheet on word. Working out the prices she needed to sell the weapons for to make the deal worthwhile.

"Is it coincidence we here once more?" he asked, his accent tames but oh so European and French.

"I was once told by a very dear friend of mine that there is no such thing as a coincidence."

"Ah, it must be fate then?"

"You surprise me Marcus, you chose fate over chance."

HE smiled. "And yet you have perceptions of me after simply one evening?"

"I am I quick judge of character."

"That you are." HE replied and both of them smiled as he sat down. "You never told me what you did for work."

"And neither did you. Maybe I like to remain mysterious."

"And yet, somehow I believe you don't trust easily and that is the reason why."

"Maybe it is a bit of both." He looked at her and she laughed. "Or maybe I should just admit past experiences die hard."

"And that it seems is something we both have in common."

She smiled and got to work. Looking at the spreadsheet. She then looked over at him and saw his workings out on paper. She smiled, this could be her chance. "I see that we differ in our methods."

"Ah, I hate to admit I have never been able to master the computer."

"Then maybe one day I should teach you."

"Maybe you should. "

Lucy took her chance and scribbled down notes on a piece of paper.

_Semi-Automatic BerrettaM9 - £ 2000 per unit_

_20% profit margin_

_Automatic AW50- £ 14000 per unit _

_25% profit margin_

Lucy then sighed, pushed the paper to one side. She saw out of the corner of her eye as he looked at the paper and the realisation flashed through his eyes. He didn't move though. She sighed, pushed the papers together and sighed. "Right, I think that is me done for today, I'm getting stressed."

"Hmm?" he questioned looking up.

"I'm done."

"Ah, well then. I shall see you around?"

"I certainly hope so." she said walking away and saying her hips.

"Amanda!" he called after her, smirking she turned around.

"I'm busy tonight, but how about we go for a meal tomorrow night. I might just have a proposition for you if all plays out well."

She smiled and walked away. "Meet me in the lobby at eight." She called behind her.

"I'll take that as a yes." He said. Now, he had to get his figures straight, because he might just make the biggest gamble of his life in getting her onboard.

_Please review!_


	19. getting down to business

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Author's note – I hope this is alright, I'm loving this story again thanks god! But I'm going to have to alter my timeline slightly I think as she's getting in too deep too fast. _

_To see lucy's dress follow the link below:_

_ /formal-club-cocktail-dresses-faviana/black-semi-formal-dresses-s7039/_

_enjoy xx_

_**New York City, December 15**__**th**__** 1999, 18:35 hours**_

Hair tied back on the back of her head Lucy sat in front of the mirror in her hotel room and slowly applied her false eyelashes, carefully lining them up so the fitted properly. She hadn't been able to inform the director or even Gibbs about the latest development in the operation. She wanted to but knew the risk was far too big. So instead she was now still in the hotel, she'd had a lie in this morning, relishing in the chance that she barely ever got back when she was in DC. Then she'd gone down to the bar and sat working before returning to her room. She'd not quite known what to do today, she had him right where she wanted him so had spent time deepening her alias. Now though she sat on the side of the bed opposite a mirror doing her makeup. She'd done her eye lashes and was now adding a touch of light layer of foundation, pale grey eye shadow and a neural blush. On her lips she painted a layer of bright red.

Grabbing her straighteners off of the side where they had heated up she slowly straightened her hair. It was long and so it would take time. As she did so she contemplated how she was going to play it tonight. She was not more Lucy but now Amanda. She'd be smug, sexy and confident. This was the first and last shot she would get at making this work, and so she could not mess up.

Half an hour later her hair was dead straight. She then walked over to her wardrobe where her dress was hung up. Taking It off of the hanger she pulled it on. Then stepped into the black heels to match and walked over to the mirror. The dress was black, hugged her figure and hand a neckline just perfect. The sleeves were a thin transparent black three quarter sleeves with gold sequined cuffs. On the back there was a cut out and it fell to mid thigh. The heels were black but the heels had gold sequins on them which rose up the heel like a claw.

As she looked in the mirror Lucy couldn't help but smirk at her reflection. She looked nothing like the girl that she was back in DC. As she stood there now she knew she had changed, but in a way she knew it was about time. Looking at the clock she saw she had ten minutes before she was due to meet Marcus and it was make or break. So she downed the rest of her wine, ate the cheese she brought with her to stop herself getting hammered and touched up her lipstick before she picked up her small black and gold clutch bag, put on her black leather jacket and left the room.

_**Washington DC, December 15**__**th**__** 1999, 20:00**_

Leroy Jethro Gibbs walked into MTAC and was surprised to find it buzzing with activity at such a late hour. He had been out all day on a case which they had just closed only now to find that NCIS was a blaze with activity. Walking through the dark gloom he walked over and sat down near the director who was reading a file which seemed as thick as a novel. "What's going on Sir?" questioned Gibbs.

"It seems Lucy had made quite an impression. It's been like this all day."

"Is she alright?"

"As far as we know yes."

"Then what Tom?" questioned Gibbs getting more and more anxious.

"She met with Marcus last night, and it seems she did something right. He'd been making calls o all of his suppliers today, trying to get prices down and then terminating contracts."

"She's in?"

"Not yet. But we have had our informants ringing in all day telling us there is a new player in the game."

"Lucy."

"It looks like it. He's cancelled his meeting tonight, got all his figures. It looks like soon we will know whether we have a chance of bringing him down at some point."

"What do you mean at some point sir? Surely as soon as we have enough to get a warrant we call her back and arrest the SOB."

"Not quite so simple Jethro. If we play this right we can get not only him but the whole ring."

"And at what expense!" questioned Jethro standing up."

"Lucy knows the plan Jethro. Half of it was her idea."

"Tom what agent truly understands the words 'If it all goes pear shaped we may not be there'!? What agent truly understands they may not come back?"

"Jethro calm down. She's a trained agent. You know that."

"How long?"

"She's not gone for good yet."

"How long until she is Tom?"

"Weeks, months at the most." Gibbs shook his head. "Jethro she will come back."

"She won't be the same when she does." He said walking out. "No one ever is." He mumbled under his breath as he left. Jethro remembered how different both he and Jenny had been by the end of Paris. Young and happy before hand, then so consumed in a world so dark by the end that it broke down their relationship.

_**New York City, December 15**__**th**__** 1999, 20:05 hours**_

Marcus Cavelier sat on one of the sofas in the lobby waiting for his date for the night. HE had checked her out in detail, dug as deep as he could. He'd found nothing to worry him but the fact her life was only sketchy in details, but whilst that may concern some people he was not surprised. His life was sketchy and in their profession and sometimes it was better the less you knew about people. Because that way you didn't trust and get hurt when that trust was broken. He'd always told himself that, but there was something overly intoxicating about Amanda Newman, the gorgeous, sexy powerful woman that could easily wrap him around her little finger. The only problem was that she knew it.

Hearing the clicking on unbelievably high he heels he turned around to see her confidently walking towards him. Hair dead straight and lips sinfully red she was a symbol of power. Now it was down to him, he needed to get her on side.

"I was beginning to believe I had been stood up." He said his accent still here. She smiled and laughed.

"Well, I always believe it best to be fashionably late."

"And I always believe women able to get away with it when they look like you." Lucy just smirked a smirk that she had perfected from Jethro many a time. "Shall we?" he questioned motioning to the door.

"We shall." She said smiling and following him.

They walked onto the mad streets of New York City. The sky was dark the breeze chilled. Taxi's stood poised and waiting whilst locals rushed past and tourist stood to admire. Lucy had always loved this city. It did not matter how many times she came it still felt like the first. It was magical. With its bright lights and timeline of its own it was true that New York City was the city that never slept.

"Do you mind it we walk? The restaurant is only a few minutes away and I don't often get the chance to walk, there is so much danger after all in our line of work, is there not?"

Lucy smirked at him, noticing the trip wire immediately. "I never told you what my line of work was, Marcus."

"Now Amanda, you don't believe I would not look you up do you?"

"Not at all, but if you know so much already about me then is it not unfair I know so little about you?"

"Very well, what is it you want to know." He said.

"What is your line of work?"

"Ah, is it always about work with you?"

"Not always, but I would not be the woman I am if I did not put my work first."

"Well then I think you already know what it is that I do?"

"And what is that?"

Marcus smirked, she was sharp, and to some that may intimidate whilst to him it enticed. Leaning close so his warm breath touched her skin he whispered. "Exactly the same as yours."

Both of them smiled. Marcus lead her to a small back street where there was a small restaurant, he opened the door. "After you Mademoiselle."

"Merci." Replied Lucy flawlessly without a second thought. He followed her inside and then tey were shown to their table. A small booth in the corner for the restaurant. The place had a warm feel to It and was lit only by flickering candle light. Looking at her date for the evening Lucy couldn't help but look at how handsome he was. In that moment Lucy knew this was about to get deeper that she had ever thought.

_**-loyalty-**_

"So Amanda, I have a proposition for you." He said as the waiter took away their empty dinner plates. She waited until the waiter was out of ear shot then shot Marcus a sultry glance.

"Oh, do you now." She replied.

"I'm afraid I talk business ma belle."

"Well, a girl can wonder can she not?"

"She can." He replied before they both laughed. "I believe I saw a paper that you did not mean for me to the other day."

Lucy nodded. "Ah, so this is where all this has come from."

"I'm afraid so."

"So what is this proposition Marcus?"

"I want to go into business, together."

"And yet we have known each other for not even a month?"

"There is a aura of trust around you Amanda."

"Well then where do we start?"

"I want to know prices."

"On?"

"Your best automatic and semi-automatics."

"I can do that. But it takes time, I need to talk to people, get the best price and deal with my finances."

"I'd expect nothing less. Here is my number, call me."

"How about something different? I'm down in Miami next weekend establishing some dealings."

"Dinner on Saturday night?"

"Sounds perfect." She smiled and sipped her wine. His phone vibrated as he got a message. "I'm sorry Ma belle, but work calls."

"No rest for the wicked." She smiled. With that he left, paying the bill as he left. Lucy smiled and sipped her wine, things were about to get interesting.

_Please review!_

_-fashiongirl97_


	20. a look at life

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Author's note – another Chapter! I hope that this is okay, thanks for the review(s) A bit angsty/cute chapter. Enjoy xx_

_**Washington DC, December 16**__**th**__** 1999, 11:34 hours**_

Red and silver tinsel filled the Bullpen. Hanging from the catwalk was not only tinsel but also many baubles. A large Christmas tree stood on the half landing of the stairs. It was covered from head to foot in black and red decorations – obviously chosen by the forensic scientist Abby who had found her way into everyone's hearts. On the windows were silver snowflake stickers, then on the dividers was tinsel and yet more decorations. Mistletoe was spontaneously dotted everywhere making agents watch just exactly where it was that they were standing and with whom exactly they stood with.

It seemed that the bubbly forensic scientist had managed to worm her way into even the Director good books as every other year they'd never been this festive in the bull pen. Now though it was like a winter wonderland and everyone had to smile.

Lucy stepped off of the lift and smiled. The whole place looked amazing and it made Lucy laugh. The blonde walked forward, she'd gotten home and hour ago and gone home and changed. Now she walked forward in a pair of pale wash skinny jeans, a cream blouse with strands of pearls around her neck. She had on a black leather jacket and a pair of mid calf black suede boots. She had her hair shoved up in a messy bun and her makeup lighter than she had it when she was dressed as Amanda.

As Lucy began to walk over to Jethro she was all of a sudden attacked by a blur of black as Abby hugged her. Laughing Lucy hugged her back. When she was finally free Abby smiled. "I'm so glad you are safe I was so worried!"

Laughing Lucy replied: "Abs I was only gone for a few days. Anyway, I need to sort a few things out, I'll come and see you later."

"okay." Said the young Goth before hugging her once more and bouncing off. Lucy smiled and walked over to Stan who hugged her. She smiled at him.

"Gibbs may at least be tolerable now you are back." He whispered in her ear.

"He always is to me, it's just you." She replied. "Now Stan, go get me a cuppa."

"You gonna keep the boss man off me back?"

"don't I always?"

"One cuppa coming up your royal highness." He said mock bowing before walking away.

"You've got him wrapped around your finger." Said Gibbs as he stood up.

"And don't I know it."

"How'd it go?"

Lucy sighed and perched on the edge of the desk opposite Jethro's. "Well, I guess everything is going to fall in place."

"That's good isn't it?"

"Yeah, yeah it's just how the plan goes." She said before walking away up to the director office. Lucy spoke in such a bitter way that it worried Jethro.

The director's outer office was sparse of decorations. There was no assistant so Lucy just walked into the office in a way which would make her boss proud of her. Closing the door quietly she stood there and waited for the director to come off of the phone.

His office had a small tree in the corner, there were a few pictured of him and his wife on the desk but other than that it was impersonal, just as she guessed the offices of many important people were. She smiled as he hung up. "Here she is our little miracle."

"Here I am." She replied not quite on the high she was meant to be.

"So, other than creating a major stir in the arms world, how did it go?"

"It went well." She said before walking over and sitting down. "We had dinner last night and he proposed we work together. I told him I'd meet him this weekend, give him a price list."

"Okay. Well, it seems as though things are going well."

"They are."

"Well then. I spoke to the SecNav earlier and he suggests we take you off of field work, no interrogations."

"With all die respect sir-"

"No arguments Lucy, it's for your own Safety."

"Fine" she said sighing and leaning back. "Anything else?"

"No."

"Well then if I am not on field work you won't mind me taking the rest of the day off will you." She said before leaving the director's office and slamming the door behind her. No one on Team Gibbs saw her, Jethro was getting coffee no doubt and Stan was still making the tea she would never drink.

_**Washington DC, December 16**__**th**__** 1999, 21:42 hours**_

She never went back to NCIS that day. She never went home either. Instead she went to the park and walked around. She went and watched as the children played, she watched as their mothers spoke to one another, their eyes never leaving their children the whole time. She watched the people that she could have been one of with a sad expression. She stayed there for hours, then walked around, past shops and wedding dresses on display. She gazed at them wondering what life may have of been like if things were different. She walked and looked at the families playing, at the couples so in love in the festive season. She walked around and saw the decorations and heard the songs. It was surreal to know that this year she'd be alone for Christmas again. She had so little these days, a family at work which she knew she'd soon lose. As the world moved around her Lucy felt like she stood still.

That night, with her jacket pulled tight around her she walked to Jethro's house. It was in darkness yet she knew where he would be. So she let herself in and walked down the steps halfway. She sat there and watched him work on the near completed boat. A small tear fell down he cheek that he would never see. "Sometimes I wonder what the point is. What I'm doing, what good it will actually do in the end. I seem to spend my whole life trying to make the world a better place for others, what actually do I have for me?"

He walked over and sat on the step below her. "You have me, and Stan and Abby. You even have the director. Moving a piece of hair from her face he smiled. "You have people who care about you Luce. And no matter what happens, when all of this is over you have a home, here with me. Because I'm your family, but you are mine too, you're all I have Lucy. I'm not about to lose you, no matter what."


	21. Miami calling

_Disclaimer – I don't own ncis_

_Authors note – I am so sorry for the delay. I've been doing charity work for a boy who is ill in my year all week and am shattered which is the reason this is a slightly shorter chapter too. _

_Here is the hotel:_

_ luxury-hotels/miami-fl/intercontinental-miami/gallery/11131_1_intercontinentalmiami_

_Here is Lucy's dress, except her dress is more fitted:_

_ . /imgres?imgurl= i01. wsphoto/v0/677863625/2012_Autumn_OL_outfit_elegant_lace_decoration_square_neckline_ponti_cap_sleeve_short_ _ &imgrefurl= store/322569&usg=_-VN64paSsla0qrN-IOp9Elwi1Ys=&h=200&w=200&sz=10&hl=en&start=66&sig2=lSj4Kc0OV_jckxcE6jwQ-w&zoom=1&tbnid=jRMlQS2RLi2q7M:&tbnh=138&tbnw=153&ei=tqjUUJbhMcel0AWm14H4CQ&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=675&vpy=6&dur=1712&hovh=160&hovw=160&tx=100&ty=127&sig=105342787322313972334&page=4&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:78,s:0,i:330_

_Enjoy xx_

_**Miami, December 22**__**nd**__** 1999, 20:44 hours**_

December had fallen on America, and whilst at home it snowed over in DC, back in Miami the sun still shone. Lucy was shattered. Even though she was technically not in the field, Jethro still wanted her to be helping out on the current cases. Meanwhile the director had her researching prices. The weapons needed not only to be cheap enough to get her the deal, but not too cheap so that it would make her look suspicious and as if she was lying about the killer profit she made.

Now she sat in her room at the Inter Continental hotel in Miami. Even compared to the hotel she had been staying in whilst she was in New York, but this was pure luxury. Her room was cream and baby blue in theme. There was a king sized bed with pure white sheets on it, and with a television opposite. At the end of it there was a window that spanned the width of the room and looked out on the incredible view of Miami Beach. Sitting on the sofa with a complementary glass of champagne in her hand Lucy got out her makeup. She'd already gotten eyelash extensions the last week to stop her having to have fake lashes with her at all times. Stan, of course had taken the mick out of her, but one death glare from Gibbs had been the end of it.

Now she steadily applied a layer of dark grey shadow and kohl liner to make her eyes look Smokey. Then Lucy applied a thin layer of blusher and a layer of thick dark pink lipstick. Then she took out the dress from its clear plastic bag and put it on before zipping up the back. It was a deep pink which matched her lipstick. There were cap sleeved and a squared neckline. IT was bodycon in fitting and around her waist was a tick stick of black lace. On her middle finger she placed a thick black quartzite ring and a around her neck was a matching necklace.

Walking over to her curlers she once more curled her hair. Looking in the mirror she smiled, every time amazed by the fact that she looked nothing like she was incredible. Hearing her phone ringing she froze. Moving over all of a sudden she felt a wave of nerves as she saw that he was calling her. Taking a deep breath she answered. "Yeah?" answered, having o stop herself from saying 'James' afterwards.

"Amanda ma belle. Cava?"

"Cava Bien Marcus, et toi? Cava?

"Amanda, tu peux parle français ?! "

"Oui, un peu mais je ne suis pas très bien."

"Ahh, c'est d'accord. I shall speak English for you ma belle. I would like you to meet me in the reception of the Inter Continental hotel in ten minutes. C'est D'accord, oui?"

"Oui Marcas, Je vous verrai plus tard."

"Bien, Au revoir "

Smiling with what felt like relief, Lucy placed a pair of killer pink swayed stilettos onto her stocking clad feet. Draining the last of her drink she grabbed her cropped black blazer and put it on before she spritzed some perfume, grabbed her A4 black clutch which contained her price list and left the room.

As he walked into the reception of the hotel he saw her. She had become something magical in his life, and he smiled. There she was, sat in a white leather tub chair, behind the strands of beads near the front. Walking around, he held out his hand. Amanda took his hand and he kissed it softly. "So, shall we go?"

"Yes we shall. But first, may I ask you why you wanted to bring it earlier?"

"I am afraid ma belle it is as I need to fly over to my home in Paris for Christmas."

"Well then, I cannot disappoint my man." And so the pair left. Walking along the beach to the small restaurant he had booked. They sat eating that night listening to the sea. And once desert was finished and the coffee had arrived she passed him over a sheet of paper.

"Is this a joke?" he questioned with his French accent.

"No, it is certainly not. When it comes to business I don't joke."

"Well, it seems that your prices are unable to be beaten."

"Oh I know." She replied with a smirk. "I do my research."

"It seems you do. Well my dear, I was all prepared to say I will think about it but, I will say yes."

"Well I am pleased."

"I want 100 units of semis and 200 of fully." She grabbed a contract out of her bag and a pen before roughly jotting in the details.

"That's fine. The soonest I can do it is after Christmas. I'll have a contract with you by next week if you give me an address and by the New Year they'll be with you."

He smiled and kissed her cheek before shaking her hands. Once the deal was done he left and Lucy sighed. She was in this for the long run now, and if she was honest, it scared the hell out of her.

_I'm considering jumping forward in time. Should I go to the end of the mission now and begin the jib? Or do you want me to continue with the onset of the mission for a while?_

_Please let me know and review xx_


	22. unstoppable

_Disclaimer- I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I hope you all enjoy this. I have decided to do just one or two more chapters of her being undercover before I begin with the next leg of the story! Massive thanks for sticking with me – it's not been great I know so thanks and enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, Sunday 17**__**th**__** March 2000, 13:17 hours**_

Sometimes our life can pass by us as if it's on fast forward. We can be young, ambitious and have the world at our fingertips one moment. Then the next we're working so hard we're being surrounded by the impressions of others: trying to be something we're not and before we know it we've been swallowed up into a world we never wanted and no one is quite sure how it happened or where time went. Everyone faces challenges in their lives, but it's not what we're faced with but how we face them. Well, at least that is what they say. Sometimes it seems so true; in that moment after you've beaten something it does anyway. But when all that you face is challenge after challenge, hurdle after hurdle and at the end all you get is a nod of the head – then does it feel worth it? Does it feel worth all of the hours out in, all the work done, those days when all you want to do is curl up in bed but in reality you have to once more put up a façade and continue a life of pretence?

Christmas 1999 had come and gone for Lucy James. After returning from Miami, drained of any will to do anything much she'd spent her Christmas day in bed asleep - having a pot noodle for her dinner. It wasn't that she hadn't had any place to go, after all her yearly invite to Ducky's along with the rest of the team was open. However for some reason that had not happened. New Year's Eve had brought Stan dragging her out of the house to a firework show. But even that had failed to make her smile. Cases had come and gone, but with each passing day she was dragged deeper and deeper into the world of illegal arms dealing.

February had brought snow, and now as March was upon them the snow had finally thawed, but the icey air was still with them. Lucy sat in the park that had thrived with life and families when the ground was covered in snow. Now though, as Sunday drew on and the skies grew darker with nearing clouds, the park lay dormant. All except one bench near the river bank, on which sat a woman. Wrapped in a purple woollen coat with a green scarf around her neck she sat there. On leg rested over the other and her tight clad legs in thigh high black high heeled suede boots. From a distance she looked sophisticated with her hair tied up in a corn weave, lips covered in bright pink stain and her posture perfect. But inside she felt miles away from being sophisticated. Tears built up behind her eyes, and her leather gloved hands shook.

Today had been the day she'd been dreading. A phone call from Marcus and the mission went full time.

_She sighed; somehow she'd begun dressing more like Amanda these days. Part of her had changed as she realised the more of his friends she met the closer she was to being coaught out. SO the clothes had changed. Her second phone rung, knowing Marcus was the only one who had her humber she answered it. "Yeah?"_

"_Amanda, always the same greeting my dear." Said his accented French voice._

"_Let's just class it as old habits dying hard shall we?"_

"_You and I both. I delivered the third load of weapons today. And instant hit. It seems that you are incredible in our world."_

"_Don't flatter me Marcus, it will get you everywhere. So, what did you ring for?"_

"_Ma belle, I think that we should arrange a more permanent arrangement."_

"_And what would that be?"_

"_You and me, business together. We base together, work together. I believe it to be a perfect idea."_

"_And what would I get out of it."_

"_My dear, two minds is twice the profit, a 50/50 split, we work together."_

"_That is an offer I cannot resist."_

All it had taken was a text to Marrow and she was packing. Now her cases of clothes not even her own sat by her door. Tomorrow she moved. Tomorrow Lucy James disappeared of off the earth and no one knew when and if she would return.

A small tear rolled down her cheek as a silver haired man sat down beside her. Neither looked at one another and neither would ever again for years to come. "When?" he questioned, his gruff voice almost making her calm down.

"Tomorrow." She said removing the trace of the tear from her cheek.

"Marrow knows?"

"Yeah, he's probably planning on how to spend his bonus as we speak."

"You don't have to-"

"I do Jethro we both know that. I signed up for it, it's time to deal with the consequence."

"I can call it off."

"No Jethro, for once you can't stop this."

He reached over and squeezed her hand. In recent months the few times she'd been at headquarters none of them had worked. Even when the FBI and Tobias had been there.

"We'll get through it."

"I know." It was as if these small sentences would make her feel better.

"Luce I-"

"Jethro I chose this, whether I like it or not any more I chose it. And now, now I will deal with it." She stood up and walked away. Stopping after a few moments but never turning around. "You're all the family I have Jethro, you and the team. Stan's been offered a new job, he won't take it though, he'll stay for you. But soon, Stan and Deck will go Gibbs. So look after Abby, she needs someone to hug."

"I will."

"I know."

No one saw the exchange, not a living person. And as Lucy walked away towards a different life, no one saw the lone tear rolling down her cheek. Not even Gibbs. As he watched her leave, the closest thing he'd had to a daughter since Kelly, none saw the tears that threatened to fall from him either. Because even if you don't want to, sometimes all humans can do to deal with their emotions is put up barriers to prevent others from seeing them.


	23. a marines promise

_Disclaimer – don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I am sorry about the length, but I kind of liked the way that this one ended. Enjoy xx_

_**Washington DC, September 18**__**th**__** 2001, 22:03 hours**_

Life had changed since Lucy had gone. Somehow Gibbs just didn't feel quite the same. Smacking Burly on the back of the head no longer had any pleasure in it. His coffee never seemed to be quite so strong and even his boat was not as therapeutic. IT seemed there was always part of him worrying; where was she? How was she? Sometimes he simply wanted to walk up to Marrows office, find out where she was and go and get her. But he knew he couldn't. It would be too dangerous for him, for her, and she'd most likely slap him. So here he was. A week after the planes had crashed and the whole of the USA was still struggling to stand up for the shortest of moments. But NCIS had been pushed back into a normal routine. The CIA, Homeland Security and the Secret Service were dealing with the terrorist attack whilst NCIS and the FBI for once were on the same rank as they dealt with the rest of the trouble. So why was it then, on a cold and dreary September night when there were lives in turmoil and distress that Leroy Jethro Gibbs was sat at his desk staring into space?

The answer was of course the same answer it always was when he was not quite on the same planet as them al: NCIS Special Agent Lucy James. He was beating himself up, internally at least unless a dozen head slaps counted. HE didn't know if she was safe, where she had been. He didn't know anything about what she was doing and it scared the hell out of him. All he wanted to do was spend the night in his basement, Lucy watching his every movement and picking out mistakes.

He looked at her desk, empty, dark and yet exactly as she'd left it. They'd had a few cases since she'd left which had involved joint investigations. And every time one agent at least had tried to sit there. And each time both he and burly had told them to move.

Then he looked at Stan's desk. He smirked at the light left on and the clutter all over it. He got up and walked over. Removing the empty packets and half eaten food and putting them into the mettle bin. After trying and failing to turn off the computer he simply unplugged it then turned off the light. It was strange that within a month of Lucy leaving he'd all of a sudden matured. Maybe not with women but as Gibbs had seen him of later everything was different, Stan had grown up.

Now Jethro looked up to the director office and saw a slight glow of light. Making his way up the stairs he decided to confront the demon that had been haunting him for the last week. As he approached the empty secretary's desk he walked straight into the main office. Tom looked up from his file and sipped his scotch. "She alright?" he questioned.

"Jethro as much as I understand the way you think after however many years, I am not psychic."

"Lucy, is she alright?"

"Why wouldn't she be?"

"Well Tom, unless you haven't noticed there have just been thousands of people dying!"

"Yet she had no reason to be at any of the locations Jethro!"

"Tom, you know just as well as I do that when you are undercover you don't know where you will end up!"

"You're worried."

"YES I'M WORRIED!" shouted Gibbs. "Lucy is one of my best agents, and like a daughter to me Tom. I can't lose another daughter."

"Last thing I heard she was fine."

"When was that?"

"Two months ago."

"For god's sakes!" said Gibbs running a hand though his hair in stress and annoyance.

"Jethro, Lucy's op means I can't talk to her, she can only initiate contact with me, it's not two ways." Looking tom saw the pain in Jethro's eyes. "I will tell you when I next hear from her Jethro, and that is a promise."

Gibbs just nodded and left. Marines never break their promises, and if something happened to Lucy then he would kill whoever was responsible – and that was a promise.


	24. moving on

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I know I could just do one whole massive chapter about what happens whilst lucy is undercover but I think this way it is easier to keep up with the time plan. There will be more proper story in a few chapters time but I want to show you the main parts of how things change whilst she is not there so that when she comes out you all understand more. This is around I ¾ years after she went._

_Thanks for the reviews and enjoy!_

_**Washington DC, December 12**__**th**__** 2001, 19:44 hours**_

They were gathered in the bar at the edge of the navy yard. It was warm and dark, but cosy and comforting at the same times. Life had spun around again, and now as Christmas approached and the cheesy 80's songs played in every single shop, bar and club. But as they sat there drinking tin the bar: Gibbs, Stan, Ducky, Abby and Paula Cassidy who had been helping out on a recent case, they all drank to something other than Christmas.

That day in the park Abby had been right, Decker who had at the time just come back to DC had once more been shipped off again. Stan however had just been offered his own team, he'd turned it down though, knowing that Gibbs would be insufferable for the next year at least – which he had been – but at least as they had history he'd been able to deal with the silver haired ex-marine. But now it had come, the final day on Gibbs team. He'd been made agent afloat, and it would be a lie to say Gibbs was not proud of the younger man. Life had not been easy on any of them, but at least he supposed Stan had been able to grow as an agent. And in truth, he would be a better leader now than he would have been a year and a half ago.

So as they all sat in the bar Gibbs held up his tumbler of bourbon. "To Stan, because I never thought I'd actually get shot of him." They all laughed, slightly tipsy since the last hour of drinks. They'd all given him a slap on the back and bought him a drink. Abby had even given him a black teddy with an eye patch and pirates hat on to take away with him. But Gibbs suddenly remembered something he had found on his doormat when he had returned home to change a few hours before.

There had been a printed envelope with the words _please give this to Stan Burly _printed on the front. So Gibbs pulled out the A5 card from his inside pocket and handed it to the younger man. "Meant to give you this, it was on my doorstep." So he opened the envelope to see a card. The words good luck written inside green bubbles.

He opened it up and read the message:

_Stan,_

_Good Luck as Agent afloat and well done for surviving Gibbs wrath!_

_My congratulations, and buy a drink on me._

_Love _

_L xx_

They all read the card as it got passed around. And everyone smiled. "I thought-"began Abby.

"She can't." finished Gibbs knowing she was about to ask whether Lucy was allowed contact.

"Then how-"

"Because she learnt from the best rule breaker my dear." Added Ducky.

Stan picked up the ten dollar bill that had fallen out of the card and smiled. "She always has been like my little sister."

"I thought you fancied her?" questioned Paula.

"Well, with the exception of that part anyway."

Everyone laughed, and they bought in a round of bourbon to signify Lucy. Even if half of them couldn't stand the stuff it was their way of acknowledging her. She had managed to send a message when she hadn't even been able to check in with the director for two months. No one knew quite how she had found out that Stan was leaving, or that he was becoming agent afloat, but they knew she would have her ways. No one knew either how she had managed to get the letter to Gibbs' house or write the card, but then again she always had been a damn good agent.

And as they all excited tales of their fellow blonde agent, there was only one answer for how she had managed to get the letter there. That answer was of course, that she was trained by the best, and had become the best of the best.

And as the night drew on they all raised their glasses once more: "To Lucy" said Stan.

Then they all echoed him. "To Lucy."


	25. a new probie on the block

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – Wow! Two updates in one day. This would have been up about half an hour ago but then I decided to arrange to go to the cinema with my friend so I got delayed finding out the busses and what not ._

_So here it is, I've shown a lighter side to Gibbs, I've also made Chris Pacci's character up myself as I am not sure what he was like in the show. The timeline may be out slightly but I hope it's alright. Thanks to left my heart in Paris who has already reviewed and always does so this one goes out to you!_

_Enjoy xx_

_**Washington DC, February 2**__**nd**__** 2002, 07:11 hours**_

Former Baltimore PD detective Anthony DiNozzo Jr. rushed into the NCIS bullpen. He'd been on a case with Gibbs back in January and hand ended up finding out his partner wasn't as clean as he'd been led to believe and an NCIS application form in hand. Today was his first day. Gibbs had told him to be there at 0700 hours, but there had been a cute perfect 10 brunette in the coffee shop that had caught his eye. So now he ran in, ten minutes late. But he didn't bother to worry because who would actually be in at 0700?

He squeezed in behind the desk on his left hand side, attempting to open the draws which were locked. He then looked at what was on top of the desk, and behind him, a series of photos and a calendar from 2000. Confused Tony turned to face the front only to see Gibbs. "You're late." He growled.

"how-"

"Went for coffee, you weren't here." HE replied before noticing the younger man was at Lucy's desk. "Move."

"What?"

"That desk." He said pointing to the one diagonally opposite his own."

"What's the difference Gibbs?" questioned Tony laughing.

"That one is taken." Gibbs said, his patience already running thin.

"By who-" He was cut off by the infamous Gibbs glare. "Moving boss." He said grabbing his bag.

"And sort out your hair! Looks like you just woke up."

"Probably because I just did." Mumbled tony as he pulled out some gel and began to style his hair.

He watched as Gibbs moved over to the only desk which looked inhabited. He then saw another man walk in. "Morning Gibbs."

"Morning Chris." Replied Gibbs.

"Getting my own team back tomorrow Jethro! After an eternity back with you!"

"You mean you're leaving me on my own!" joked Gibbs.

"You got him."

"That supposed to make me feel better Chris?"

"Come on Gibbs, we've had how many probies over the last month? Would've thought that you'd have learnt how not to make 'em run off in tears by now."

"Wouldn't bet on it." Replied Gibbs sitting down at his desk and checking his e-mails like Abby had taught him. Every morning he checked them in the hope Lucy had sent something that would mean she was safe. Yet every morning he got nothing.

"Gonna be up in MTAC Gibbs, give us a shout if we get anything."

2will do." Gibbs replied before the other agent went. Chris had been on Mike's team with Jethro just before Mike 'retired'. He was a good agent and one for the few that Gibbs trusted. Now as he watched him go off Jethro realised just how few of an amount of people he actually had trusted in the recent years. He hadn't had a relationship since Stephanie, he wondered if he should but then he came back to the same conclusion. Every woman he loved he lost so why should he try.

He looked over and Tony who was doing something on his computer that was nothing to do with work. Tony may be a playboy and mentally have the age of a two year old, but there was potential. And maybe, it was a challenge that he could take on in order to forget the rest of his life. Maybe it would be something to keep his sane? Then again maybe it would bring on insanity.

Standing up he walked past the younger man's desk. "Come on."

Tony jumped up like a loyal dog, running after his boss. "Where we off?"

"Autopsy."

"Thought we didn't have a case."

"We don't, you're gonna observe an autopsy."

"I'm not a clueless graduate Gibbs."

"You're still a probie." Said Gibbs with a smirk as he pressed the button for autopsy. Maybe this would be a laugh after all. Having said that he would have to teach the younger man how much aftershave to wear considering he was near enough choking on the smell as it overtook the amount of air in the lift!


	26. replacement? Not likely!

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Author's note – I know! Another tiny chapter, but I kinda like these snapshot ones. Just showing how Gibbs feels. But hey ho! There is Jenny in this! Finally, this tells me, in my own little mind that we are on the home straight!_

_Anyways, enjoy xx_

_**Washington DC, November 16**__**th**__** 2005, 13:24 hours**_

Jenny Shepard had been director two weeks, and already Jethro had realised that all of those feelings he thought he had got over he actually hadn't. She'd left him, and yet still he was in love wit her. Sure he was meant to hate her, wish someone would do that to her. But he didn't, he hoped no one ever hurt her and as much as he hated what it was that she had done. He didn't hate her, he loved her.

However . . . he did not love Madame Director. She was no longer Agent Shepard; she was 'Director Shepard or ma'am'. She'd been director two weeks now and already he had some new probie stood in front of his desk claiming that he was now of Gibbs team. Glaring the silver haired fox looked at probationary agent McGee. "You're what?" he demanded standing up.

"I…I…I'm your new probie sir."

"Says who?"

"D…Director Shepard sir."

"Stay there." He demanded before walking away and sprinting up the stairs. Once more he ignored Cynthia, her new assistant who always tried to prevent him from getting into the director's office – and failed. Walking in he saw her sat there. Long hair pushed back behind her ears, glasses perched on the end of her nose reading a case file.

"Agent Gibbs, what can I do for you?" she questioned, not looking up as she signed the file.

"I have a little . . . personnel issue I want some help with."

"Ah. I'm going to need coffee before I deal with this." She said standing up, only to have his thrown back in her hand. "Not exactly sanitary but thank you." She said. Drinking his coffee reminded her of the old days, it reminded him of the old days. The time when she'd stand there discussing a case and drink his coffee whilst Stan looked back at her wondering how she got away with it.

"So, why have I got a stammering probie downstairs Jen."

She glared at him for the use of her nickname. "You're team is too small Agent Gibbs."

"Nope, not really Madame Director, me and Stan coped."

"Agent Burly and Agent DiNozzo are two different people Agent Gibbs! I understand you are both grieving the death of Agent Todd-"

"Kate is none of your business Jen!"

"Agent Gibbs!"

"My team is not too small Director. When Lucy comes back we will be fine! And until then we will cope."

"Agent Gibbs-"

"No Jen, screw all the political rubbish act-"

"It's not an act Jethro! It's my job."

"She's been gone over five years Jenny, it's not like she will be gone for too much longer is it!"

"Jethro, I know that she's been gone five years but I also know as much as you know that when you're undercover you don't know when it will end."

"Jesus Jen! Who made you the expert?"

"Agent McGee stays on your team Agent Gibbs and if I find out you have not been training as I damn well know that you can I will not hesitate to find the most irritating young agent and replace agent James with them."

"When Lucy comes back she is on MY team director. Unlike you she has other things on her mind that working up the hill!" he shouted before leaving her office and slamming the door. Inside, Jenny leant back and sighed. Sometimes she wanted to hit him and sometimes she wanted to kiss him. And at the moment, now she wanted to do both, but she also wanted to find out just how long it would be until Special Agent Lucy James would be back.


	27. Lucy or Amanda

_Disclaimer – o don't own NCIS_

_Authors note hope this makes up in length for the last few!_

_**Washington DC, December 2**__**nd**__** 2005, 15:20 hours**_

Tony DiNozzo wore a smug smirk as he knocked on the door of their biggest lead. Gibbs had sent him and McGee in one car whilst two of Fornell's little lapdogs followed in the other. So, Tony felt proud, after all how many people did Gibbs send to pick up lead suspects, well maybe he had let Kate do it a few times, and when they'd met Stan Burly maybe he had been allowed too, but anyway it was the first time that he'd been allowed – so Tony was happy.

He necked on the door, McGee at one side, the FBI behind them. As he stood there waiting he cockily went on talking about how he was an expert at reading people.

"Yes?" questioned a young Hispanic woman who had a strong accent.

"Hola! I need to speak to a Marcus Cavelier."

"Si Sinor, one moment please."

The next thing Tony knew there was a tall dark and handsome man stood at the door. He wore a pair of black suit trousers and an open neck pink shirt. Looking on the four men he began to spoke."Yes?"

"NCIS and FBI, we need to ask you some questions over at the Navy Yard."

"And what can I do for the federal agents on this fine day?"

"Mark, who is?" she shouted though the hall as she walked over. Tony saw her in the background and looked admiringly. Five years and now it felt natural, so natural is scared her. The stilettos no longer hurt her feet, the eyelash extensions were part of her now. IT was weird. Her green swayed heals tapped away on the wooden floor. They matched the green dress with its cap sleeves, square neckline lower than she used to wear and shorted than she used to wear too. It hugged her figure and she wore opaque black tights due it being winter. Her hair was straightened and all tied back in a long, high ponytail. Her eye make up with dark lashed and light shadow, festive red lip stick and a natural blush that emphasised her cheek bones. She placed her hands on his shoulder so she was sideways to the agents. She knew they were feds, and she also knew she needed to be careful.

"what _can_ we do for you today gentlemen?" she questioned smirking.

"We need to take Mr. Cavelier down to the naval yard. Who might you be?" questioned Tony shamelessly flirting.

"His business partner Agent…"

"DINozzo, but you can call me Tony."

"Well Agent DiNozzo, does this talk you are wanting to have concern business or pleasure?"

"Business ma'am." Stated McGee. She smiled.

"Well then agents, I think you will find I shall be coming too, that is if it's business and I'm his partner that should be right, shouldn't it?"

"Yes ma'am." Stated one of the FBI boys.

"Well then, if you give us a moment to get our jackets, we don't want to get a cold now do w?. Be right back." She stated walking away swaying her hips as she dragged Marcus too into the back room where the coats were.

He glared at her, one that had nothing on Gibbs'."Amanda!" he stated.

"Yes?"

"You are not going down."

"Oh, believe me. I leave most things to you do I not?"

"Oui ma belle, mais-"

"No, I leave those to you, now you leave this to me, cops is where I come into my element, okay?"

"Fine." He said albeit reluctantly.

"Now, they'll put us in separate cars, don't say anything til you are in an interrogation room, answer their questions honestly, jut don't incriminate yourself."

"You are one smart girl Amanda."

"I know!" she replied as she walked, pulling her blazer jacket on and grabbing her bag. She walked to the door and sighed, here goes nothing she thought to herself. "So agents, shall we go?"

"You come with me, you're partner will go with Agent McGee." Said tony, they split up to make sure the fbi didn't take their suspect as they had done many a time before leading to them now taking precautions. "I forgot, what is your name miss?"

"Amanda, Amanda Newman."

**-Loyalty-**

She sat in the interrogation room, facing away from the mirror, filing her nails. This would be awkward and she just hoped it would be Jethro interrogating her not the 'DiNozzo, you can call me tony' cheesy chat up lines agent she'd had to deal with in the car. Rolling her neck she smirked at the nails and pulled out a nail buffer. If they were going to make her wait she'd at least make us of her time!

**-Loyalty-**

Tony Stood outside of interrogation 1 when Gibbs came out. "He give you anything boss?"

"Yeah, whilst covering his ass though!" running a hand through his hair he sighed. "We got anything to hold him on?"

"No."

"You look like something is bothering you Jethro." Said Tobias from beside him.

"I recognise him, just don't know where from."

"You serve with him."

"Nah."

"Arrested him?"

"I don't know Tobias!"

"Hey boss, look the blond in 2. I was thinking that considering we hit it off so well in the car maybe she would open up to me more that someone she doesn't know."

"With me…" he said walking into interrogation 2.

**-Loyalty-**

She still sat there smirking, soundproofing interrogation rooms hadn't worked and she knew Gibbs was about to walk in. So when she heard the door open she let them both walk in but not close the door. "Turn off the recording equipment, make the mirror two way and clear interrogation." She said, not giving them a time to speak. Then blowing the filing off of her finger she turned around to two stunned agents. "Oh ad Jethro, loose the monkey, it's not flattering." She added referring to Tony.

**-Loyalty-**

He walked out of interrogation 2 without needing to be told by Gibbs. There was a look on his bosses face as he stared at the blonde that made him know that he needed to go. Something wasn't right, but he did as the blonde had asked before exiting.

"Who rattled your cage Agent DiNotzo?" questioned Tony.

"The blonde we brought in, she knows Gibbs."

"You sure?"

"She called him Jethro."

At the same moment as Jethro did in the other room, Tobias clicked on to who it was.

**-Loyalty-**

"Lucy?"

"Hello Jethro." Said with a smirk. And with that she stood up as he walked over and hugged her. A gesture so out of character for the hard as nails ex-marine but one that his firmer probie had needed for the last five years.

"God I was so worried!"

"I'm fine." She reassured, but there was something in her voice. Two words that were meant to reassure him didn't, instead they seemed hollow, like a part of her had been stripped away. He pulled away to look at her, she'd lost weight – too much in his eyes. She wore more makeup, and her hair had grown. Her heels competed in height with the ones that Jenny wore. "So, what's changed Gibbs?"

He smiled, she was wanting gossip – typical woman he thought. He watched as she moved to sit opposite the mirror so she could see though at all times. She was scared, he could see it in her eyes. She didn't want to be two room s away from the man she was undercover with being her real self. "Got three new agents, lost one."

"I'm sorry." She said looking up at him as he sat next to her. "Abby?"

"Managed to talk the director out of getting her an assistant."

"Abby working with someone!? Did marrow not think?"

"You don't know?"

"Know what?" she asked looking up.

"Marrow works for homeland security. There's a new director. He stil running-"

"Yeah. Who is it?"

"Luce-"

"Jethro-" she mimicked.

"Don't kill her."

"her?"

"Director Jenny Shepard."

"Jenny Shepard, the Jenny shepard."

"Yeah, the Jenny Shepard."

"I want to speak to her."

"Later." He said resulting in a glare. "I promise."

"Okay."

"How are you Lucy?"

"I. . . I don't know Jethro. How is Lucy or how is Amanda. Because Amanda is the person who has managed to infiltrate the biggest arms ring in the world. Who is overtaking Lucy in my mind. Meanwhile, Lucy, she is currently wanting to run away, cry and is falling deeper into the blackness."

"Let me get you out."

"No."

"Lucy please."

"I haven't been called that in five years Jethro." She looked down. "Five years work is too much to ruin just because I want to go home."

"You are more important."

"Yeah? Not many people would agree Jethro." He pulled her into his side knowing too well he was right. And when he looked he saw a small tear rolling down her flawless cheek and wiped it away. He eyes were sparking with unshed tears just as his were full of concern.

"You're more important to me you know? I gave burley the card you wrote back then, we had a round of bourbon on you. It meant a lot to him you know. HE rings every few months, asks if there is any news on you."

"He always was like my brother. I miss you all you know. Even you my morbid, pain in the ass, reckless father. How is Ducky?" she asked out of the blue.

"Still reciting tales."

"Ever of me?"

"No." he answered regrettably. "No, I think he is too worried."

"I get it." She said leaning into his chest. "God! Look at me! I come in here to be interrogated and end up sat on the floor hugging you and crying!"

Gibbs laughed. "It's what I'm here for."

"no, no more." She said standing up, grabbing her makeup bag from her handbag and slowly touching up her make up."Right Gibbs, time is here, ring her. I want you not listening though. Get her down here."

"Lucy you don't-"

"No arguments."

"Don't kill her though."

"I won't." she replied.

Pulling out his phone he pressed speed dial one. "Hey Jen, It's me. Need ya to come down to 2. Got someone who wants to meat you. . . No it's not a suspect . . . Just come down will ya? . . . alright, thanks." He said. "Happy?" he replied turning to the smug looking blonde.

"I will be. . . when she arrives and you give us privacy."

Just then a woman walked through the door. Her long red hair was loose around her back and she wore a a-line black skirt with a white blouse and black waistcoat. "If this is some crazy was of getting me to sleep with you then think again because it is not going to work Jethro."

Lucy stood there smirking. "Jen, I want you to meet Lucy James. Luce this is Jen."

Lookin embarrassed the red head turned to the blonde. "I . . .I-"

"Don't worry, I get it! UST in the workplace can get very awkward at times." Both Jenny and Gibbs looked between each other. "Bye bye Jethro, I won't muck up the carpets, don't you worry." With that he left and they two looked at each other.

"I'm slightly confused."

"I wanted to speak to you."

"Okay," Jenny answered warily as Lucy perched on the edge of the desk.

"So, you are her. The Jenny Shepard."

"Am I missing something?"

"I know, I know you left him, I know you were lovers-"

"Me and Jethro-"

"Don't try kid a kidder. No I don't know when I will see Gibb s again. I don't know if after today I ever will. You and I both kow that in what I am doing there is not point trying to deny it. I could dye tomorrow. "

2So you wanted to talk to me . . . for insurance."

"If you want to think of it that way then fine. But I want it whether I die or not. You and Gibbs obviously are still madly in love with one another. And don't speak! I'm not blind. You and he have history, that I know. Whatever you have said that is making him back away then take it back. Send the consequences to hell. After all, I could either have said this or done what I wanted to do."

"And what was that."

"Kill you, for hurting the man who is like a father to me."

"You and he-"

"What,. You thought we were romantic? Eww, he's like my dad!"

Jenny looked embarrassed. "Don't worry 'bout it. Probably won't see you again anyway. But it want you to know, if he forgives you then I will too. I'm not complete ice."

Jenny didn't know what to say. "Now I think it is time Marcus Cavelier and Amanda Newman were released without charge, don't you?"

**-Loyalty-**

Tobias knew, Jethro knew, and Jenny knew, and as they watched her leave one the arm of Marcus each one of them was too well aware that they might not see her again. And so, they each silently prayed. As the day got back to normal Gibbs didn't. HE sat at his desk after they had closed the case and sent Tony and McGee home early. Seeing her had made him realise just how much he wished that she could come back to his team. He missed her input, the way she thought, but most of all he missed her annoying comments, sitting in his basement as they both drowned their sorrows.

The bullpen was dark as Abby and Ducky walked up. HE knew that they had found out. "Jethro my boy, is it true?" questioned Ducky.

"Gibbs, was she here?"

"Yeah, yeah she was."

"Why didn't you let me see her?" questioned Abby who was close to tears. He just hugged her, her eyes red from crying.

"Couldn't Abs. too dangerous."

"how was she Jethro?" questioned Ducky.

"Honestly Gibbs, no sugar coating." Added Abby.

"Yu remember how she was after she shot Tom." Both just nodded. "She was like that. She'll come back live Abs, I know she will. But…" he couldn't finish the sentence.

"I'm afraid what Jethro cannot say Abigail is that she will never be the person who left us five years ago again."

Abby cried, Ducky sat there and Gibbs hugged her. Something's, something's they could never believe would be reality. And this, this was one they didn't want to believe would be reality. Because the look in her eyes that he had seen when they walked out of interrogation room two, that look scared the hell out of him.


	28. It's over, I'm done

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_**Washington DC, Marc h 5**__**th**__** 2007, 20:24 hours**_

Is it right to start to care for the people you've been trying to bring down? Is it right that is some twisted part of your brain you start to wonder whether you should be joining them in prison? After all when you've been with them for seven years aren't you as bad as them? Lucy sighed as she sat in the back of the town car driving to the storehouse. She knew what had happened, no one had told, how they'd planned it she'd never know. For the last week she'd been in England running up leads, then in Europe as she flew around the world she'd called Marcus every night. And at some point she had found that his voice calmed her down. That maybe she'd started caring for him, after all he'd been there for her for the last seven years after all. Last night he hadn't picked up, none of them had, only Paul: young man in his early twenties who had rung her last night not knowing what to do. The next thing she remembered was landing in DC.

She watched as she drove down the docklands watching as they passed empty warehouses. Each one looking old and tarnished. Somehow this was a place she'd become so familiar with. Although she'd been a boss she'd always had her nose in with the workers, making sure everything went smoothly and getting the Intel that Marrow needed. Now it was all over, she didn't need telling.

The car pulled to a stop and she got out. Walking down the docklands her bright red patent heels clicked away. The black pencil skirt a little too short with a split not high enough. It was waist height and she wore a crisp white blouse with one too many buttons undone and tucked in. Her legs clack in stockings, hair perfectly curled and lips glossed red, eyes dark. As she walked the black woollen coat billowed out behind her. She knew this might be the last time she'd walk somewhere dressed like this, and she sighed. It had been fun. But whilst she knew he could be telling her they'd all be arrested he could also be about to blow her cover and shoot her dead. So before she walked she turned and admired the city from afar. People living lives so oblivious to the world around them. Then there was her, cut off from a world she now felt she didn't know.

The old wooden doors opened easily, a decoy, because inside were heavy metal doors. And once inside she was overwhelmed with the scent of gun residue, the air was dark and dingy, and light shone though patches in the walls and roof. She was shocked. This was never meant to go down like this. Walking around she saw dark patched on the floor, she didn't need a forensics team to tell her it was blood, which she knew all too well.

"What the hell happened?" she questioned hearing Paul walking in.

"The feds happened. Turns out they'd been watching us for years."

"We had a leak?"

"No, don't think so, phone taps, stuff like that." Amanda turned around.

"How many?"

"2 of ours dead, 13 injured, the rest arrested."

"Who?"

"Factory workers, Marcus was arrested, turns out they have enough to send him down. He won't be a free man ever again."

"For God's sake!" she cursed walking out of the door to the back. She walked over and stood by the wall.

"You alright Mandy?"

"I should have been here!"

"No-"

"They were my people!" she knew she was doing it right, was it good that she could act this well? Maybe she wasn't acting any more, she honestly didn't not know.

"You protected them, kept them from going down."

"Where were you?" She asked turning around.

"Home, the kid was sick. They have nothing n me anyway, I know my rights."

"Good." Running a hand though her hair she did what she knew was right, he was a father after all. "Right, you do as I say okay?"

"Yeah."

"You pack your bags; grab your wife and son. Book a flight and go abroad, anywhere. You keep them safe. Settle down, buy a house, and get a job. You stay above the law at all times, no matter what you keep clean. You work your ass off and you retire. You never talk about this, what we did. And never contact any of us."

"Okay. Thanks, you know we all respected you."

"I know. There's a car on the other side of the warehouse. Take it, get him to drive you home and start a new life."

"What about you?"

"Me? I'll cope. I managed before you didn't i?"

"Suppose you did." He turned and walked away. "If you ever need anything, just call. Above or below the law."

"I know, thank you." And with that he left. And she stayed. She looked over at the city for hours; caught up in a world she knew she would never be part of for a long time, at least not in reality.

Picking up her burn phone she dialled the only number in it: Marrow. "Yeah?" he answered groggily.

"I'm done, it's over."She said.

"It's two am!"

"Is it?"

"Yeah Luce it is!"

"Meet me at the diner on south side by the river in half an hour; I'll be at the back." And with that she hung up, took the Sim card out, snapped it in half and threw the whole lot in the river, along with the other phone. Sighing she turned around and began to walk to the diner.

_**Washington DC, Marc h 6**__**th**__** 2007, 02:35 hours**_

She sat there, hair messily tied up. Sighing she took a sip from a mug of coffee. The coffee so cheap it was bitter. He sat down opposite, signalling for coffee. "You're late." She stated, not meeting his eyes.

"Yeah, sorry, had to explain to my wife why I had to go out at 2am."

"I'm done Tom. No more. It's over, and I'm out clean."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I am. How's homeland security by the way?"

"Fine why?"

"Thought you hated the men in suits that's all."

"I was one beforehand."

"Yeah, but you were also a decent agent oo."

"You're back to agent and insulting me already.

"That's how it works!" she said with a smirk. "What now?"

"Lay low for a while; I know it'll take time to get back to normal."

"Ha! What is normal Tom, Lucy or Amanda, Fed or criminal? Because I don't know who I am."

"You want to talk to someone?" she just glared. "You're too much like Gibbs for your own good."

"I still an agent?"

"Yeah, you are. Gibbs has a place when you go back."

"Good."

"Lay low Luce, get your feet on the ground and get some damn sleep for once!" he insisted before leaving and with that she left a five dollar bill on the table and followed him. As she stood on the wall she walked it like children do. When morning fell she rung the one person she was sure she could lay low for a few weeks and not be wrapped in cotton wool. "What?"

"Mike, its Luce. You know that favour you owe me? Well I'm about to call it in."


	29. Mexican beer

_Disclaimer –I don't own NCIS_

_Author's note – I hope this is okay, I never intended to write this chapter until last night when I thought it up and quite liked it. I know the chapters have been a little depressing so I hope this one lightens the mood a little. I won't however be writing every day of her lying low!_

_Enjoy anyhow! _

_**Mexico, March 6**__**th**__** 2007, 11:02 hours**_

As she walked out of the arrivals department at Mexico airport, a night without sleep and days of pressure was finally catching up with Lucy. Still dressed in her clothes from yesterday, only now with the jacket hung over her arm and make up slightly smudged. Her handbag contained what few things she had had in it from her flight back from Europe; a pair of leggings, makeup, deodorant and money. Anything that could identify her had been chucked in the river. She knew to most she would probably stick out like a sore thumb – or so she had thought. It turned out that Mexico was more business like that Mike liked to admit. The surroundings were dusty; Mexico seemed never to be cold as she looked out at the trees not quite as green. The drought in recent months had proved for one of the driest winters on record. And now a heat wave, things were strange in Mexico where weather was concerned, but it beat her recent days anyhow. The arrivals had been cool thanks to the air conditioning, now the air was muggy and a complete contrast. Now she walked over to the familiar old truck that much resembled something Gibbs would own. The sun was hot even in march and I made her smile a little. As after the cold of DC it was a warm welcome.

She opened the door with a loud creak which she swore couldn't be healthy, and stepped into the slightly littered and dusty cabin, sitting down in the stifling heat. "This thing got air con mike?" She asked with a smirk.

"Shut your mouth and be glad I not only woke at two for you but got out of bed and actually came to the city."

"That's the mike I know." She laughed.

"Why you here shortie, not that I don't approve of the view." He questioned watching as she cleverly managed to take off her stocking without giving him and eye full.

"Eyes on the road old man!" she responded avoiding his question. Only to receive a head slap, Gibbs certainly was his boss' protégé, smirking she decided she owed him an explanation if she were dumping herself on him. "Need to lie low for a few weeks."

"You a fugitive?"

"Not quite."

"If I'm housing the FBI's most wanted I could do with knowing, wouldn't be the first time after all"

"No you are not. I just finished a seven year undercover op. Need to keep outta sight for a few weeks until the trial is over. Try not get killed" With that he settled and watched her as she placed her feet up on the dash board and looked deep in thought."How's Jethro?" she questioned, knowing she'd get a straight answer from the older man. He wasn't one for sugar coating - that she was sure of.

"Probie? He's doing alright, if you'd have been a week or so earlier you could have asked him yourself."

"He was here?"

"Yeah."

"The infamous Gibbs actually took a holiday?"

"No, he 'retired', quite more likely. Got blown up and thought he'd just left desert storm. Messed his brain up so he quit."

"He quit? I'll kill him; I swear you'd think he couldn't function without me! I mean . . . where is he now?"

"Back at NCIS. Left for a few months, Ziva needed help and he went back. Turns out that director of yours hadn't filed his retirement package, just used up all his paid leave time."

"Jenny Shepard?"

"Yeah, you know her?"

"Could say that. We have . . . issues. Don't practically like her."

"Got a problem with women on top shortie?"

"Nah mike, just women who screw their partners over to get to the top."

"I'm not gonna even ask!" Stated mike looking back at the road.

"I'm still gonna kill him!"

Both of them laughed and for the first time in seven years Lucy James felt like she was back, like she was being Lucy again and not Amanda.

Looking out of the window she watched as the dusty dessert like surroundings passed her by. Watched as she began to see the sea, taste the salt in the air and hear the loud crash of the waves off in the distance. The air was hot, thick and dusty. This place, this was where Gibbs had come when his whole world had seemed like a lie. Where mike had come when things had gone wrong and he'd quite, now it was where she had come. What was It with Mexico: it was like NCIS secret hide away. She smirked to herself and Mike looked over. "What you smirking at shortie?"

"This place, it's like NCIS unofficial safe house."

" Ya could say that I suppose." He replied not entirely impressed as they pulled up. She stepped out and found out just how difficult is actually was to walk on sand in 3 and a half inch heels. "Might find it easier to take them off Shortie!"

"You don't say mike!" she answered back sarcastically as she took off the incriminating shoes and followed him. The sand was warm beneath her feet and as it slipped between her toes she began to feel like a child all over again. Lucy almost had the urge to run down the beach and into the sea fully clothes just for the fun of it. The sun was warm on her face as she made her way forward. Then she saw his house, a small wooden place with a roof that looked like it had just been fitted.

"There was gonna be a hot tub but I'm still waiting out on probie's end of the bargain." Said the old man sitting down in his hammock.

"You got a shower mike?"

"Yeah, down the hall, you can take probie's room, doubt he ever actually slept in there be to fair."

"Cheers mike." She stated making her way inside.

Twenty minutes later and a scrub of her face to try and get rid of the mascara black streaks on her face, she stepped out onto the deck. She took in the view whilst towel drying her hair. The long blond locks that had grown in the last few years felt dead because of so much heat that had been on them as she tried to keep her groomed appearance. Dropping the towel on what looked like a drying rack she admired the sea as she ran a hand though her wet hair. She'd shoved on a pair of leggings from the bottom of her bag and a US Marine Corps t-shirt she'd found in one of the draws and guessed to be Gibbs'.

"You got a beer Mike?" she questioned, knowing it was a stupid question.

"That's like asking a man if he has a pulse woman!" He received a glare from Lucy that would make Gibbs proud. And in that moment Mike realised just how much probie had rubbed off on the younger woman over the years. He looked at her now, glaring and saw how much she must mean to Gibbs, and internally made a vow so unlike anything people would expect him to do. He vowed to keep her safe, because he could see just how much she thought of Gibbs as a father and he guessed that the feeling was returned. "Corona's in the fridge."

"Not so hard mike!" she said going and grabbing a cold beer before pulling a chair into the shade and sitting down. She took a sip and smiled approvingly. Maybe, if sun, sleep and beer would be how her lying low would go, then maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she had anticipated.


	30. this is my home

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – I hope that you all enjoy this chapter. It's one I've had in mind since the very beginning of this story, and even since I came up with it around a year ago. Also, you see that picture, yeah, the one next to the title, yeah well you may notice that I actually made some front covers! I know, wow! I hope you like them, I think they look quite good!_

'_people help the people, and if you're homesick give me your hand and I'll hold it . . .nothing will drag you down,' – People Help The People, By birdy - I was listening to this whilst I wrote the last bit and I thought it fitted, you'll understand more at the end._

_Enjoy xx_

_**Washington DC, March 29**__**th**__** 2007, 20:36 hours**_

In the three months low time that Lucy had had in Mexico she'd had time to attempt finding her feet once more. Some days she woke up and all she wanted to do was cry. Cry because it seemed that he had nothing left, cry because of all the things that had happened to her, cry because she didn't know who she was anymore. Then other mornings she'd wake up and think maybe she had been given a new chance. Yet she knew that she would never be the same person that she once was ever again. Too much water had passed under the bridge over the years for her to ever be the person she had once been before the op, and before the abuse.

Her weeks had been spent eating, sleeping and drinking beer. Every morning she got up and went for a swim in the sea. Every evening she went for a run on the beach. She knew in the years undercover that her fitness had become not what it was, and she also knew that if she didn't do something about it then she would get a massive shock when she returned to work. So after a week she stopped living off of beer and began to get fit once more. Mike had of course enjoyed the view, but he'd also watched her for another reason. He'd seen how she had not been the girl he remembered when she first came to stay with him. There were less wise cracks, less jokes to what he remembered. And if he was honest he was worried, because he wasn't stupid. Mike knew about depression and all those sort of things, so he watched her, of course enjoying the view, but making sure she was alright.

Two weeks in she had called Tom Marrow from the Cantina and had been told to visit a ship currently docking nearby and she had. Whilst onboard she'd called the SecNav and Tom Marrow through a safe feed. She had been formally debriefed and told to return to work on the 10th March. She would have her old job as Gibbs' partner back, still be on the same team and do her work normally. The only trouble was that she was to avoid the press at all costs to prevent a problem arising and in addition she was not allowed on any arms dealing cases which may make her become in contact with the people she had been with undercover. They wanted her cover to remain intact – for her safety.

So, today she stood on the doorstep of Leroy Jethro Gibbs' house. She looked at the street and smiled, this was her home; this was where she belonged, because whilst her house was across town somewhere, lying dormant, her home was here.

The cold breeze biting her faced was a change from the boiling heat in Mexico. Yet even with the sun hot she hadn't got a tan, she never did. Instead she went red so had plastered herself in sun cream which kept her pale. Now she finally got the courage to open the old front door she knew would be open, because even after over half a decade some things would just never change. And Jethro and his front door was one of them. As she walked on the wooden floorboards her stilettos clattered away. She wore her black pencil skirt and heel she had travelled to Mexico in – now washed – and a clean white blouse and chunky cardigan that Camilla had given her from god only knows where. Lucy wore no makeup, her hair was tied back and still tasted of salt from the beech air.

Jethro stood in his basement, sanding the near finished boat in front of him. As he listened to the sound of heels on his floorboards he looked to the door expecting to see Jenny standing there. Readying himself for an argument he was sure would come. But the person he saw there wasn't Jenny, it was someone he had thought he would never see again.

She walked down the rickety wooden stairs, used now to balancing in heels. She then smiled at the face of shock on her partners face. Brushing a stray hair from her face she looked over. "Hello Jethro." She commented.

"Lucy?" he questioned, thinking that perhaps he had had more bourbon that he had realised and was now hallucinating.

"Yeah, it's me alright." She replied back in a soft tone. "So, that still the same boat from seven years ago Gibbs?"

"You're really here."

"No Jethro, I'm a figment of your imagination." She commented. "You feel that?"

"What?"

She then slapped the back of his head. "That." She stated.

"What happened? You in trouble?" He questioned.

"Can't a girl see her old partner?"

"Not you." HE stated.

She then walked over to his work bench and pored herself a measure of bourbon. "I'm back Jethro. No more undercover, no more sneaking around behind people's backs. I'm home." And with that he looked at her.

"For good."

"Yeah Gibbs!" she laughed and then he hugged her, and she hugged him back. A tear ran down her cheek as she did so and realised that she really had nearly lost him, all of them.

"I missed you Lucy James, I really missed you." And with that he kissed her head and hugged her once more.

_**Washington DC, March 30**__**th**__** 2007, 0700 hours**_

She walked across the catwalk in a way that made him smirk as he watched her. He knew she didn't like Jenny and so wished for once he could be a fly on the wall in the conversation that they were about to have. Luckily she'd had some clothes at his house as she had stayed over last night. Now she walked across in a pair of black fitted trousers, her red patent leather heels as for some reason she could find no shoes and a red silk blouse. She'd also found a black handbag and a leather jacket which she could have sworn that she had left at her house. Both of which now sat at her desk. Her hair was in loose curls and down whilst she wore natural make up. She looked like Lucy, but she was skinnier, and didn't have the same light in her eyes.

She didn't bother to knock on the door - just walked in.

"I take it you leant more than one thing off of Jethro." Said Jenny looking up, her short hair sharp and eyes smoky.

Lucy stayed standing. "Learnt a lot off of Gibbs. My manners however, those not so. You wanted to see me?"

"Yes I did. I want you to talk to a psychologist-"

"Not gonna happen."

"I figured not." Jenny mumbled sighing. "Look, Agent James, I don't know what happened whilst you were undercover, but I do know that when I was undercover I changed."

"Director If this is you comparing what you did with what I have done then don't waste your breath. Your assignment was a year? And you were with Gibbs. I was alone for seven year, It does not compare. What else?"

"Working with a new team won't be a problem will it?"

"No."

"The cases will they be?"

"I'm fine to operate Director."

"You'll report to Gibbs or myself. Work the same position as you used to, and be on the same pay."

"Anything else?"

"Lucy, I know that you do not approve of what I did to Jethro, and between you and me I regret it. But –"

"My personal opinions will not cloud or distort our working relationship."

"Thank you, you may go." Stated Jenny. And with that she sighed. Lucy reminded her of herself, only more loyal, in that position jenny would have taken the promotion she knew that Lucy would have been offered. But instead the younger woman had not, instead she had come back to the family she had and the people who cared. And for that Jenny respected her.

Lucy walked down the stair to where Abby and Ducky stood talking. As she approached Gibbs signalled for Abby o turn around. "Lucy!" shouted Abby before running over full pelt and squealing before hugging her. Everyone looked on in confusion except from Gibbs and Ducky who just smiled. Lucy and Abby parted moments later. "You're too skinny" Abby stated.

"And you have not changed a bit." Said Lucy before turning to Ducky who smiled and hugged her aefore kissing her cheek.

"You have been dearly missed." Whispered Ducky. "Even by Jethro."

Lucy smiled. "I've missed you all too Ducky."

At their desks Tony and McGee looked confused at the scene before them, but soon the saw all they needed to: their boss laughing and smiling. They watched everyone telling stories and soon found themselves joining the club.

She watched them all as she stood on the catwalk. Watched as they all looked so relaxed and happy. In that moment she knew she'd done the right thing by getting Marrow to bring the raid forward. As she watched the only confirmation she needed was the whole group looking happy. And in some strange way she hoped that it would maybe give her the reassurance that she still had a heart behind her ice façade.


	31. a not so happy family

_Disclaimer – I don't own ncis_

_Authors note – sorry for Tony's attitude in this one _

_**Washington DC, March 10**__**th**__** 2007, 9:28 hours**_

Lucy James sat working on their new case at her desk going through whiteness statements. They'd found a book on a murderer who had been shot. Inside the book where pictures of all of his victims. Each one was female and bound to the trunk of a tree. She sat there looking at the file as McGee did too. Tony arrived, running in and slinging his bag over behind his desk with a smirk thinking he had gotten away with been in late as Gibbs was nowhere to be seen. "Where is the boss man?" Questioned DiNozzo.

Lucy looked up as did McGee. "On protection detail for the director, seems her usual are ill so he's been ordered to replace them. He'll be in by 10:10 he says." Stated McGee calmly.

"Looks like I got away with missing my alarm!" He sighed smirking as he turned his computer on. "What we got?" He questioned not knowing due to being late.

Lucy stood up, passed him the files. "Dead Petty officer 3rd class. Killer was a co-worker whose wife had gone missing. Found a book with a picture of dead women in it, along with his wife and lost it. He's in the holding cell-"

"hang on, who interrogated him?" DiNozzo butted in.

"I did, why?"

"Only Gibbs interrogates."

"Says who?" Lucy said turning to the other agent Between them there was tension bubbling, it had been since Lucy had returned.

"Says Gibbs."

"Well he put me in charge, so I interrogated. He's never had a problem with it before." Tony gave her a withering look and she returned to the board. "Since we've already solved the petty officers murder, and we have reason to believe he committed all these others the director wants us to try and find the bodies. So, McGee are you able tot run facial recognition on all of the woman in that book from the bull pen?"

"Sure." Answered the young agent before getting to work.

"Tony, I want you to go though our Vic's background with a fine tooth comb, find me anything that could show us anything about these murders. I'll be down with Abs." She said before heading off.

"Oh, so we get the hard work whilst you two play Bessie mates!" Stated Tony not at all impressed.

"I have worked out locations from pictures so many times DiNozzo. I would be of more help unless you have something else you would rather I do."

"No, just wondering why I'm the one who is being told what to do by you when I'm senior field agent!"

"You aren't senior field agent." Said Lucy slightly baffled.

"What?"

"I was told I returned to my previous position, well seeming as the rest of the team left and new probie's came that makes me senior agent. And since I'm Gibbs' partner I take control Tony. Aside from that Gibbs told me to."

"Oh right, so you return. Well I'm sorry we all moved on whilst you were gallivanting off! I became senior agent whilst you were off being Madame lucky-lady flirting in short skirts!" shouted Tony. By now the bullpen had all scattered off.

"DiNozzo" tried McGee.

"No probie! I mean who is it that she thinks she is! Some college grad fast tracked, who's been off AWOL for however many years. What was it? Maternity leave of a mental ward? You know that is only meant to be a yearlong!"

"You have no idea who I am or what I've been through!"

"No but I can guess. Some posh college girl whose had a silver spoon in her mouth and had everything given to her on a plate whilst she lives a picket fence life!"

And with that last comment Lucy James' temper broke. All the comments but the last she could deal with. Now she didn't know what to do. So she let her actions speak. Before she knew it her hand was on his face a she slapped him. Hard and loud. What neither of them knew though, was that Gibbs and the director had just stepped off of the loft and saw it.

"Don't you ever, ever speak to me like that again!" She hissed before walking off. Gibbs watched astonished as she went the opposite way. HE was dumbfounded, and so was McGee. But that didn't mean he didn't want to know what had happened. He'd known Lucy for nearly a decade, and he knew her losing her temper happened only once every blue moon. Jenny watched in astonishment as what had started out as a reasonably pleasurable morning spiralled out of control.

He marched over, and stood in front of Tony, eyes ablaze with rage as he waited for the agent to explain himself. Tony didn't know what to say. "DiNozzo what the hell just happened!" shouted Gibbs, Jenny stood there unable to comprehend what she was meant to say or do.

"She happened! Her hand collided with my face!" He growled.

"Well you did something DiNozzo because I know she doesn't d that without a hell of a lot of being provoked."

"You ever thought she wasn't the same person you trained Gibbs?"

Leroy Jethro Gibbs had to stop himself from slapping Tony DiNozzo for that comment. So instead he head slapped him. "Try that again!"

"Boss I –"

"McGee?"

"Tony wanted to know why she thought she could take the leaders position. She said she was senior agent, or thought she was, and your partner. Then Tony went off on one – sorry DiNozzo- he may have said some things . . . offensive."

"Thanks Mc-talle-tale!"

For that he got another head slap."What did you say?"

"I didn't-"

"McGee!"

"That she'd been through up with a silver spoon in her mouth and had her life handed to her on a plate."

Jenny had read Lucy James' file she knew about everything. That was why she knew why DiNozzo was currently being head slapped hard and told to get back to work. Jenny glared at him once Gibbs was gone. "Do I need to send you on sensitivity training Agent DiNozzo?"

"No ma'am." He replied before going off. He didn't get back to work, instead he left the building. And Jenny internally slapped herself. Maybe sending Tony DiNozzo undercover was not the right thing to be doing.

_**-Loyalty-**_

Lucy walked into Abby's lab once she had calmed down and smiled at the Goth. Once she'd turned the music down she sat down next to Abby. Her long blonde hair was loose with her fringe clipped back. She wore a pair of fitted black trousers with a seam down the front and a fuscia pink blouse tucked in. Her feet wore black heels slightly lower than the ones she had worn as Amanda. Her makeup consisted of natural tones with a bright pink lipstick. "Hwy!" said Abby happily as per usual.

"Hey Abs. I'm here to help."

"What's wrong?" Questioned Abby hugging the blonde. The two had been friends as long as they'd both been at NCIS and could read each other almost as well as Lucy could read Gibbs. "And don't say nothing because I will know you are lying Lucy James!" Abby said whilst attempting to be stern.

"It doesn't matter Abs." Said Lucy before turning o the computer.

"You're wrong, it does matter because you've been crying and I know I'm right because I can tell these things and your eyes are slightly red not that you look bad but they are and you look sad and I want to know why!"

"Promise you won't go mad?"

"Just tell me."

"I had an argument with Tony. He said some things."

"Like what?"

"Abby-"

"Lucy tell me!"

"Like I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and had everything handed to me on a plate. I just lost it. With everything I've gone though he couldn't be more wrong Abs. And he doesn't have a clue."

"what did you say?"

"I may have slapped him."

Abby laughed, for someone who loved their family so much she laughed, before giving Lucy an abby hug and returning to work. It was only moments before Gibbs came in. He looked as them and stopped back."You okay?" He questioned. She was smiling but he knew she'd been upset.

"I'm fine Jethro, he didn't know."

"No, but he shouldn't have said those things. I was the one to put you in charge."

"Gibbs, lay off him. HE's probably stewing now. I'm fine; he's the one with the red face." Gibbs just smirked.

"What you got?"

"Not a lot, we got distracted and have only just got the scanned in pictures from McGee."

"Alright, I'll see you later."

_**Washington DC, March 10**__**th**__** 2007, 11:20 hours**_

That day Lucy did not know what she would do if she didn't have Abby The girl managed to cheer her up – or as much so as anyone was able to these days. And they got the results too, so when Tony came down at twenty past eleven, apart from the elephant in the room they managed to tell him what he needed. And before he left he managed to swallow his pride.

"Look, Lucy, I know Gibbs has a rule but this was the exception. I'm sorry. I crossed the line."

"It's alright. I guess I have less of a temper these days."

"Right, we okay then?"

"Yeah, sorry about the face Tony."

"It'll heal." He said before he went. But Lucy ran after him and on the way up to the bull pen she switched the emergency switch in the lift. "What?"

"Look, Tony. Tell me to shut up because I've only been here a week. But are you the directors . . . for lack of better words errand boy?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"You, late in, dentist appointments, you're barely in and I . . . I guess I recognise those excuses."

"Because?"

"Because I was Marrow's. Look Tony I don't want you ending up sour and twisted like me."

"she's got me running undercover stuff to bring down La Grenouille."

"That's CIA and Homeland security turf."

"I know. But she wants him."

"Tony, in the nicest possible way I'm pulling you out." And with that she flipped the switch and went up to the bull pen And whilst Tony was stewing, now knowing whether to be honoured or offended he realised that she had been there, done it and got the badge. So he decided to let it lie. After all he still had a throbbing headache after the last lo of Gibbs slaps, he didn't need any more to add to the pain.

When they got to the bull pen she ran on off to the Directors office whilst he returned to Gibbs to tell him the news. It had gotten to the stage where none of them bothered to ask where Lucy went. They knew that after her time away even if they didn't know what it was she did, she had other things to take charge of. So her running up to the director's office was no change.

Lucy James had Gibbs; mannerisms whether she liked it or not. So as she barged in she closed the door and sat down. "Pull DiNozzo out." Said Lucy.

"Agent James-"

"Cut the formal rubbish Jenny. This is off the book. Pull him out."

"I take it you know."

"I don't need to be told, the signals are all there. And between me and you he is in over his head."

"How would you know?"

2Because Jenny I was! Too many god damn times I was in over my head. SO pull him out because I don't want him going through what I went through. Not the heartache, the pain or the deceit. Because it hurts like hell when the people who have stood by you are in prison because of you!"

"It's not so simple."

"Like hell it isn't. You're treading on Marrow's toes. I got enough Intel to arrest Rene Benoit. They're just waiting for the time."

"You did?"

"Yes. So do me a favour and pull out Tony, before someone gets hurt."

And with that she left knowing that her message had got through to the red head.


	32. The Beginning of the end pt 1

_Disclaimer-I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note-I think all I need to say is we are nearly at the end. So enjoy the final leg of the journey, and I'll see you on the other side_

**Loyalty**

**The beginning of the end**

It's often hard to describe out emotions with words, because in reality words are the restraints of life. One feeling may not be all that we feel. Instead of one thing it may be two, or three or four or five or even more. In reality words are just a definition. But that definition is different every time that we feel something.

In the weeks and months that passed after Lucy arrived back in DC Lucy changed. How she changed is what is hard to explain. Whilst she saved Tony from a fate he did not even know he was facing, and managed to restrain the Director from doing something that could compromise not only her job but the relationship she had with those she classed as family she still went out for drinks. Lucy still contacted her friends, still spoke frequently to Will and Stan, still acted like a daughter to Gibbs and a sister to Abby. Ducky remained her grandfather and Tony and McGee became her friends. Because as strange as it is, in life it is not always those we impress or like that we become reliant on, but those we trust. And even though Lucy had argued and disagreed with Tony and so in turn with Ziva and McGee, she had learnt to trust them.

It was in those months that were to follow that maybe something was lost from Lucy.

A part other became left behind.

And so, when all is said and done, Lucy James became even less of the person she was when she returned, less of the person she was before she left and so only a minor part of the joker and prankster she had originally been. Not many saw the change, but the one important person did. And much as he had during the time in which she was abused, her began to feel powerless, possibly even more so than last time, because this time around there was no physical scars, this time it was mental.

_**Washington DC, June 3**__**rd**__** 2008, 08:21 hours**_

Everything had changed.

Or maybe it was her.

As she looked around the bull pen something didn't feel the same as it once had. IT wasn't as bright, lively. There was no longer the buzz of excitement she had fed off of. No longer the jokes and pranks she remembered from all those years ago. It seemed almost mellow, like it was just becoming another federal agency, like it was slowly losing what made it what it was. Like a person when they go from being that excitable teenager with pink hair to just another woman in a grey suit. That was what she felt like, never mind the agency, she felt like the things that had made her unique were gone. Maybe it was because Stan had gone, or maybe she'd grown up.

Whatever it was she didn't like it.

Now she sat staring out of the window. For June it was wet. Maybe they were getting all of the rain they should have had last summer when that drought had hit. Silently she mused, watching all the lights passing by become distorted by the rain on the window. Maybe it was just reflecting her, all of the unshed tears she had inside. Lucy sighed as the overwhelming urge to cry hit her.

Will was dead.

The man who'd every now and again slipped into their team was dead.

And now it dawned on her how he had just retired with his new wife. He had a little house down in California near the beach. He'd been one of those guys you loved to hate. And somehow he had ended up dead, she'd read the coroner's report: heart attack. But it didn't sit right with her, and after all these years with Gibbs, now her gut was churning.

He walked in, the man on her mind, and looked at her. "You alright?" he questioned, coffee in hand. He'd seen the change. Hell he didn't think anyone couldn't have done. It was thanks to her that DiNozzo was safe, thanks to her that Jenny hadn't lost her mid over la grenouille, and thanks to her that that night with Carson he'd fallen asleep with Jenny in her study as they listened to the young boy sleep. She'd pushed Abby and McGee closer and made Tony grow up until before they knew it he was dating Cynthia. They all owed her, but he felt like after all these years he should be the one helping her.

"Decker's dead." She said. Almost like she was questioning her knowledge on the subject.

"I know." He answered softly.

"Funeral's tomorrow. Can I have the time off?" she questioned. Tony and McGee had been assigned to protection detail as the Director was to attend.

"Yeah, course you can." He said before depositing his nearly full coffee cup on her desk for her. She smiled in thanks and took a sip of the scalding liquid. Tony DiNozzo walked in with a smile on his face.

"IT feal good to only have a half day! He said smiling.

Lucy looked up in questioning from her computer screen where she was about to book a flight to California. "Why you got a half day?"

"Because we fly tonight." He said with a smile.

"Oh." She replied going back. He walked over and looked at her screen.

"Booking a little holiday blondie?" He questioned. She hated the nickname but let it lie.

"No, booking a flight to Deckers funeral."She responded. HE squeezed her hand. IT was weird how when one of them was sad they fell into sympathetic siblings act.

"We're flying on SecNav's Jet. Go see the director; I'm sure she'll let ya come." And with that she did as DiNozzo said.

Lucy walked up the stairs and passed Cynthia with a small smile. She walked into Jenny's office, and stood silently whilst she finished her conversation. "Can I ask a favour?" Questioned Lucy looking at the director. Jenny just nodded as se removed her glasses. "I want to go to Deckers funeral tomorrow. DiNozzo said I might be able to hitch a flight with you."

"You knew Will"

"Yeah, yeah I did. Pain in the ass but a hell of a good agent." She smirked. "Now I sound like Jethro. Will, Stan and myself used to hit the town, occasionally with Gibbs in tow."

"They sure could drink."

"And I drank them under the table each time." Lucy said making them smirk. "Funniest bit is that I always could remember what happened. They however couldn't." Smiled Lucy with a faint smile.

"We leave at 2200 hours tonight. Leave when Tony and McGee do."

"Is Jethro going?"

"I don't think so. Whilst they got on Jethro and will were always a bit competitive. I think he's staying here with Abby." And with that Lucy left with a smile. When the morning had come and gone with nothing eventful, the three agents left to go home. They packed their black clothes for the next day and a few other outfits too. Then they wore casual clothes for the flight which they would change when they woke up the next morning.

But as Lucy packed she sighed, something was still not sitting right with her. An so in her case went her spare gun, and new ammunition. Something was about to go down, and Lucy sure as hell was not about to go in unprepared.


	33. The Beginning of the end pt 2

_disclaimer – 33 chapters and still not mine_

_Authors note – thanks to Left My Heart In Paris and NCISgirl2389 for their review already. Enjoy._

**Loyalty**

**The Beginning of the End pt2**

_**United States, June 3**__**rd**__** 2008, 22:45 hours**_

The flight to California passed smoothly. Jenny sat reading near to Lucy whilst the two lads slept. Lucy however just sat there staring out of the window. She was on alert. Something wasn't right and she knew it. She knew it was something to do with Jenny, and whilst she didn't want to arise suspicion, at the same time she couldn't just do nothing. Yet her gut was telling her it was nothing to do with the plane journey, so she decided to sit back and try and read her book, a worn old classic favourite with dog ears and pages nearly falling out: P.S. I love you.

The director was silent as she read. She glanced however over to the blonde now reading. As she looked at her she knew that something was on her mind. The girl was reading, but she could almost here the cogs in her brain turning.

"Are you okay Lucy?" she asked. It had always been that the two call each other by their first names. Lucy hadn't had respect for the director, and in her mind she wasn't completely sure what agency she worked for and so it had grown to be a first name things.

"Fine."

"You sure?" She probed not quite satisfied with the answer.

"Yeah, yeah I am." She looked down before looking back up. "Can I ask you something?" Lucy asked. At some point over the last few months she'd grown to treat Jenny better, as she'd seen Gibbs forgive her she realised maybe she was holding the past too close to her heart and so she had softened the blazing and hateful persona.

"You can ask."

"You and Jethro. I know what used to be, but now, what-"

"I don't know." Jenny answered quietly aware of the other two sleeping. "I think there is too much past between us, too much water under the bridge. For now we are friends." And Lucy knew that was all she would get out of the other woman and so she returned to her book.

_**California, June 4**__**th**__** 2008, 10:35 hours**_

She looked in the mirror and sighed. This was a day she had hoped she would never have to see. The death of another person she had loved. Lucy was dressed in one of the suits she had worn undercover; slightly ironic she was wearing something from the person who had in some ways killed her, to a funeral. Her shoes were black stilettos, her skirt a black pencil skirt with a crisp white shirt and a cropped blazer. Her hair was down and straight whilst her makeup was natural apart from the startling pink lipstick on her lips. Once more she sighed as she cast a glance out of the window. California. The sky was blue and the weather too war for a suit, but still, Decker deserved the best. A knock on the door brought her out of her mid as she walked over. Out of habit she looked through the peep hole to see DiNozzo. "Hey." She said.

"Hey, we're about to leave, you want a lift?"

"Yeah, give m a moment." She walked over to her hand bag which held her gun, the backup was strapped to her thigh and cold as the other touched it. A knife was concealed at her waist, but no one could see either. It was for her own state of mind.

She left her room locking it behind as she held her A4 clutch in her hand and placed her black sunglasses on her nose. She met with Tim and Jenny who were both dressed in black and they made their way.

The funeral was small; she met with his wife Sasha and gave her condolences. The poor woman was only young – just Wills type as it happened. She signed her name in the guest book after the director. For some reason her eyes all of a sudden darted to one word: _Oshimida. _Lucy stepped back and made a note of the word. She turned to see Jenny taking pictures with her phone. Lucy all of a sudden realised why her gut was churning. Someone was after the Director.

As the guest began to clear Lucy was about to go when she heard Jenny talking to Tony and McGee. She was meant to have left ten minutes ago but was hiding behind a black SUV. Like Jenny Lucy had gotten pictures, only hers were a lot clearer. Lucy stayed hidden.

"You both have the rest of the trip off: Today and tomorrow." Said Jenny

"But director won't you need security?"

"Agent McGee I will be fine. Both of you enjoy yourselves." But the tone in which she said it made Lucy even more on alert. Once both of them had gone Lucy left to, and followed all three back to the hotel. Something was wrong, and she was not about to let it go.

Back at the hotel Lucy was in the room opposite Jenny's. But her first port of call was to get changed and then boot up her laptop. She'd hack into the hotels wi fi and then find out what she was dealing with. First however Lucy changed out of her suit before she boiled to death. On went a pair of baggy boyfriend jeans and comfy leisure shoes. On her ankle was her backup and at her hip was her SIG. She then put on a thin lemon blouse and tucked it in before tying her hair up and sitting down. She looked at her laptop and tried to remember how to hack – it had been a while after all. Then she slowly managed it and went into her case files. First thing she searched for was Oshimida which came up with no hits. Then she began a facial recognition on the faces of the men and woman she had taken photo's of and ran a search. Then finally whilst that was running she ran the plate. What she didn't know was Abby was doing the exact same thing back in DC only with much worse pictures.

After half an hour in which Lucy had been wiring something she hoped she would never need the laptop beeped. It turned out that the SUV had been rented to a fake name. Still, even though she'd seen enough to know it was she still ran it and came up with nothing. Then she ran the men's name. All of them were Russian, and the woman was Natalia. Lucy looked at her face, and ran her too. She was Russian and had no existence before 1997.

Lucy sighed; this was when she wished Jethro was here. I had been a long time since she had worked alone on a case and although she was hesitant to admit it she knew that she was a few steps behind the director. That she was.

"_Yeah." He answered gruffly._

"_any chance you can do me a favour and fly down to California."_

"_Who the hell is this?"_

"_Jenny Shepard."_

"_As in the Director?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Why d'you need my help, you have a whole agency."_

"_I'll tell you when you get here." And with that she hung up_

Lucy groaned, she still had no idea who was after the director an hour later. Rolling over on the bed she was currently moping on she grabbed the phone and pressed 0. "Reception, how may I help you?"

"Can you please send a packet of tortilla chips and three bottles of water up to room 263 and charge it to NCIS please?"

"Of course madam." And with that she hung up and walked onto the balcony where she looked down on the pool. Outside she could see families all gathered around the pool. Children were splashing about and laughing. Mothers were with little children worrying over their safety as they played with toys in the little pool. Everything looked perfect, the iconic scene of a happy place. Yet it brought a pang of guilt and pain to Lucy's heart because she knew that was a life she could have had but had been pulled away from her each time she got close. And as she looked down she spotted Tony and McGee. DiNozzo was looking at women whilst McGee tried to write his latest book. It was McGee that Lucy had gotten on better with in the long run. He was quiet and sensitive but also when you got behind the nervousness, funny too. And as she looked at him now she couldn't help but think that the next deep six novel would have one hell of a twist in it if things went as she expected them to go.


	34. The Final Fight

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – thank you for all of your support. It has been an amazing story to write and I hope you've all enjoyed it. So, don't hate me, but enjoy. There is an epilogue to come. _

_Here we go, hope it is okay._

**Loyalty**

**The Final Fight**

_**California, June 4**__**th**__** 2008, 15:30 hours**_

Lucy was startled awake by her mobile which la next to her. She'd been working away on her laptop earlier and fallen asleep. Recently she hadn't slept much, she hadn't felt like herself and every time she closed her eyes she had flashbacks back to the abuse, to losing her child, to being undercover. It was like a constant horror movie on show in her mind whenever her eyes closed – and it scared the hell out of her. Now she looked over at her phone and grabbed it, not even looking at the caller ID. "Yeah?" She answered. Cushioning the phone between her shoulder and ear she typed away on her laptop at the search result that had come up. She's done a multiple search with the names Decker, Shepard, and Oshimida, and refined it to before 1997.

"S'Mike."

"Hello old man." She said replying. The search had come up numerous reports. So she decided to refine it down to ending in 1997, and there it was. An undercover covert op with William Decker, Jenny Shepard and Gibbs. Lucy ran a hand through her hair and opened the file onto her computer.

"Alright Shortie. This is not a social call."

"Okay, you've not gone and got arrested have ya?" She questioned laughing.

"Not quite! But I need your help."

"I owe you one so go on." She said with a smile as she briefly read through the paper on her desktop. She sighed, things went deep and then opened a new search and typed in the word: Svetlana Churnitskaya. And there she was, two women, both the same.

"You owe me more than one. Got a problem, seems back in '97 at the end of an op our wonderful director was set the task of taking out some Russian girl-"

"Svetlana, she however never did, Svetlana is now Natasha."

"Yeah, and she's out to get her."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I need ya to get probie over here."

"Not gonna happen Mike, from what I know he won't have time. Where is she?"

"Talking to Abby. Trying to find out something."

"What?"

"Why some girl called Sasha is dead."

"Give me a moment." She said before typing furiously on her keyboard. "Coroner's report classes her death as a heart attack – same as Deckers."

"We have a problem then. Because in that case our Director is in danger."

"Looks like it was a good thing that I brought my weapon with me then, isn't it Mike."

"Gotta go." And with that she hung up. Lucy looked at the computer in front of her and sighed. Things were going well. She walked into her bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. The mirror was clean, sparkling and her reflection didn't look like her. The long hair was tow messily hanging from a bobble. Under her eyes there were bags that were permanently there these days. Her skin was pale and her eyes tired. She looked at herself, the way her jeans were falling down and she was too skinny. This was not the curvy happy girl she had been when she joined NCIS. Lucy grabbed a makeup wipe and removed the makeup before walking into the bedroom and grabbing a pair of white skinny jeans and a green blouse. She then put them on and brushed her hair before tying it up in a bun. She then applied minimal makeup and put on her white leisure shows again. Lucy grabbed her weapons and looked in the mirror.

HE phone beeped and Lucy walked over.

**From: **_Mike_

_Decker's old diner, 40 mins_

Rushing to her computer she quickly typed in Decker's name and found where she was meant to be going. She ran down the stairs and grabbed a pair of car keys from front desk for one of the registered NCIS vehicles. Then Lucy got in and zoomed off. She drove like Gibbs, breaking half a dozen speed limits as she went. Lucy arrived at the diner ten minutes early. She then grabbed her phone and rung mike as she walked in.

"Yeah?"

"I'm here."

"Good hide and only-"

"Delay her."

"Shortie what are you talking about?"

"Delay her, by a good hour. Take a wrong turn, stop for petrol I don't care!"

"Lucy you are not taking them on, on your own."

"No I'm not, I have plenty of Leo's for backup." She said as she walked alone into the empty diner. She was lying, but there was only one way this was going down, and she was not going to let Gibbs lose the love of his life again. So here she went.

"You lying?"

"You think I'm stupid?"

"No."

"Then there is your answer. By the time you get here it will all be over."

"I owe you one."

"No, not you don't. Think of it as a repayment." And with that she hung up. Lucy walked around the dusty place. It was just the kind of place Decker would want to do up. Run down and cost a bomb, but she knew why he bought it. Outside was green, l with grass weed rolling around like something out of a cowboy film. Inside was dusty, but from what she could tell it was structurally sound. In her pocket was a letter, one she had written and hoped to god that she would never need. Now however, she was beginning to think that she knew.

She sat down on one of the old chairs; this was going to be hard. She was tough, and after the last few years this would be a breeze. Lucy sighed; she walked over to the window. Outside there was no sign of a car. She looked at her phone, wanting to call for help but knowing there was no point. The sound of a car brought her back and she walked over to behind the bar. She pulled out her weapons and slid down.

BANG

Five men and a woman entered that bar.

BANG

One girl against six.

BANG

One sig against six automatics.

BANG

BANG

BANG

BANG

BANG

She fought like hell.

BANG

She shot her way, proved herself.

BANG

But sometimes the best isn't good enough.

BANG

BANG

BANG

_**California, June 4**__**th**__** 2008, 16:50 hours**_

"Are you sure this was the quickest way?" Questioned Jenny.

"Yeah, we're nearly there." He replied.

"You said that an hour ago." She said with a smirk. But it was tense, somehow Mike had a niggling feeling things would not have gone as smoothly as she had promised. Jenny looked out the window. "There." She said pointing.

"Is that-"

"Yeah." And so they went, armed and sneaking like they were about to raid a warehouse. Mike looked in through the window. And that's when he dropped his weapon. "What?" Whispered Jenny, as she looked at Mike.

"It's safe." He said, his voice nearly cracking as he walked through the door.

"Is . . ."

"Yeah."

"But . . . Why?"

Mike turned and looked at her. "So that you didn't have to, and probie didn't lose another love of his life.

She looked at her phone. The noise was the only sound. It was Jethro. What on earth was she meant to say? "Jethro."

"Jen?" he questioned hearing the emotion so raw in her voice. "Jen? Jenny?"

"I . . . I'm so sorry Jethro."

**-Loyalty-**

He was in California. Tony and Tim had the scene. Jenny and Mike were interviewed. And that was when he broke down: when the bodies left the diner.

When six bodies left the diner.

One of them, was one of their own.

He left. Walked away wanting to cry. He cried. A silent tear rolling down his cheek. He picked up the phone and rang Ducky. He answered the phone, and yet Gibbs didn't speak.

"Jethro, I know I usually dominate the conversation yet since you rang me-"

"Lucy."

"What about her?"

"She . . . she, Ducky she's dead."

**-Loyalty-**

Ducky looked at Abby who was stood opposite him. She knew that look form when he'd told her about Kate. Someone was not coming back. Someone had left her. "Who?" She questioned.

"Lucy."

Abby broke down in sobs.

Ducky hugged her with tears rolling down his cheeks.

Over in the dessert Jethro cried.

The whole world fell silently apart. The whole world seemed grey, as though the sun had stopped shining.

_**Washington DC, June 4**__**th**__** 2008, 23:47 hours**_

Gibbs sat on the lift floor.

Her case was closed.

She was lying on that cold steel table in the fridge in autopsy.

And he was here. With nothing more but an envelope. The final words she would even tell him.

And in some ways he couldn't open it, like it would prolong her life if she didn't.

_Jethro, _

_It seems as though I've lost half of my life. And even you have to admit that these days I am not the same. But if you are reading this then we both know what has happened. When we sat in your basement that night, and you told me about your wife and child, I promised you in my mind that whenever happened I'd always be loyal to you. Jethro you are the closest thing to a father I have ever had. And I love you for that. _

_I died so Jenny didn't have to, so that you two can be happy. You wouldn't have coped losing another lose of your life. So here is what you are going to do:_

_Get up off of the Lift floor._

_Go up to her office._

_Tel her you love her. Because life is too short Gibbs_

_I'll be watching you Dad – always _

He looked through watery eyes. Maybe it was time he listened to her for once. And so he did, he walked up to her office, and when she asked him what was wrong he simply handed her the letter. And that night they sat there, Jenny in his arms, and remembered all the times. And she watched down with a small smile on her face. Because sometimes, I takes a shock to the system to remind us what really counts.


	35. the end of an era

_Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS_

_Authors note – this is the final chapter. It's a sad one and all written in Lucy's point of view. This is her watching down; it clears up her feeling and things like that. I hope you enjoy, thank you all for the reviews, favourites and followers so far. You made it such fun to write. Hope you all enjoy this once more, and please leave me a review in the end. _

**Loyalty**

**The End of an Era**

_**Washington DC, June 15**__**th**__** 2008, 11:34 hours**_

When we're young we all plan out our lives in our minds like a movie, like the fairytales that are the soundtracks to our childhoods. At that age, too young to know any different and too innocent to know any better, we don't know what our life will hold. As a family, as a city, as a nation, as a world we are always thinking of another time. When we are young we want nothing more than to grow up, yet when we are grown up we want nothing more than to be small again. We're never happy. And yet, even through the decades that will pass us all by, some things – the small things – may often remain. When we are little, girls read the beautifully illustrated fairytales Hans Christian Anderson wrote so very many years ago and dream of riding off into the sunset on a white hoarse with their very own Prince Charming. And yet, even at the age of twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, we all dream of riding off with the one we love. Maybe it is wrong, maybe it is a dream gone too far or maybe it is simply a tradition passed down between families all over the world, whatever it is, we all dream of one thing – happiness.

In my life I had so many shots at happiness, so many chances to live the perfect picket fence life. Somehow though, every time something got in the way. Every time it managed to slip from my grasp, fall through my fingers and float away. I grew up too fast; it's a fact and something too many people do. Yet in a world where we are always wondering and dreaming of what could be or what could have been it's hard not to turn around and find you've stopped being a naïve pig tailed girl and grown into a woman. I saw so much evil, hatred and horror over the years, whether it affected me or not is not for me to say, because in all honesty I don't know if it was what I saw or what I did that effected me. But now, now those days are over and done with.

Now, sat up here on a cloud, things are warm – like cotton wool had been wrapped around my head. I feel so distant from everything, yet at the same time more closely than ever as I hear every note of the bird song and every whisper of the people I watch. Now I watch them. The people who had helped me over the years. Stan's flown over, some red eye flight on which he was biting his tongue not to shout at the old lady chatting away beside him. Tony and Tim are sat there staring into space so to speak, but now I wonder if it's heaven, wonder if they're looking for me. Guilt is eating away at them. Abby site in her lab with Ducky hugging her as she cries. I wonder sometimes if out of them all she is the one who will feel my presence. Ducky just looks up to the sky, and I hear his whispered prayer for his family to be safe. Over town Jethro stands there in his black suit and white crisp shirt, his black tie perfectly straight and badge on his lapel. He's looking in a mirror not in his house. Whilst Jenny sits on her bed, watching him stand there is a world of his own. I watch them, and silently whisper in her ear to look after him.

It's strange, as they all gather in the car park of the grave yard, there are more people than I expected. It seems that the mass of agents, directors and even the SecNav are there. I guess that I actually made quite an impact on people in my life. I watch them all, watch as everyone gather and talks. They and there, the coffin – my coffin – lying so still. My body down there yet my soul up here. There's a platform, where at the side Gibbs, Stan and Jenny ready themselves to talk. I don't want to watch, I really don't. It makes it all so real hearing them talk about my life, yet at the same time I can't not watch, can't not listen because of my curiosity. So I do. The vicar standing there, talking words that wash over their ears, and mine. I watch their faces, recognising them all. The CIA Director along with the FBI, Secret Service and Homeland Security (Tom Marrow), then there are agents I worked with over the years.

I turn away whilst they talk, and look over to the state prison. Marcus is lying on a cold bed with tears rolling down his cheeks. He's been told Amanda is dead. I don't see why they didn't tell him the truth – but they didn't. Apparently one of the arms dealings went wrong. I can't help but smile, I guess that even in death I'm being more than one person. I kiss his forehead softly, maybe in the end I did end up having feelings for him, no that I'd ever let him know.

She stands there, on that stage Jenny Shepard stands there, not as director, for now that act has gone. So, on my cloud watching from above I listen, letting the words that seem so much softer in the afterlife wash over me.

"_There are no words that can do justice to Lucy. Because in the end . . . well in the end I owe her my life. She died in my place, to make me be able to live. And for that . . . well for that I owe her. She was an amazing woman, one I don't think I knew well enough."_

I watch them, watch them all. And for a moment I think that my eyes are deceiving me because on the side of his face the sun glitters on a tear. One silent, lonely tear slipping through the façade of a man once so hard and tough, who has now known too much loss. I watch him as he makes his way onto the stand. Stan beside him the whole time. His voice cracking as the rough and gravely words wash over him.

"_I . . . Lucy was no Marine, no army veteran or war hero. Lucy . . . she was a girl, who protected her country . . . She . . . Look, I can't do her justie, none of us can. Because in reality she was a better person than any of us. Lucy, she cared, about people but about her family." Said Gibbs._

"_When she first came to NCIS, I . . . I didn't think things would ever turn out as they have. She'd a hero. That's the only word. Lucy went through more rubbish in her life than any of us ever will. That . . .that hurts knowing that in the end the girl who always emerged with a smile didn't manage it." Stan Added._

I can't cry, I'm a ghost, but as I listen there is small part of me that wonders what things would be like if I hadn't of let Jenny live. Then I listen, then . . . then I listen to last part.

"_I got a purple heart, as many of you have. But for me, it's an award for living. I don't deserve it. She does." _

He places it on the coffin. And I feel the medals ghost appear in my hand.

"_Because in thereal world, she is the Hero. Semper fi."_

I hear them all repeat the words. And then, each one of them places a white rose on my coffin. As they do the cloud turns to roses. At the back, Ducky, Stan and Gibbs stand. Once everyone has gone they place their roses on too. On a mound of white go three pink roses. The bright colour of lipstick I had fallen in love with as Amanda. I look down and blow them a kiss.

Three pink roses, one from my brother, one from my father and one from my grandfather.

He doesn't want to leave, doesn't want it to be reality. But when I see Jenny take his hand, I know my final wish was granted.

In relationships, in friends, in family, there is one thing that makes them work, and that is the same thing she always had a sense of with Jethro – from the very beginning: _Loyalty_


End file.
